Support??? Really??

i was excited to buy a size 8 Jean today and was telling my "loving mother" about my victory. She says, "oh, well, you could never wear that at Penney's or a cheap store. Expensive clothes are always larger to appease the rich women."  I said, I do wear an 8 or 10 at Penney's OR Target. Her response "well, aren't you just a tiny little thing?"  WTF???  JEALOUS MUCH???  I wouldn't consider myself tiny if I was a zero. I am and will always be a big, ugly fat girl. How can a "mother" take this away from her daughter?  Toxic much??

thank you for letting me vent. 

That is so toxic , you called it. Protect yourself in your interactions with her... and know she's not capable of giving any validation. So you have to give it to yourself! You've earned it.

Lesson learned. You obviously cannot share things related to your weight loss with her. Share that kind of thing here.

Honestly, I have never shared my size with my mother or even my friends, actually. To me it comes across as bragging. I save it for here. I think a weight loss website is the appropriate place to share information like this.

You don't need to be mad at her just put on your size 8 and strut your stuff girlfriend!  And don't expect validation from people you love wait for them to say something.

The nasty side of human nature... co-workers, friends, even worse when its family though... can't eliminate them from your life as easily... and it being your Mom :( My Psy 101 class many moons ago refers to it as "leveling" it's based on the fear of the status quo changing... your place in their world is changing and the comments, snark, are a way of bringing things back to a level they feel comfortable at (power manipulation.) You could approach her and say the comments hurt, saddened, angered you but generally in my experience it doesn't usually change their behavior. Remember you can't control what others think, say, feel but you can control your reaction to it. I make it a sort of joke with the people that do it in my life... like snark-watch... I wait for it and time it... and sure enough they never disappoint. Take back that emotional power ;)

~Michelle "Shelly"

Awesome advice, Shelly!  Thank you. 

so sorry, that is so sad.  Just ignore her and know you did the right thing for you.  Eat healthy and exercise and enjoy your life.  My husband also had the surgery and we share little successes between ourselves and support each other.  He has a sister who also had the surgery who is prone to bragging about everything - and whining  - so we just ignore her.  Can't pick your family.     

It's so funny you said that.  My mother said that exact thing to me once a long time ago when I lost weight after my daughter was born.  I was able to wear a size 9 I bought from Marshall Fields and she said the exact thing to me. 

My mother was not a motherly type.  Not very supportive or nurturing.  I figured the statement came from a bitter, jealous woman.  The people in my life that cared were very happy for me. 

At least you see her comment for what it was.  Don't spend too much time wondering how a "mother" could say or do this or that.  It is a waste of time (believe me I know).  Surround yourself with positive, supportive, life affirming people.  Make them your family.  See your mom only when you need to.  That is my advice. 

And congrats on your NSV!!!

Wow I can relate I grew up with a mother like that but she passed away two years ago :(  No idea why they do that but just remember how hard you worked and how much heathier you are now!  Not worth arguing about it; you know you are an 8!!!! You are not a big ugly fat girl!!!!! I was told years ago by a therapist to stay away from toxic people including my mother; just spend some time with them but do not allow them to feed the negativity!

Just playing devil's advocate:  is your mom overweight?  If so, I can kind of understand how she feels.  When I was obese, someone bragging about their small size in jeans would have felt like a criticism of me.  I already felt really bad about my weight.  Is that wrong?  Sure.  But it's kind of like showing someone with acne how clear your skin is.  Just recently, my friend who is still very obese got a tummy tuck.  Every time I see her she goes on and on about how flat her stomach is now -- and truthfully, while I am happy for her, I do feel jealous.  Of course, she isn't my daughter  -- but I do feel jealous.  Last time I was with her I did say something snarky and then apologized and told her that I felt jealous because I could never afford to get my loose skin removed.