I'm starting to mourne

did i read yoyr post correctly?? 100 pounds in 6 months??!!  thats alot really fast, thats AMAZING!! my surgery is 9/21 im going to keep YOUR post in mind, WOW!!

I completely understand how you're feeling. Being "the fat girl" has been a part ofy identity as long as I can remember. It's shaped who I've become, how I stood up for myself, how I learned to accept myself for who I am, how I've always told the world and it's beauty standards to eff off. It's caused me to become a stronger, more resilient person. So in a way I almost feel like im turning my back on that girl, like I'm giving in. But then I remember how much healthier I'm becoming, how the quality of my life will change for the better, and how much longer I will live. And I remind myself that those are the reasons I made this choice. 

This process is very emotional. Everyday I struggle with feelings I never anticipated and don't quite understand. It's just part of the deal. 

Good luck with your surgery! 

I can completely sympathize with this. I've been "the fat girl" since I was 6 years old. I went from plus-size kids' clothes to plus-size women's clothes. I literally don't know anything else, and 122 lbs down, I'm having some real anxiety now about rapidly changing characteristics I'd always (consciously or unconsciously) incorporated into my identity.

It's normal to mourn, but it's so worth it for what you get in return. For me, it's just taking time. I first felt like I didn't know who I was when I started eating vegetables (for literally the first time in my life) when I started my 6 months of weight management visits. Now it's just my normal. I expect it will take a lot longer to feel comfortable in a non-plus-size body than it did to feel comfortable eating veggies, but all I can do is wait it out and try to enjoy the ride. 

thank you for sharing  MY story, lol. since i can remember, in kindergarten being the fat kid.i was always the largest person. i have to wait and see too, but its amazin the changes ive made ALREADY  i started my journey at 341 pounds on march 16, now im down to 304. surgery in 1 month!! 9/21.

I love this post and the replies because it put into words some of what I have been feeling of late. It also is so good to read that others are feeling /thinking similar things. I have been thinking a lot about this lately...the idea that I need to say goodbye to certain parts of my life/my habits/my persona so I can say hello to new parts. I think, for me, I do need to mourn some things so that I can leave them behind! I don't see this as a sad thing but more as an honouring that those things (I.e. Strongly standing up for myself when someone felt it was ok to judge me by my weight) and that I no longer need them. It is all a part of the continuing journey:) What great minds are part of this group!!:)

NOT only will you NOT miss her, after awhile you may become angry at her! I know I'm painting this with a broad brush and from MY perspective but you may be angry that she treated you this way for so long. Angry that she took away your self-worth, your self-esteem, your confidence. Angry that she would not allow you to shop in normal stores, or wear normal clothes, the latest fashions. Angry that she got so tired when just walking up a flight of steps. Angry that she kept you in the background so long in matters of romance and love. Angry that when you walked in a mall or down the street and saw your reflection in the windows or mirrors that she was different. Angry that tying your shoes was an event. Angry at the stares, the profiling, prejudices and preconceptions that she allowed upon you. You won't miss her, you'll just say "good riddance-there's a new sheriff in town!" And that new girl......? Her....you'll welcome! Just MY perspective.

OMG...this is so on point for me.  Thank you Willie.H

I understand your post Willie. I was very angry and embarrassed to have let myself to get to the point of needed surgery to lose the weight. I am learning to let her go so I don't beat myself up about it. 

I am sorry this is so frightening for you. I understand what you are experiencing.  There is fear and a lot of 'what ifs' that go along with this surgery.  There are head games that you play with yourself. There are the perceived fears, the real fears and the everything in between fears.   If you can, perhaps speak with a counsellor regarding your fears and really find out what is at the root of all this.  This is not a journey to be taken lightly.  It is a force to be reckoned with and after surgery, there is no going back.  The fact is, whether people accept it or not, you are NOT the same after surgery.  I mean this in the most gentle, supportive and encouraging way.  This is life altering and that is the only way to think of it.  You will have a lot of ups and downs just as you do now, only you will have to find a friend other than food to confide in.  That 'friend' varies from person to person. 

For people to say that it did not change them, that is a virtual untruth.  When you change something so obvious as your weight, the whole world shifts and sees you in a new light.  You will be aware of things about you that you never considered before.  Not everyone in your life now will love it.  You will change as you learn new things and adapt to a new lifestyle.  While you might essentially be the same in terms of being a jokester, prankster, or being shy, or being the life of the party, life will be different.  Change is hard.  We are creatures of habit.  Unless you really, really want this, don't do it yet.  I am all for anyone who needs this surgery to have it.  Just be ready to accept that there is change coming. 

Keep your chin up, girl! 

You will not miss her! You will love the new girl you find. I can speak from having loss 108 lbs on WW  prior to having wls. I felt great and when I gain most of that back...I hated myself more. I discovered I didn't like that big girl anymore, liked her less and now glad to be back to seeing that new smaller girl coming back. Shopping is fun again and not a just out to try to find something to fit the big girl that looks good...I mean really...how good can a big girl look in big girl clothes.....lol.

You are going to love the new girl you find down the road!!