Gotta vent a little (long)

My friend and main supporter for my surgery is ruining herself!!!!! First off let me say I'm fully aware the only person's behavior I can control is my own, but I'm so frustrated I could scream.

My friend Amanda got the RNY procedure in November 2014 and was doing so great. She was loosing weight like crazy. She was able to go off her diabetes and cholesterol meds. She had more energy and her self confidence was amazing.

I got the same procedure in May 2015. Amanda was so supportive. She really helped me through the tough post surgical transition period. Around July, I noticed that she started posting on Facebook about checking in at various buffets and Amish restaurants in the area. Then she started complaining about gaining weight and how "the surgery was failing" her. Because we are both very honest direct people, I pm'd her that she was visiting a lot of buffets and that was probably why she was gaining weight. I suggested she go back to the diet that our nutritionist had outlined and come back to support group. She acknowledged that I was probably right, but "everything is so hard right now and food makes me feel better." I responded that food was not making her feel better because she was getting tired again and her sugars were starting to go back up. She just responded with "I know, but there's nothing I can do."

Well I just looked at Facebook this am and she has pictures of her food at a local Amish buffet that is well known for its amazing (but fattening) food. She looks heavier than I have ever seen her. I feel so frustrated because I know that this surgery works IF you cooperate with it. It was working for her. She was my inspiration and my biggest supporter and now she is failing herself. I know that sounds harsh, but it's my honest feeling. I tried talking to her about it and she just has such a defeatist attitude. When I go over to her house, I bring lots of healthy food in hopes that she will eat that instead of the crap she eats now. I'm constantly inviting her to join me at the gym or just for a walk around the neighborhood, but she turns me down every time.

Again, I know that I can only control MY behavior, but not only is this situation frustrating, but also I am starting to lose my resolve around all those tasty treats. I haven't given in yet, but it is getting harder and harder. I torn between sticking with her and being super supportive and risk falling back into my bad habits and dropping her as a friend to save myself. I hate to be disloyal, but I'm scared that she's going to bring me back to an unhealthy lifestyle.

There are lots of Amanda's. In weight loss surgery and in every other undertaking.

They start out with a great show of enthusiasm and determination. Others expect great success from them but the end they fail to deliver anything of lasting value.

Don't try to help Amanda now. Bringing her healthy food and inviting her to exercise will just remind her of her failure. You can still be her friend, but if she is going to jeopardize your own success then you might need to give up spending time with her.

Only Amanda can work on controlling her food addictions. Right now you are being pulled into a role of codependency.

If you don't know about codependency, you might want to Google that or read some books. Amanda can get help from therapy or from Overeaters Anonymous. But she has to take the first step and admit she has a problem.

You can learn how to protect yourself from the hazards of addictive people by attending Al Anon meetings.

I always remember the four C's.

I did not CAUSE it

I cannot CHANGE it

I cannot CONTROL it

I cannot CURE it

If a friends'habit influence you eating - then it is time to make new friends...

She is in the grip of her addiction. Like any other addict, we should stay away from people who are deep in the weeds, if we want to stay "clean" ourselves. There may come a time when you're stronger and others' food activities won't affect you so much.

Stop checking her Facebook posts. Why are you around "all those tasty treats." Your first priority is your health.

I am watching this happen to my sister and it makes me so sad. She is less than 3 years out and from a low of a size 10 is creeping back up and past 14/16. I have nno idea what the lbs are. She doesn't say and I can't ask : -(

You can't save her and you can't control her behaviors and at some point you can't even say anything to her. I would quit going to her place and only meet her at your house or in publi****il you feel stronger about your own behaviors.