I Should've Kept My Mouth Shut

I recently shared my decision to have WLS with someone who I considered to be a friend.  Well...I should've kept my mouth shut!  This person has done nothing but try to talk me out of having the surgery insisting that all I need to do diet and exercise.  Uh...excuse me...if that's all I needed to do I wouldn't be 150 pounds overweight.  Since that conversation I have mixed emotions.  One part of me feels they could be right, but I quickly remind myself that I have tried diet and exercise and it didn't work.  Another part of me is determined to show this person that I am making the right decision. 

Suggestions on how to shut the naysayers down would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

"(Friend's name), thank you for being so concerned about my health.  You are right.  Surgery does have risks, but I have chosen an excellent surgical team and done a lot of research into this decision.  I've prayed about it and decided that this is the best course of action for me.  I'm hope I can count on you to be by my side and help me through this transition period.   So are you ready for Christmas?   (Or any other topic other than WLS).  

Basically state that this is your well thought out decision, she is not going to change your mind, and the topic is closed for discussion.  I had to give my MIL the same speech.  It turns out she was just scared that I would have a bad outcome and leave her son a widower.  She's better now.  Not totally ok with my decision, but then my husband and I don't tell her every single thing that happens (like the fact that my IBS-D got worse since I've had the surgery.)

Good luck!

Oh, if I had a nickel for every naysayer who ever said "all you need to do is ..." with that Church Lady look on their face, I'd be a rich woman indeed.

I will always remember what my surgeon told me (lo these many years ago) about the experiences of the morbidly obese with diet and exercise.  He told me that if you took 100 random morbidly obese people and put them on a supervised diet and exercise program every single blessed one of them would lose weight.  Go back a year later and only three of them would have kept it off.

Therefore, for the morbidly obese, diet and exercise has a 97% failure rate.

There's a lot of reasons for this, not the least of which (at least in my case) was yo-yoing up and down the scale about 150 pounds three times inside of a decade, which pretty much fried my metabolism.  I couldn't lose weight if I tried, and I was way past wanting to even try.

So to your "friend", my advice would be, "thank you for your concern; however I have researched this carefully and believe that I have made the right decision.  I'm sorry you don't agree, but this is not a debate, and I need all the positive energy around me I can muster."

Congratulations on your choice, and good luck on your journey.

You go, girl!!!

As a child I loved playing with yoyos. After being on one yoyo diet after another all my 65 years I can't stand seeing a yoyo a figure of my failing all my life til now

As a child I loved playing with yoyos. After being on one yoyo diet after another all my 65 years I can't stand seeing a yoyo a figure of my failing all my life til now

Thank you, Cheryl, for your response.  I love seeing people who've kept their weight off for many years.  Because in addition to the naysayers about having the surgery itself, I'm now dealing with people who LOVE to tell me that they knew someone who had the surgery and lost all their weight (like me) - however, they continue that they put back all their lost weight plus more. 

Of course, that will happen to some.  But I agree that the statistics are MUCH better for keeping off your weight after the surgery compared with the 97% failure rate of keeping it off after a diet.

I love all the positive responses that have been suggested in answering those who try to discourage us. 

It shows that your friend is really not a friend you will find this sometimes. 

Just hearing "her" reasons for not having the surgery almost brought me to tears.  It was like she was saying that I'm lazy and I didn't try hard enough to lose weight.  She even went to the extremes of telling me about someone who died from having weight loss surgery.  By the time the conversation ended I was terrified, upset, hurt, disappointed, and contemplated not having the surgery for fear of dying.  

The risks are real so you need to understand that as well but from your surgical team not someone who knew someone who knew someone. Other than that I completely agree with everyone else's responses. 

Obviously everything has risks involved especially surgery but I wonder how many obese people she knows that don't have some condition that will make them die before they should.