I'm so sorry that your husband doesn't support your decision for wls, but sometimes you'll have to be your own support system & move ahead without him. I do think couples counseling might help, maybe he has his own hangups or preconceived ideas of what wls is, maybe he thinks he'll lose you if you lost the weight & just need reassurances that he won't lose you.

I was SMO & it is very hard to lose the weight on your own & keep it off. Maybe you should look into getting therapy for yourself to get to the root of your eating. It might help you.

The 5 grand is a lot, but if you can afford it, go for it. He might be confusing the anesthesiologist fee as not being covered, not the anesthesia, or maybe a certain percentage is covered. You should check your policy.

I do hope that you go for the surgery. I know I never would've gone as far as I did without my "tool" to help me. It's just 1 tool in my toolbox, but it's a pretty important one.

Good Luck in whatever you choose to do.

My surgeon operated on me without losing all that weight.  There are surgeons who do laproscopic procedures on patients well over 500 pounds, even - you just need to find one that is willing to work with you.  Also, the amount of money you will spend in the long run on comorbidities related to obesity will way outpace that $5000 plus 20%.

It is hard when our families do not support us.  My parents were and are very unsupportive.  They are convinced I've signed my death warrant, etc.; of course they are both morbidly obese, as well.  I went through surgery on my own with friends helping me as support - and it was worth all of the struggle in the end.   Support groups and friends can be terrific buttresses for these moments in our lives.  I also echo the idea to do counseling.  I think counseling has been invaluable for me both pre and post-op.  Even if he will not goat first, it is so helpful to have unbiased and non-judgmental support when we need it.

Either way, I wish you much luck and success.

Don't cancel your appointment. I decided I was going to have WLS not matter what. I pay on a payment plan to the hospital and for other medical expenses. Most hospitals will sometimes take a percentage off the bill. 

I think it was horrible what your husband did. I know you love him. He should never have done what he did. 

You need to reschedule your appointment. You deserve to be happy. I have to say we all have to be our own cheerleader on this journey. There are support groups and us here to listen. If you really want the surgery you should go talk to the surgeon. 

You need to do what is right for you. I hated being a bystander and watching my life pass and I was just a person looking through a window watching everyone else having a good time. 

I had the surgery for me. I can't say I did it for my family I did it for me. My life has so many quality moments now. 

Go to the doctor and tell your husband he is going with you. If he doesn't want to go I would go anyway. 

You deserve to be happy and healthy. 

REad the above!  Where there is a will there is a way!

On your husband-this is for your health.  If you had a blood clot in your leg and it was going to kill you, you would operate IMMEDIATELY on it whether your husband supported you or not. Why? Because you want to LIVE and be healthy.

Morbid obesity is the EXACT same thing. IT is limiting your life, your ability to do things, and let me assure you it WILL kill you.  The difference between it and the blood clot is that it will kill you slowly rather than quickly. And the slow death from morbid obesity is expensive. Blood pressure pills and diabetes medicine are EXPENSIVE. Clothes for a MO person are really expensive!  You go through shoes quicker too (more expense) and then there is the expensive of eating excessive amounts of food. Lets not even talk about those cPAP machines.....

I dont understand where your sense of self-preservation is.  If you had even an ounce...you would keep your appointment and see the process through and STICK to your diet and exercise.  So much GOOD comes out of WLS and it is a crying shame to see you "just give up" when you havent even started.

Please go to your surgeon.

Please keep your appointment

It's nice to have support from people you care about. It's nice, but not necessary. 

Pretty much all of us go through the phase you are in now -- not being sure about surgery, and convinced we could do it "on our own." When we did finally have surgery, we all kicked ourself for not doing it sooner.

I had absolutely no support from my family but I had my hiatal hernia repair /bariatric surgery just for me .  It ended a lifetime struggle with excess weight and overeating , ended early stage diabetes and daily esophageal irritation that might  have eventually caused cancer .

My only regret is not doing it sooner.  You can pay the hospital bill off over time I hope .. but  even if you have to use every last penny you have its so worth it . YOU are worth i t  (((()))))hugs 

I am having my wls Sept. 15 and can honestly say it is a big decision. went from rny to gs as I think it will fit my life style. (I am older). About you though, is your husband overweight? Is he afraid he will lose you if you are thin? Or is he just controlling? I was married for 52 years, widow now, and my husband was controlling. I could not see that til after he passed and now I regret not bowing up and telling him to buzz off.  It is YOUR HEALTH, YOUR LIFE, TAKE CONTROL and if your husband cannot handle that, then your marriage is not strong enough and you will be better off without him. DO IT. FOR YOU.

Good luck!  If I were 400lbs, I really wouldn't care who decided to support my decision for WLS even if it meant our relationship would be forever severed.  Because you couldn't love me and tell me not to do anything to decrease 400+ deadly pounds.  

I mean if you have not given eating less and exercising  to the point of losing and maintaining a healthy weight your very best shots by all means try with all your might - you could be the 2 to 5% that succeed.  But 400+lbs means you have a serious eating and non exercise problem - SEVERE, this is not a normal human weight!  Sorry, just trying to make you wake up  . . . 400lbs deadly!

Do you know how amazingly fantastic you CAN feel with some of your weight off!  You'd want to slap your husband stupid if you felt one flicker of the relief weight loss would bring you.  You would be free my dear and who is anyone to you that would hold you captive couldn't love you.  You need to be free.  You deserve to be free from that body whether weight loss is achieved with or without surgery.

I wish you the best.

Double ditto on everything, everyone has said.  Many members have gone ahead to have the surgery with great success without family/loved ones support.  Find a surgeon that has a regular support group and they will be with you all the way.  OH is here for you always

Is your husband obese? Surgery definitely changes your relationship with food. His words could be rooted in fear: fear of losing his eating buddy, fear of losing you, etc. It is definitely worth discussing this with him. 

As for $5000, while that is definitely a large sum, it is not insurmountable. Loans, payment plans, saving up, etc., are all options. Like others said, don't discount this option quite yet. Your health depends on it.