I'm back and I need some friendly advice

Being at a better weight is always a bonus on your health overall, even if it doesn't help this particular condition. I was one of those people who never thought I'd do this. For me I think it was having a grandson, and realizing I wanted to do my best to meet all my grandchildren. My Mother didn't get to meet any of hers. Not because of weight but because of smoking.

I said when I had this surgery, this is my job right now. It is like the horse with the blinders on to stay focused - that is part of why I come on here, to stay focused. I go to 2-4 support groups a month as well, at the hospital and in the community. I had to make some changes in my schedule to drop some things so I could go to support group, not everyone was happy with that, but I was happy with that. Follow the rules they give you and it will happen.

That's very true, any increase in health related to my liver or not would be a good thing.  I'm so happy you are able to spend lots of quality time with your grand children, and they are very lucky to have you :)

I definitely need to focus on one thing at a time, I feel in the last few days a lot of questions and reservations I have are sorting themselves out in my mind. I have some research to do to make sure I'm going into this with my eyes open, some questions (thanks to this thread) to ask my surgeon and a clear picture of the route ahead to where I want to be (happy, healthy and planning my family)

It is awesome that you are looking for many ideas, too many people tend to just plow into a situation without looking at all the options. I understand how it can be overwhelming to want a child but I really think that in your situation it would be better to hold off for a year (most surgeons request a year before trying), get your weight loss surgery and then work on getting pregnant so you can be at your optimum for motherhood (it's one rough job). For some reason people tend to be more fertile after weight loss surgery so may as well get that first and up your odds of conception!

There is a huge difference in a newborn and a 5 yr old. The least of which is a baby has to be carried everywhere along with a diaper bag and your purse. That can add up to quite a load and it gets much heavier before the baby can walk well.

Another thought and forgive me for being a bit morbid but you want to have the weight loss surgery first so you can be your healthiest. God forbid you have a baby first then die with the weight loss surgery or suffer some sort of permanent damage then your husband is left caring for a tiny baby plus all the rest of life alone and that isn't fair to him.

I do like ****ro Girl's idea of a RNY stomach but not the malabasorbtion part of the surgery so you don't malabsorb any important nutrients for your health because you lose the malabsorbtion over a couple of years anyway but you would always malabsorb vitamins and you don't want that. Her idea would be a perfect solution. I know many people who have had the full RNY and have very normal lives it is a perfectly good surgery too.

As for skin issues we all have them to one degree or another. I've lost 140 lbs and have some hanging skin on my arms but I'm also 64 yrs old so I would have it anyway, but the rest of me isn't so bad. If I wear pants that are stretchy but hold their shape well I look great, you wouldn't know there was a wrinkle anywhere on me! Wrinkles and droopy skin are still better than rolls and rolls of fat!

These are all things you will need to discuss together. If I were you I would make several lists of pros and cons of each situation and go with the one with the most pros and least cons. That way you can see right in front of you in black and white which is the best decision. I wish you the very best, you have many serious decisions to make, may you find the guidance that brings you the best life and the most happiness. God bless!

Hislady you just made me smile :)

I really don't want to rush into this and I'm finding everyone's responses very helpful, although admittedly it is hard reading advice saying I shouldn't have a baby even though it comes from a good place and has good logic. 

Boyfriend and I had a long talk last night, we just had a pregnancy false alarm in the last few weeks and so emotionally we're both a bit on edge where babies are concerned. We agreed it would be better to wait not only for the reason of the surgery but for life reasons (he is moving to Switzerland from Germany, which in distance terms is less then 10km since we live either side of the border, but in paperwork terms quite significant), moving in together etc etc.

Having a child and not seeing it grow up is one of my worse fears. Of course I will do everything I can to ensure I am at my healthiest before I get pregnant, my fear is that this is the healthiest I will ever be. 

Thank you so much again for everyone's responses they mean a lot to me and are helping me sort my thoughts out.

Forgive me if I am being ignorant, but normal weight or not, wouldn't having a baby put an unnecessary strain on your liver? Why would you risk that? Why not consider adoption?

Hi Laura, no worries I don't mind answering questions about my illness. The simple answer is that many woman who has AIH have successful pregnancies (there is a very active support group), actually pregnancy suppresses the immune system (to ensure your body does not reject your baby) so people with all kinds of autoimmune illnesses (MS, Lupus etc) can enjoy a small remission in a pregnancy. It does mean that I may need additional monitoring, and I have good health insurance to cover that. 

As for why I think it's worth the risk, its the same as a good number of woman I have a biological urge to reproduce, I love my partner very very much and it would be a great privilege to give him a biological child that is half me and half him. Yes of course if it turns out to not be possible then of course I would consider adoption, in addition the adoption process is extremely difficult so there is no guarantee we would be eligible.

Lastly I do not believe it should only be a privilege of the extremely healthy (or beautiful or rich or whatever else history has tried to impose on populations for reproduction) to product offspring. I am not disabled, but even if I were I do not think this should mean I should not have children. I have a chronic illness/ autoimmune disease yes, but this does not mean I would be a bad mother. This does not mean I am a bad person and this does not mean I should be denied the possibility of biological children. 

I am willing to admit my current health may not make this the best time for a baby and it could be better to wait (in fact this is what we have decided to do), but socially I have a good job, a great support system, good health care. No ones perfect it won't be the best time, it wouldn't be the worst time. This is a personal decision and for me it is worth the risk.