To share or not to share my decision for WLS

Hello everyone,

I am a newbie to this. I have my WLS scheduled for 10/12/15. I am having the gastric sleeve done.  So far I have only shared my decision to do this with one person, my mother. She is the one person who supports me in all my life decisions without passing judgement.  

I am having difficulty sharing this with my 2 sisters, my father (who has ever since I can remember has been weight critical of everyone) and my friends who I feel will judge my decision.  I feel bad keeping this from family especially and a few friends but can't begin to think of a way to share it with them without them judging me or being over critical assuming this is an easy way out. I know I cannot be the only one going through this decision on keeping it to myself and am looking for some feedback or stories on how you may have handled it. Right now I am probably only going to share my news AFTER it is already done, maybe when someone says "wow you look good"

Thank you in advance for you guidance. I'm so excited, scared and hopeful. I just wish I could share my roller-coaster of emotions with the people I care about too.

I also struggled with that decision since I'm a private person anyway.  I chose to not share with everyone and only shared with those that I thought would be supportive.  The choice is wide open for you and do what you feel is right for you.  :)  

I never had any intention of keeping it a long term secret, but I did have a very slow and gradual "roll out" of the information.

Only a co-worker who was also looking into surgery knew I'd even asked for a referral from my doctor.  Over the next year of waiting, I joined OH and another support group but still hadn't told anyone in my life.  When I finally got the call for orientation, I told my parents and my two closest friends, as I knew I'd need support during the early, hectic days of entering the program.  Then, I slowly told a few more close friends and my parents spread the word throughout my extended family (I have no siblings).  Once I got my surgery date, I then told the rest of my friend group.  I was worried about the reaction of a couple of them as they are also overweight and the news could have been triggering for them.  Now, when someone asks what I've been doing to lose weight, I tell them the truth.  I'm not ashamed of seeking help for a medical condition I couldn't cure on my own.

Across the board, I had 100% support from everyone I told.  I had one person ask why I just couldn't exercise more, so I educated her on how weight loss actually works and how the surgery would help me.  My father was concerned, because surgery, but once he saw that I'd done all the research and it wasn't some fly-by-night whim, he had my back utterly.  My mother was a little jealous that she was too old to get it too, but is thrilled for me and my progress.

I know I'm very lucky to have this kind of entirely positive support.  I have heard a few comments second-hand from one of the people I was concerned about, but I knew that was a possibility with her and I understand it's coming from a place of insecurity and fear on her part and has nothing to do with me; plus, she's been totally fine with me in person and that's all I can really know, right?

I hope you're worried about sharing this with people for no reason.  I think that if the people in your life truly love you, they will see you're only doing this to better yourself and give yourself the chance for a long and healthy life and will want that for you, too.

I'm in the same boat. I am so excited and want to talk to everyone I know about this. My boyfriend is sick of me talking about it! I told my sister and nephew first. My sister had the lapband so I knew she would be caring and supportive. I explained it to my boyfriends Mom and Step-Dad because I didn't want them thinking I wasn't eating their food at gatherings because I was rude or picky. Plus his Mom is important since my Mother is no longer in my life. I wanted Family to know. But other than that, only 1 other person knows and that was because my Boyfriend let it slip. He knows I don't want a bunch of people to know, mainly because it's none of their business.

I am making a life changing decision and I don't need comments from the peanut gallery.  Their thoughts and opinions on if they think I should or should not get it done have nothing to do with me or my plans for the future. Plus, if their thoughts are negative, I don't need that energy around me. I am going through a major life change and doubt and criticism will only distract me from my goal. 

If someone asks me how I am losing weight or what I've done, I plan on replying with "I decided my life and health were something I needed to fight harder for, so I changed my eating and exercise habits." Which will be 100% true. They don't go around telling me every single decision they make it their lives to improve it, why should I feel the need to? I may decide to let close friend in on my decision later if they start asking a bunch of questions but I am not sure yet.

In the end, it's your decision and your life that is changing. Not everyone needs to know your ever move. Just do you and don't worry about what other people think or what they might say. Your life is about to get so much better! Just focus on that for now. IMO. Congrats on getting a Surgery date! Can't wait to get my own! 

You can tell whoever and whenever you want ...... But you can never 'un-tell'.

Personally, I told my husband and my best friend before my surgery.  Then I told other family members, friends and I-workers as I felt led to, after the surgery.

You sound a lot like me. Thank you for your message.  I am going to say the same thing you will about when people ask how I'm losing the weight.  I need to stop offering up details that are really no ones business but my own......and not feel guilty for doing so.

I told my family, friends and co-workers....basically everyone. 

Most everyone was supportive (there were a couple exceptions).  I have to say that because of their support it made things a little bit easier.  I might not have done as well without my "cheerleaders" and gym buddies.  I had a good experience telling people.  I feel bad that out of your friends and family there isn't many that would back you up and help you along.  If I were you I would start finding some supportive friends.  Because as I think I would have been lost so many times without them. 

There are always going to be people who are going to deem the surgery "an easy way out". For those people I suggest you educate them. That's how we all learn right? Give them a copy of the liquid diet and then pureed diet and ask for them to join you. *chuckles* but in all seriousness, whether you have the weight loss surgery or not there is always going to be someone judging you either way. This is a hard road ahead but it's completely worth it. What you have to remember is that you are doing this for YOU, and if people truly love you/care about you then they are going to be happy you're taking control no matter what the means. We recently had our family reunion and I had certain people who thought it was funny to tease me about eating there (which I wasnt I'm still on liquids). I just smiled and politely declined, telling them that dried out chicken wasnt worth the 20lbs I had already lost. 

Thank you everyone for the input.  I have a problem offering up too much information to people that really should be on a "need to know basis" and not everyone needs to know everything about the personal part of my life. I think I will eventually tell my sisters and that is all.  Unfortunately I don't have a list of great supportive friends in my life. Already since I have been making changes (not going out all the time) I have had some "friends" distance themselves from me.  I suppose that is to be expected and part of the big change that is to come.  I am blessed to have my mom and I will probably be making different kinds of friends as my life begins to change for the better. Thank you again everyone. I enjoy reading the stories on here. It gives me some motivation and keeps me positive.

Well for me I didn't tell anyone in the beginning, not even my mother. I'm a private person & I figure this is my problem & I'll deal with it. I even scheduled the surgery around my rotating schedule so that I'd have as many days as I could to recover & only take a couple days off from work. I didn't want to deal with anyones nonsense, I also didn't want to be the subject of gossip.

Eventually I did tell more people, at first it was only co workers that I considered friends & would keep my surgery private, then later more & more people & everyone I know has been supportive, plus they know how I am & if they wanted to talk smack behind my back I'd call their ass out on it in a NY minute.

You'll know who you can tell, some will have your back, some won't. Just remember your biggest supporter is in the mirror. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.