Food Frustration

I like the way you think. It seems like maybe you've done this before?

I'll never tell.

April, I understand that you joined OH a month ago and haven't had WLS yet.

No one here expects perfection. I personally dislike hypocrisy.

The OP wishes that her boyfriend would suffer a heart attack. She later admits that she's trying to shame him into losing weight. These actions are not cute or funny to me. It's my opinion that the OP is projecting her anger and insecurities onto family and her boyfriend for not meeting HER expectations.

Wow. I can only imagine how that side of the family must be made to feel because you are "funding" what is supposed to be a joyful family occasion - a once a year time to set aside for gratitude. I'm sure you've reminded them many many times that you hold the purse strings.

Actually, why even worry about a special dish? You've already eaten things not on your post op diet, including scallops. By Thanksgiving I'm sure you'll be eating whatever the hell you want.

I'm sorry. No wait, I guess I'm not. If this isn't the most self centered selfish post I've read in a long time it's got to be right up there, hormones be damned. I don't even know what to say right here.

How old are you?

My surgery was Dec 22, 2014, so I was on my pre-surgery diet for Thanksgiving and all the pre-holiday parties and I busted out of the hospital on Christmas Eve. So it was the sofa and clear liquids. I survived, but i am a little concerned for this year that I don;t overeat.

Here is my plan - let me know what plan you develop. I LOVE seafood. So I am taking shrimp ****tail - as long as I have shrimp ****tail I do not feel deprived. I will wear my new tight size 8 pants to remind me to have a good time and enjoy things other than food. I have family that is very supportive and I will walk the dog if I need to get away from the stuffing and cookie trays. (And that is just Wednesday night.)

Thursday I'll drive to friends of mine (non-WLS) and they have a 5k family turkey trot in the morning. I find that when I'm done eating, I enjoy talking with people, but when if it gets annoying, I'll go outside to the porch and talk with the smokers.

Someone posted about thanksgiving last year - about how she had a few things on her plate and everyone else had MOUNTAINS of food. Her post was hysterical, I will find it and post it here.

Also helping me get through Thanksgiving is the fact that my surgeon has a Gala for his patients scheduled for Dec 4. I am not going to blow my plan a week before that. Then I'll have my 1 year check-up and surgiversary. I will tatoo those events on the insides of my eyelids to keep me focused.

This is not the exact post I was looking for - but I loved the perspective.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/vsg/3116128/Last-Nights-Fo od-Orgy-First-day-back-to-work/

Sometimes, I just shake my head in uncomprehension at my friends current (and my old) behavior.

So here's the thing - you're going to start to learn (hopefully) over the next few months that "food holidays" aren't really about the food. Yes, do families tend to get together and overindulge and enable each other to do so? Of course. But the only reason everyone's stuffing themselves with chips and dips and booze and fried foods and main courses and desserts is because there is usually an underlying tension in the family or people are waiting to see if a fight breaks out or if Uncle Jimbob is going to say something racist again this year. Food and booze stuff you up and release doping chemicals, as well as sugar crashes afterward, keeping you first calm, then groggy and listless. A perfect drug for "family harmony". Families who use food and alcohol instead of words to show love (mine is definitely one) are the worst offenders at this, and if your family isn't on board to accomodate your needs, it feels like they are saying they don't love you or support your choice.

So here's the best part: you are now opted entirely out of this ******up feedback loop. Food and you are going to have (hopefully) a radically different relationship from now on. You will go months and months without a taste of a dessert, a fried thing, a chip - and you won't give a **** Because you don't need those things and the dependence that you feel to sugar and its henchmen (carbs, booze) has been severed - literally your guts nerves are cut. So the only part of the battle left is up top in your brain pan. You are no longer part of the messed up system of family food holidays, or using food to celebrate, or to grieve, or to de-stress, or to relax. You are entering a whole new relationship with food, one that is based on mutual respect, a distinct lack of abuse or dependence. Get ready. It's a trip.

Buy a Wendy's chili on the way to Thanksgiving, doctor it up with some sour cream and shredded cheese and green onions, eat three bites and then maybe make yourself a baked apple (cored apple sprinkled with cinnamon and splenda, cooked in a hot oven or microwave) - you'll only probably have like 1 bite of that max. If everyone's doing drinks afterward, have a decaf coffee (or regular in case you end up being the designated driver for someone). And you'll be done with food from that point. Focus on your family. Find out what their years have been like. Ask your mom, dad, grandma, aunts and uncles questions about their childhoods that you've never asked before. Bring a scrapbook and have everyone write what they are thankful for this year. Take photos to add to the scrapbook later. Now you have a time capsule of this thanksgiving. That is the point of the holiday, not finding a way to make pureed turkey with low-fat gravy and a smidge of stuffing satisfy you the way that a huge meal used to.

I don't know about you guys but I was CRAZY i mean bat**** level when my surgery forced me to abruptly separate from my emotional crutch and worst/best friend .

 So I can totally relate to the out-there post and not call anyone names

. As far as Thanksgiving goes I agree that turkey cut up real small in gravy maybe a little squash and you'll be done .  What I wouldn't try any more than a bite of is any sweets because you don't want to be rolling around the floor .  Chew chew chew too and if your nose starts running or you sneeze STOP don't swallow ((((())))) hugs

Congratulations on joining us on the losers bench too !!

If you have read the previous posts it seems that I am the ONLY one struggling everyone acts perfect like they never had a hiccup or attitude. I am totally crazy for so many different reasons and not having my previous comfort to run to is forcing me to feel and deal with feelings. I appreciate your post and it helped me realize im not the only one. Just dealing with emotions head on has been a struggle. TO others that read YES i had a psych eval and YES i am in therapy weekly, NUT visit weekly and a support group so I do realize that I still need work. Just thought maybe there would be more words of encouragement instead of bashing. No one knows the whole home situation so dont judge.

That's it! You can review my posting history to know that no one has ever got a reply like this from me before.

But for you to say that, "If you have read the previous posts it seems that I am the ONLY one struggling everyone acts perfect like they never had a hiccup or attitude." really upsets me.

That tells me that I took the time to give you a thought out response based ON MY OWN PERSONAL HISTORY that I thought might be helpful.

The bad times with the hormones. The hell of the holidays. The therapy. The mourning of food. All that was me.

And others did the same thing. We wasted our time on someone who can't get out of her own way. We could have been helping someone who would really use it to help themselves.

I have never ever told someone on this board that they are destined for failure if they don't staighten the hell up but sister...you better straighten up.

Now I think I know why they laughed at you. "This crazy has bossed us around and tried to tell BF how to eat and look at her! She ate like a pig for years. Now all the sudden she thinks she knows." Hell they are probably hoping if they don't promise to cook anything you think you can eat you won't come and they won't have to listen to your pity parties.

Please don't enjoy your Thanksgiving. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.