Last year I was pursuing having the gastric sleeve done. I had to wait until I hit my 5 year employment mark so I had about a year to try to lose weight on my own before surgery....besides my surgeon wanted me as close to a 50 BMI as i could get.... so that meant i had about 120 lbs to lose. Well, I was doing very well....i had gone from 423 to 375 in a 4 month period then it all went down hill in December 2014. For some reason I lost my motivation to continue.. I don't know if it was the stress of starting a new position (i received  a promotion to a supervisor) or if I felt like I could not fail but have alot of cheat days...... i dont know... anywhoo i ended up going back up to 410 lbs. I had rescheduled my appointment with my surgeon in August 2015 to September because I was ashamed of not being able to get where I needed to be. Then the other night my husband and I were talking and I brought up my surgery again and I learned the truth.....he doesnt support me on it. And part of the main reason is because I will have to pay a $5000 deductible + 20% of the surgery and what every anesthesia is (as most of the time its not included). So i was very disappointed. I asked him why he was ok with it a year ago and he told me "because i thought you would forget about surgery and do it on your own." After that I was crushed....this whole time I thought I had his support when in fact I did not. So I canceled my appointment with my case manager and my bariatric surgeon in September. I am not going to do something that I am not going to have any support on...... I guess I will just focus on myself and try to do this on my own.... which i know i can because I started out ok..... just gonna see how far I can take this. I am still going to visit OH website regularly because it does give me a little inspiration. 

That's a shame your husband won't support you with your desire to have WLS.  Looking at your blog here on OH, it looks like you started out your diet OK but then were posting that you lost motivation and don't know why... hopefully that won't continue to happen to you in your non-WLS journey to losing weight. 

I know for me, dieting hasn't worked for any good amount of time (I would always gain it back, and then some) so WLS is the 'last resort'.  If you think this time will be different, then best of luck to you and I hope you can do it!  Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would tell my husband that I acknowledge his disapproval of my choice, but it is my body and my health (and in my situation, my money!) so he can disagree with my decision but I am going through with it anyway.  Doesn't he want you to be happy and healthy?

Best wishes!

-Felicity

Are you and your partner able to do couples therapy?  It's very disturbing that a) he's controlling your medical decisions and b) you're letting him.  

Yes! ^^^

I wish you the very best, of course, but the reality is that very few people who are SMO (BMI > 50) can lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off... which is why WLS has been such a wonderful resource for us. Studies report 5% as the long term weight loss success rate (and that isn't limited to people who are SMO... It includes people who are just obese or morbidly obese).

I agree with what the others about your husband's lack of support and you surrendering to it rather than fighting for your health (and your future... Those of us who are SMO (I started with BMI of 57) die, on average, 15 years earlier than people who are a normal weight.  To be honest, I hope you will reconsider.  Just a couple of things: 1) there are many bariatric surgeons who would not require you to lose 100 pounds on your own before surgery, 2) I have never heard of anesthesia charges not being covered by insurance for an approved surgery (although I undrstand that it is the $5k that is the biggest cost hurdle), and 3) if most of us could have lost the weight on our own, we would have (and most of us have had experiences just like yours... lose some weight and then lose motivation and gain it all back (plus some more)). Unfortunately, it  is almost impossible to stay on a "diet" for long enough for someone who is 200+ pounds overweight to get down to a healthy weight.

Lora

I agree with everything you said.  Oddly enough, after my surgery I got an explanation of benefits from the insurance stating they denied payment of the anesthesia charges (??) Not sure why. I've had a different surgery in the past and they covered the anesthesia-- its not like doing this awake was an option. 

I never got any other bills from the hospital so i'm guessing the insurance/hospital worked it out. 

it is such a shame to read that your husband does not care enough about you or your health to support you as any partner should.  To only think of your health and happiness as a finance decision hurts me so i can imagine what your heart must feel.  I hope you will look into a surgeon that does not insist on a 100 pound weight loss, and go and do that best thing you could do for your long term health.

RNY the best thing i ever did for myself.

I am so trying not to use cavalry words.  

Don't quit now.  Do you think discouragement isn't a part of a WLS patient's life?  Of course it is.  But you just keep moving forward.

If your husband doesn't want to do the surgery he doesn't have to.  YOU DO NEED THIS SURGERY.  Your life is at stake.

Get that appointment done and quit horsing around.  In another year you'll be yodeling about all your NSVs!  And we'll all be cheering for you.

Dagnab it.

I know that the decision you face can be difficult.  I do agree with Lora though. If it is for financial reasons, I completely understand that you delay or choose not to have the surgery. My SO was very much against me having wls.  There were many discussions between us. Honestly, I can say it was the fear that our relationship would change and of course it has.  For the better I can truly say. I could barely walk a year prior to surgery.  I had severe leg cramps and back pain due to my weight.   We now do so many things together.  We went hiking a few weeks ago and rafting.  I never dreamed this would ever be possible.  I could have never lost 198 lbs on my own. I had rny 11-26-13. I had tried and failed on so many diets, losing some weight and gaining back much more. I was miserable in the body I felt trapped in.  I am not the fastest loser but I weigh and measure my food, log it daily.  I think that is really what keeps me on the straight and narrow,  I know that if I gain, I know what happened.  For me it is carbs..... I watch them very carefully now.  I just keep plugging along each day.  I visit OH often.  It keeps me focused and helps keep me on track. Feel free to pm me if I can be of moral support.   I wish you the best. 

I could NOT have lost the 143 lbs on my own either.

The best I EVER did was 43 lbs and I gained it back..kicking and screaming the whole way.