When to tell and who?

Thanks for your honest response. My weight has always been an issue and before I was 16 I was already over 225.... I feel like I have tried everything without success and that VGS with help provide me with a tool to keep my weight better controlled. I actually went to two different surgeons before decided the first was very interesting and I felt like it was just a place to get people in and out and provide the surgeries they wanted without really giving people an honest perception on what their life was going to be like. The second one I saw had a lot of requirements but they also had a lot of teaching and provided the perspective that obesity is a disease and that it is life long and that I will always battle it regardless if I have surgery or not but that it was a tool I could utilize and that they would be there for me if I choose it. So anyway, I went with surgeon # 2.... back to your point.... I knew there might be the possibility of losing friends or having to make new ones for my health and life style but I guess I didn't actually see it as a reality. It was a little more shocking than I wanted but might be a good wake up call for me. 

I told strangers in line at the grocery store. (*grin*)

I figured that people were going to notice it when I lost 100 pounds in six months, and I'd prefer them not to think I had cancer or AIDS, or was snorting crack. Also, I figured if I told people about my struggle, it might help someone else make their own decision about WLS. I had a less-common form of WLS called the Duodenal Switch, so I pretty much always have to explain it to medical professionals. You need to be certain you also research the DS---it has the very best long-term, maintained weight-0loss stats, AND the best stats for resolving or preventing co-morbs like diabetes and high cholesterol.

I told immediate family, BF, and a couple of co-workers.  Looking back, I wish I had told my boss.  I've been his assistant for many, many years but I simply told him I was having surgery and that's it.  Now I feel bad because anyone who asks I tell the truth...so I'm sure he knows by now. I like your idea of just having the surgery and surprising them.  I'd probably do the same thing after the negative reactions you've received so far. Good luck.  Ultimately it is your decision.

Thanks! I am very excited about everyones positive responses on here. 

The only real supporters I have is my youngest sister and two nieces all who have had WLS. Not even my wife supports my decision I am telling very few

I'm sorry to hear that. I cant imaging what your safe zone would feel like. At least I still live alone and can control my home environment. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and I know how it has affected me that he as he says "I just don't agree with your decision". 

You are going to continue to work hard at diet and exercise for the rest of your life, whether you have the surgery or not.  The only difference that the surgery made for me is that the diet and exercise now work.  A support system does not have to be your family and friends.  You can find support right here on this board and you can find support at your surgeons support group.

I had surgery on a Tuesday and called my family with the news the following Friday. 

I found my support system on line and learned that I did not need a lot of support "in person".  I could post a question anytime of day or night and always got responses from the veterans.  I had a great surgeon and nutritionist and went to all of the support meetings.  Our center director also organized a water aerobics class for pre-ops and post-ops.  So I ended up seeing everyone in the locker room and showers.  I saw exactly how skin looked as people quickly lost large amounts of weight.

I did not tell people at wor****il they complemented me on the weight loss.  I had always dieted so nobody paid any attention to my protein shakes and weight loss surgery friendly lunches. 

That was in 2007.  I am still at my goal weight.  I still diet and exercise and weigh myself every morning.  I take my supplements, eat small amounts of great food, and wear size 4 jeans.  Surgery gave me the tool to get on an even playing field with people who have not been obese.  It is determination and hard work that keeps me on that field.

That is so awesome to hear!!! My surgeon as well as my weight loss provider/nutritionist have complimented me on my exercise so far. I have actually lost 5lbs by hiking and walking daily its just that I have for the past two years remained at the same weight and fluctuate in the same 20lb range with my BMI still 44.... anyway, my surgeon seems to have high expectations for me and I am really excited to be able to increase my activity! My goal is one day to run a marathon. I like what you said about an "even playing field" sometimes I feel like I have so much weight to lose just to get into and "obese" range that I feel way behind. I think you have a good point too about finding a different support system than what I was looking for. 

I only told three people (my husband, sister-in-law who had surgery before me, and her husband) before surgery because I didn't want anyone to have the opportunity to try and talk me out of it. When I told my family after the surgery, they were surprisingly supportive, but I am glad that I don't have to remember their apprehension and negative talk. My mother did tell me that her husband's first wife almost died during the same surgery because the surgeon screwed up, so I was really glad I didn't tell her beforehand. After the fact, it is really hard to keep it a secret because you change so much, so I have just started telling people who ask. At first it was hard, but it has become less and less of a big deal to me. Co-workers keep asking if I am on a particular diet or exercise program, and it is just easier to tell even though I started working there several months after my surgery. One co-worker actually responded by telling me that her husband had the same surgery. It is really becoming more and more common, which makes it less and less of a big deal to other people.

I like your approach! I guess I kinda felt that I needed to tell people beforehand so they would know what they might see changes in me but in reality if they want to know they will probably ask. I don't care if its a secrete or not and if people ask I think I would be honest with them. I am feeling much better about this having been able to talk to a few people on here. Thanks!