Advice on changing therapists?

Hello, friends!  So many of you seem very savvy in navigating the mental health world, that I thought I would ask you:

I have been working with a therapist for about 18 months, for personal and family things.  I have appreciated her help, especially her listening to me during a genuine crisis.  However, several months ago, I also worked with a different therapist in some family sessions.  (Yes, it has been quite a year for our family.) I really liked working with this second therapist, felt a real connection to her and appreciated her approaches to things, and have thought a lot that I might make better progress with her than with the first one I started with.  So, now that my family is not working with the second one any more, and has not for many months, I would like to change to work with the second one as my main therapist.  

I am conflicted about this, because I feel some loyalty to the first.  The first one has shared some of her own life with me, and I do not want to be hurtful in discontinuing that relationship.  I know it should be a professional relationship.  I should seek what is best for me.  I know it is a little self-involved to imagine that a professional might feel slighted if I stopped seeing her. Also, I am not certain that the second one is best for me, but I continue to feel that she might be, even after many months of continuing to work with the first one.

What is a good way for me to approach this potential transition?  What should I consider?  if I change, how do I do that appropriately and kindly? Thanks for any thoughts.

The other therapist may not want to take you on as a one on one. Since you have worked with her with other family issues. I would ask to speak to her about that first and go from there. 

I wondered about that.  Thanks for your advice.

Yes, first be sure the 2nd therapist can take you as an individual client. 

But as for #1 - if she is professional, this won't be a big deal. She's your therapist, not your friend. I'd simply talk with her and perhaps start the session by saying, "I need to share that this will be our last session together. I've appreciated your help greatly. I've decided to continue my work with someone that I've worked with in family sessions as well." 

Maybe that last session will be short, and that's ok. Some may say that you may not need to share that you are seeing someone else, but if you need to sign a release of records, it would definitely be important that she know. 

And I have to say....I'm a little concerned about the idea that she has built client loyalty by sharing her own life....of course, it's probably all a matter of degree but unsettling to me. 

Yes, that was a red flag for me as well. As a mental health professional, she shouldn't be 'sharing her life' with clients. Sounds like it's time to move on. 

Thanks.  It has been a little unsettling to me too.  Not when she shared--but more now as I prepare to leave the therapy sessions, knowing enough to recognize some of her own struggles.  Still, I know I do not really know her, and the goal is for me to make progress.  I really do appreciate you responding.

Yep, what the others have already said.  It is a professional relationship and people change therapists all the time, so she should not feel slighted.  Do not be too surprised if she asks for your feedback on your work with her, though.  Sometimes a therapist will do that to see if there is something they could/should have done differently with a particular client.  Just be honest about your thoughts that the second therapist might be able to take you further. The way you explained it here was very good.

If the first therapist IS bothered by a client who wants to work with someone else, that is HER professional issue to work through (and will likely only happen if she hasn't maintained a professional objectivity).  The fact that she has disclosed some of her life to you may or may not indicate that she crossed the line in terms of how much she shared about her own life, and maintaining professional relationship... It isn't as if ALL self-disclosure is prohibited... But it needs to be limited and there needs to be a therapeutic reason/justification for it, rather than just as a way to build the relationship.)

First, talk with the second therapist to be sure she can/will take you on as an individual client (and be aware that if she does take you as an individual, she will NOT be able to do any additional family work should something arise (I don't know if that is something you need to take into consideration or not)).

Lora

Thank you, especially for the idea for how to say things in your first paragraph, and for the nuanced discussion in the second.  :-)