How to help your spouse with weight loss surgery

I am sorry both you and your wife are in this painful place. Is there any chance one of her Drs would prescribe and anti-depressant or other anxiety reducing med for her? Perhaps if she got to feel a little more positive she would then consider counseling.

The doctor has recommended that she look into taking medication to help control her anxiety/depression. However, because he is a specialist in gastroentronology, he said that this would have to come from her regular doctor. She wont go to her regular doctor because in her own words "the regular doctor wont help me lose weight". And she is against taking any kind of anti-depressant mediciation. She also wont do counseling because again "the counselor isn't going to do anything about her losing weight".

I do want to thank everyone for the words of encouragement. Whats really sad is that I have talked to more people in a support group than she has, and its not because she cant is because she wont. I have suggested she go to support groups - the doctor has one that meets once a month - and she wont. She will make 8 million excuses not to go "Noone to watch the baby", "theyre not going to do anything", blah, blah, blah. Everytime I say something to her she has an answer, to the point I call her the rebuttlar because she has a rebuttal to everything I say. I got to the point when I banged my head against the wall and said "This is what youre doing to yourself!". When she was throwing up a few weeks ago I was the one who called the doctor - because she wouldn't. I gave the answering service her number, because she is the only one who knows whats going on with her body. The doctor called her 6 times to no avail. She claims she didn't her the phone ring. The doctor finally called me to ask why she isn't picking up her phone.

This is what I go up against on an everyday basis.

I feel really bad for you - that's a horrible situation to be in. I would recommend you get your own counseling (maybe for your kids too) so you can all learn how to detach from the situation and set boundaries with her.

It's really, really hard to watch a family member kill themselves with food...or booze...or pills. Al-Anon wouldn't be a horrible idea either.

Wishing you and the family all the best

If what you say is accurate, she is choosing to do this; just like an alcoholic or addict continues to use when they KNOW it's killing them. Take yourself to counseling and an AL-Anon meeting. Go to as many of those as you can and DO NOT take her with you or even invite her. Just go. There you will learn that if she wants to kill herself, you can give yourself permission to get out of her way. Oddly enough, when the co-dependent person stops pushing, often the addicted person will fall down. When they finally fall down, they may want you to come pick them up; but if you have learned not to do that; they figure it out for themselves. But, believe me, it's a whole lot harder to stand there and let them do what they need to do and not blame yourself when they have trained you so well to be part of the problem. Go get yourself some help. It will do her more good than anything else you can do at this point.

It might help if you started seeing a therapist. A therapist could help you figure out better ways to support your partner and, if your partner sees you going to a therapist, being positive about it, and getting benefit, she might be willing to see a therapist herself.

I cant express how much this forum has really helped me out. As far as helping my wife, it is still to no avail. Her thing this week: If I get the plastic surgery and just cut off the excess skin/fat, that will solve the problem. I have also tried to talk to her about several issues that are hurting her.

She is constantly getting sick, because shes not taking in any calories. She thinks starving herself is the way to lose weight. I told her she needs to see her regular doctor, in which she refuses.

She wont exercise, because she says she feels to weak to exercise. She feels weak because shes not taking in any calories. She's malnourished in my opinion.

She doesn't eat because she's trying to lose weight. What she doesn't understand is her body's metabolism is shutting down, because she is putting her body in survival mode. The body is trying to store as many calories as it can, instead of burning them off and using them. She doesn't understand that her body can literally shut down.

The doctor sent her for an upper GI to see if theres anything else wrong.

I'm sure no one has a solution to this, and neither do I