Struggling lately

I find myself coming back to this site more and more often. I need positive reinforcement because the thought of having surgery is scaring the crap out of me. I have never had surgery. I have never been admitted into the hospital. I have an extreme fear of needles which triggers extreme panic attacks and I have bad veins that are hard to find and collapse. The thought of lying on that table makes me want to throw up and cry at the same time, which I probably will do. Being cut and having internal wounds scares me so much that I sometimes want to cancel the whole process. 

Then I come here and I see the amazing before and after pictures and I read peoples posts about how happy they are and how its the best decision they ever made.

I hope I get there someday. 

Surgery is definitely scary. It's risky, although for most of us, much less risky than staying morbidly obese. Just look away when they put the IV in and you'll be fine -- you'll be asleep for all the real work.  :)

I had countless surgeries and medical procedures before my RNY, including having my entire small intestine scoped under general anesthesia to get to the root of 7 months of misery after 3 fruitless endoscopies and a colonoscopy. If it makes you feel better, I would gladly have the RNY again rather than ever have another salivary duct reconstructed!

Surgery is scary, especially if it's your first time. And you're young, still in your 20s? The sad thing is, if you continue down this path, by the time you hit 50 the medical issues will be piling up. You'll be on more meds than you can count, and injecting insulin. You'll need other surgeries, like replacing your knees, and then your hips. If you have good insurance, you might qualify for a really cool scooter.

This is major surgery, and only you can decide. I wish I had done it when I was your age, instead of waiting.

The process of being in the hospital, having surgery, and having your insides forever altered is a big deal....but it is worth it! WLS isn't the "easy way out" by any means, and it makes fighting obesity possible. I don't think anyone enjoys being on the receiving end of needles or being on an operating table, but they are necessary means to an end. as far as the IV insertion goes, close your eyes, listen to music, sing a song, count backwards, deep breathe.....whatever you have to do to calm yourself, do it! Your profile says you're having surgery with Dr. Houseworth....I'm assuming you're having surgery at St. Francis? I had mine done there, and for my endoscopy and surgery I was completely out, no memory of anything...they do a good job. in my experience with the hospital, they run every test under the sun to make sure you are okay before they let you go home. is there anything else I can say to calm your fears? You got this.

Something to consider and perhaps ease your mind-

When you get an IV before surgery, they usually do it on the back of your hand. Nurses have always had a REALLY hard time finding my veins when they need to draw blood, etc... but IV's are much easier for them.  Also keep in mind that the hospital staff is there to keep you at ease. Let them know that you have anxiety about needles and most are very good at distracting you and making it as easy as possible.

Don't think of yourself 'lying on a table' for surgery. You will be in a hospital bed warm and cozy, and they usually give you a sedative to make you calm and cooperative while you get wheeled back to surgery. You likely won't even remember leaving your pre-op hospital room!  I have a vague memory of seeing the inside of the procedure room, but it was for an instant... then you suddenly wake up like no time has passed and you're done! A blink of dreamless sleep and you're done!

That was my experience, for my first bariatric surgery, as well as a gallbladder removal. Not that I would WANT to go do it again, but I have high general anxiety over many things... but the actual surgery/hospital part is not on the list of things I am dreading.

You have been wanting this for a long time - the surgery is just one brief stepping stone to a happier and healthier life!

You will get there!!!

Believe in yourself and the rest will follow

The unknown is what is scaring you! It really is not a horrible experience, I have had I think it was 14 at last count of surgeries everything from several toe surgeries to a hip replacement and gall bladder removal. One of the first things they do once you get checked in at the hospital is put your IV in that way if they need to give you any meds or something to calm you they can put it in your IV so it hits you right away, no waiting a long time for something to calm you. Then it is just a matter of sitting around waiting (that bothers me more than the actual surgery) till it's your turn in surgery.

When your time comes they will roll your bed to either a pre op spot or straight into surgery. Once in the surgery room they have you scoot over to the surgical table which at my hospital is fairly thin but some are much wider just depends on their equipment. They will strap your arms and feet to the table and probably put plastic blow up boot thingies on you, they will inflate and deflate to keep the blood flowing in your legs so you don't get clots in them. They will ask you questions like what is your name and do you know what day it is ( just to make sure you are aware of what is going on and to make sure they have the right person) Then they will put an oxygen mask over your nose and mouth and have you take some deep breaths.

The next thing you know you will be waking up in recovery. they will ask your pain level and give you more meds if you need them and they will keep you there for awhile until you are good and awake. After they are sure of that they take you to your room and you get to start your awesome new life!! That doesn't sound too terrible does it?! I'd be glad to answer any questions you might have like I say I'm a professional at surgeries.

Before surgery I had the hardest little veins to find.. I hated having to get tests done. An iv took 2-3 tries at least.

I'm now about 75 down and whaddyaknow having blood tests is now a breeze...

Just something to ponder on for the flip side of surgery...

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words. I know that in the end, it will all be worth it and I still plan on moving forward with the process. I have my last nutritionist visit and my 1st psych evaluation on Sept. 1. After the 2nd evaluation and my blood work, I'm ready to schedule my surgery. The 6 month insurance delay just makes this process crawl by and all I can do is wonder and consider worst case scenarios. I know I need to do this sooner rather than later and I have every intention of completing every requirement to get me to those surgery doors. 

I just hope my nerves don't get the best of me and I can get thru them. I feel like I am suffocating in this body.