Any kind of support will do

It just really sucks that the one person who is suppose to have your back and support you isn't there for you. And my BMI is 42.5.

I can't relate to the spouse not supporting me which will make it harder on you, but not impossible. Reach out to friends and family that support you. Make sure your surgeon's office provides support group meetings at least once a month. You can have meet and greets with others that live in your area having or had WLS. You didn't mention what surgery type you are having but you can post on your surgery type forum here for support.

We are here for you Just let us know what you need and we will do our best to help!

Regards,

Kathy

Member Services

I want to get RNY and thank you everyone that has posted I do feel a lot better.

There could only be 3 reasons why your husband is not supportive.

1. Afraid he will lose you to a complication;
2. Financial hardship, your insurance isn't covering your surgery;
3. Afraid he will lose you to somebody else

Does your baratric center have a support groups for spouses? If so, get him there. If not, you could seek the services of a weight loss counselor for him.

I'd venture to add a fourth reason: they are CLUELESS. Clueless about nutrition, what "healthy" should be, in denial about their own health status, clueless about metabolism and why another try at independent weight loss may not work. Just clueless!

Clueless is what I see in my husband. And as a result he's pretty much indifferent towards my effort/success. He no cheerleader for me-- but he's also never tried to convince me to do otherwise.

yes, you can say he is clueless. I thought he would learn something at the seminar. He also did some research, which probably consisted of google and "things that could go wrong with weight loss surgery" So he only read the bad in it. I'm still doing it though. I stopped listening to people telling me what to do with my life and body a long time ago. Thanks for understanding.

I have very good insurance because I work for the state. And he doesn't have to worry about me leaving. I'm not going anywhere. He's very hard headed.

I'm sorry your husband isn't understanding the need for the surgery, but I'm happy that you're a strong enough person to know this is what's best for you regardless of how he feels. I also believe that he will eventually come around, since it's obvious you have a lot of love in your marriage. My husband stayed on the fence, just saying he'd support whatever I wanted, but reiterating he was okay if I stayed the way I was.

The RNY is the best thing I ever did for myself, and now my husband is very happy that I'm at a healthy weight. I think there's always a bit of fear on the part of a spouse when there's a big weight loss, but it seems like your marriage is solid and it's not a threat.

Good luck! After also spending a lifetime of failed dieting and the discouragement and despair that comes with that, you'll be amazed and grateful at how this tool works and how for the first time in your life you'll be at a normal weight! Yay!!

Here is the link to the RNY forum..... I had RNY also and it's hard work but I never regretted it once

Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass Surgery Forum (RNY)

Step back from the surgery plans and try to get your husband's support by working with him.

Tell him that you will take him up on his offer to diet and exercise with you. You are going to have to do that anyway both to prepare of the surgery and to lose weight after the surgery.

Start tracking everything you eat with My Fitness Pal. Get trackers for both of you and make exercise a priority. Get a smart scale that sends your statistics to the tracker. Give up bread, flour, sugar, pasta, noodles, rice, potatoes, cereal, and all candy and sweets. Drink lots of water and no soft drinks or alcohol.

Your meals need to be dense lean protein with low carb vegetables. This is how you will eat after surgery and now is the best time to start.

Make this a team effort. Give this a fair chance and you will only be healthier and better prepared for your surgery. You will also be living the lifestyle and that will help to convince him that you are serious about making the changes that this surgery will require for a lifetime of better health.