To share or not to share my decision for WLS

I am very private anyway so I told no one except my adult children that live with me.  I didn't tell anyone about my hysterectomy so why would I tell them about this?  If they ask - I am honest and say I am eating less, sticking with protein and moving more - all true.  If you chose to share - great.  If you chose not to share - that is yours too.  If someone who was struggling with the WLS questions asked me - I would share my experience with them to help.  Not about judgement for me but more about things I chose to keep to myself.  

I tell anyone who asks.  For me, it's more important to maintain my integrity than to hide what I did.

I look at someone like Starr Jones who denied for months about having WLS, and how ridiculous she looked when she finally admitted the truth.  People will talk and speculate about your weight loss.  I don't believe in giving them ammunition to call me a liar.  It's a personal decision and everyone seems to have a different opinion on OH.  This is only mine.

You're an adult.  It's your business.  Tell others, including your father and sisters when you really want to - like after you've adjusted to your new eating routine and have developed confidence that this will work for you.

I haven't told anyone yet as I work through all the insurance steps.  Need to break it to my wife prior to our pre-surgery nutrition class.  So far she plans to attend.  She skipped my diabetes nutrition classes years ago.  I don't foresee anyone being supportive from my family as they have dogged me since youth to try a little harder.  Trained and completed an Ironman without loosing any weight even though I was "medically supervised" the whole time (too bad it wasn't in this current year).  Anyway, I understand not wanting to share and am very thankful for the support group provided by my surgeon's office.

I had WLS more than 7 years ago and never told my family, friends, nor acquaintances.  I was not employed at that time and didn't have to tell any manager or co-worker or HR. 

The only people who know about my WLS are the ones in clinics associated with the hospital where I had my WLS.  My dentist and eye doctor also know about my "sleeve gastrectomy with bowel resection", but they are not associated with the hospital.

I am approved for surgery on 9/17/15 and went through the same struggle that you did.  Ultimately, I decided to tell everyone because I didn't want to have to deal with friends, family and colleagues unknowingly pushing alcoholic drinks my way, suggesting we go out for some high-calorie meal, etc.  

Cognizant that others might judge me for having the surgery, I decided to "come out" by not just telling people I was having surgery, but by explaining why. Here is what I wrote:

"Hi all, I'm writing to let you know that I will be having bariatric surgery on 9/17.

My weight has been a personal and painful struggle for me ever since I was a little girl. I started putting on excess weight in third grade and have been steadily increasing in size ever since. Like many overweight children, I was taunted and called names by children in school and fat-shamed by adults I met in passing. I learned to cope by developing a strong personality and sense of humor (that you all know and hopefully appreciate!), but I never stopped feeling self-conscious or ashamed of my weight.

As a child, I turned away from fun activities like swimming because I didn't want others to see me in a swimsuit and I used to hate eating in front of others because I feared their judgement/comments. Clothes shopping, in particular, was excruciating. Back then, plus-size clothing wasn't readily available, so my mother would have to drive me to a specialty store an hour away to find clothes. Most items were made for the 60-and-older set, so I spent most of my teen years wearing polyester skirts and floral blouses in old-fashioned styles and patterns.

I've tried to lose weight on my own for many years. I first joined Weigh****chers when I was only 14 years old. There, I lost 40 pounds but gained back 80. A similar trend happened when I attempted other diets and weight loss programs. Later in life, I took a more sensible approach and worked with nutritionists, trainers, and even a licensed hypnotherapist. The end result is that I learned a lot of valuable tools, made positive behavioral changes, and lost approximately 8% of my excess body weight which I managed to keep off for a number of years.

Unfortunately four years ago, I went from being overweight to morbidly obese. The combination of being in an unsafe work environment and dealing with my father's fragile health resulted in me gaining a significant amount of weight in a very short period of time.

Suddenly, my weight wasn't just a source of shame or embarrassment; it was a daily obstacle or hindrance as well. Riding in planes was excruciating. I would often turn down invites to go hiking or ride bikes because I didn't think I could keep-up with friends. Worse still, I would constantly have to gauge whether or not I could fit into a chair with arm rests or a booth whenever I sat down. Thinking about my size was a constant in my life, and in many ways, I felt trapped in my own body.

Last November, I went to see my general physician for an annual check-up. For the first time ever, I was directed to undergo bariatric surgery from a physician. My doctor stated that I was healthy now, but that I was close to reaching a "tipping point." Over the next 10-15 minutes, she painted a terrifying picture of what my future might look like if I stayed at my current weight. She informed me that obesity is a major cause of a serious and potentially life-threatening diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and even some cancers. She also informed me that my weight was literally shaving 15 years off my life.

Since then, I have completed a mandatory six-month evaluation period through my insurance carrier, gone to seminars to learn about bariatric surgery, attended support groups for individuals who've had the operation, and performed independent research. Overall, I learned that the procedure is relatively safe and have been rigorously studied for 50+ years. The research indicates that 80% of patients not only lose the weight they want to lose and keep it off, but they also experience overall health benefits and an increased quality of life.

This summer I managed to lose 40 pounds on my own. While there are days when I'm tempted to say no to the surgery, the vast amount of research says I would be foolish to do so. According to most experts, standard diet and exercise strategies only lead to significant weight loss in 3% of all obese or overweight individuals in the U.S.. In other words, 97% of individuals who attempt to lose a significant amount of weight non-surgically gain the weight back in five years or less. The reason for this has a lot less to do with willpower and dedication and more to do with the genetic and biological challenges of keeping weight off. Many researchers now know that when people try to lose weight--especially when it's a significant amount--their bodies put them in a unique metabolic state and produce hormones (such as ghrelin) that induce hunger as well as suppress other hormones (like leptin and peptid YY) that naturally suppress hunger and increase one's metabolism. In essence, the body begins to act like it's starving and works overtime to gain regain the pounds that were lost. Thus, surgery for weight loss has been proven to be the most effective option available for obese individuals such as myself.

So, long story short, I am getting the surgery. And I'm both terrified and excited to be doing so. Here's what you might find helpful to know:

1) Surgery Details: My surgery date is scheduled for 9/17. The procedure will only last a few hours and I'll be placed in the hospital for two days for observation purposes. The doctor's office informs me that I'll need 2-3 weeks to recover before I can fully resume my normal life and work duties. I'll get more details once I have my pre-op appointment, but I already know that I'll be banned from driving for a short period of time. And while recovery times vary from patient to patient, I've been informed that I should anticipate feeling weak and having difficulty sitting-up and/or moving around for the first 2-3 weeks post-surgery. Thankfully, my mother is planning to stay with me during this time period and a number of my friends have volunteered to assist me if I need anything as well.

2) Returning to Work: [I discussed how long I would be out and when I would return to work. I also addressed how often I would check e-mail and voicemail while I was recovering.]

3) Happy Hours and General Socializing: I wouldn't miss hanging out with you for the world! In the beginning, however, I will likely be limited to water for drinking. My new dietary restrictions may also result in me either sharing a meal with someone else since I'll likely be full after a few bites or ordering something super small like a soup or an appetizer. We'll see.

4) Support is Crucial for Long Term Success. Having the support of friends, family and colleagues is going to be crucial for my long term success. That's partially why I shared so much of my personal story above--I wanted you to know that this is important to me and it's long overdue. In terms of support, I just ask that [created a different message for friends and colleagues.  For my colleagues, I said the following:] you be understanding if my communication and presence on campus is somewhat limited the first 1-2 weeks of school. And while I don't think this will be an issue, I also ask that you simply respect my wishes if I can't drink or eat something that is made available to faculty at a meeting, campus event, or happy hour. I may also have less energy for the first six-months post-surgery, but that just means that I'll operate at 110% rather than my normal 150%.

I'll stop this e-mail right here. Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to respond to this e-mail or call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. I look forward to seeing you soon and having you witness my physical transformation. Best, Tish

While I was terrified once I sent this message to colleagues and friends, it ended being one of the best decisions I ever made. Here's what happened:

1) The e-mails and phone calls of support and encouragement came pouring in.

2) Two friends confessed that they had been thinking about getting bariatric surgery and peppered me with questions

3) My friends decided to throw me a surgery party on Sunday and will be visiting me while I recover

4) My colleagues at the community college I teach at went above and beyond to help me, including switching classes with me so that I only have to teach online fall quarter. They also were very understanding about my inability to attend meetings the first 1-2 weeks of school and have been accommodating about meeting with me before the surgery date (rather than after) to take care of some work that we need to get done before the new quarter starts.

5) I heard from people who had the surgery and never told anyone and/or was given the names of people who had to surgery to contact if I wished. 

6) And so much more.

So while it's scary, I think you should disclose, but only if you explain why and/or explain more about the surgery like I did.  There is a sense of freedom that comes from having everyone know.  In addition, it can often lead to a lot more support from friends, family and colleagues.  

I hope this helps.  I hope we both have successful procedures!

I'm definitely in the "tell everyone" camp.  I knew that I'd be losing a ton of weight quickly, and I didn't want anyone to worry and think I was sick or something.

I told everyone in my family a couple of months before surgery.  Then, right before surgery, I sent an email to everyone I work with explaining what I was having done.  I then made a facebook post to catch everyone else.  I also wrote a huge blog entry describing my weight problems I've had my whole life, all the steps I've tried before, and my hopes for surgery. 

Once people understood that I was doing this to help my overall health, not just to look good, and once they understood all the hard work that I still had to do, I'm happy to say that I've had a lot of positive reactions.  There was literally only one person who was critical of me (to my face at least).  I'm glad I made my decision to be open.