Dear Bad Santa

Dear Bad Santa,

Greetings from your girl on the naughty list, in addition to my usual requests can you swap out all the Small & XSmall tags to an XXL? I wanna freak out the tiny I'm hot **** people out there. Also will you make these bs pedi cabs in the park get a flat? It's amazing how 4 people pedaling at the same time still can't figure out how to ride straight.

Also can you put a glowing light bulb in the mouths of all these joggers/walkers/cyclists who continue to run around without an ounce of reflective/light gear on at night on the bike path & in the park. While you're out there can you make the cars the size of a matchbox car? Apparently their car is so big they can't figure out they're not the only ones on the road.

I'll be leaving you your regular ration of full fat milk & cookies so you can kick Skinny Santa's ass out the way if he tries to start some bs with you. I know you got the real magic water so the milk & cookies shouldn't be a problem. LOL

FYI This is a *****fest post in disguise. Happy Holidays! 

Have I mentioned that I LOVE YOU?

I skip the milk and cookies, and leave tequila and pretzels under the tree.

Ya know, for Santana Claus.

Hilarious!! But, you should expect that Billy Bob Thorton will be coming down your chimney pretty soon, if your note is any indication.

I love how your city life is so different than my rainforest life. Hearing about the differences between the two. I have an, owl with an addiction to dive-bombing my pit bull problem. Bet ya don't see THAT much in the city huh? I see Eagles daily, you see, what...Bill Clinton or Spike Lee or Robert Deniro walking around? That's so much cooler than mine.

You've always been cool to me T, Have a Happy Holiday.

We have a lot of bird problems here in the desert. Tucson gets LOTS of "lost dog" ads for chihuahuas and whatnot that were actually snagged by hawks/vultures/owls, rather than running away!

I wish we could get some owls & eagles down here, especially by the bike path at night. They'd have a real good time getting the rats that sometimes comes out at night, plus there's all the fish in the water. People are forever fishing along that path, they've got on scarves & heavy coats. They take fishing seriously over here. 

Happy Holidays. 

Come hang out with me, I've seen more than a few rattlesnakes along our bike path!

Billy Bob can slither down my chimney any old day...as long as he doesn't use his Slingblade voice...that would get on my nerves...quickly