Husband downer!!

ugh!  I've been so exited and positive. Up until now my husband has been very supportive. Last night he told me I am going to loose weight and become a different person who will not want to settle just for him.  I have always had low self confidence. I've always been the fat girl. He has always told me I'm pretty. He has always encouraged me to have better self confidence. When I told him I love him more than life itself. He said "yeah we will see, we will end up divorced". For a few minutes I thought " maybe I won't get the surgery which is aug 7."  Then I came to my  sences, I'm doing this because I am very unhealthy and unhappy. If he loves me why wouldn't he want me happy and healthy?  I hope this surgery does not cost me my marriage?  I have a feeling he may push my soon to be skinny ass right out the door?!?!  

I have to say my husband has said the same thing..and we are having surgery within a couple weeks of each other if every thing goes well. I think this is normal fear for people. That once we lose the weight we will find someone "better". I have the same fear about my husband... What if he has surgery and doesn't want me anymore. But we have been through so much together ...I think that deep down we both know that neither one of us is going anywhere. I would suggest just be as reassuring as possible. You got to remember that even though we are the ones having the surgery it is a big adjustment for those around us as well. They need support just like we do. Hope this helped in some way..

I have had my long time fiance's family say things like...." You aren't going to leave him once you lose weight are you? "  When I first heard that it kind of shocked me, I mean I'm definitely not with this man for almost 16 years because I'm heavy. I LOVE HIM...and believe me we have been through a lot....including infidelity and alcoholism on his part, so If I were to ever leave him it's not because I'm losing weight PERIOD! He has been supportive and has not made any insecure comments at all, and I am thankful for that. It sounds like your husband is just nervous/ insecure that you will end up leaving him for someone better looking once you lose your excess weight. Just reassure him that you love him and it's not because you are heavy. Please don't cancel your surgery, I'm sure you have wanted it for a long time and I'm sure you will be happy with the results in the long run! Here is to a happy healthy you!!!!!

Fear of the unknown is a lot yo live with. There are coupled who break up post WLS. It may by that the thinner person wants to be a caregiver and they aren't needed in that capacity after the weight loss....o it could be that the thinner person is attracted to larger people...

lots of reasons. If worse comes to worse, you can always go to family counselling so a professional can hear each of your concerns and offer some mediation.

Sounds to me like his insecurity in himself is showing.  Change can be an even more difficult thing to deal with when one has low self esteem to begin with.  My DH and I are each seeing a counselor in the same practice and have given these therapists permission to talk to each other about what's going on with us.  On occasion, all 4 of us have a joint session and it's helping us SOOOO much!! It's not always easy to deal with such scary topics, but it's well worth it.   Slowly, but surely it's making each of us stronger people and we're better as a couple, too. I'd advise that you both find separate counselors right now, and not wait till things get worse.  WLS is a major life change, and it's better to work on major personal issues, like low self-esteem as soon as you can.  This will help you be more successful in you WLS and your marriage.  Please don't just sweep this under the rug and hope for the best.  Being proactive and starting work on it now will help you both sooooo much!  Talk to the folks in your surgeon's office, ask around for a good therapist or two.  You won't regret getting stronger and more beautiful from the inside out.

It will be an adjustment for you both, you will gain more confidence.   He is just insecure and may become more so, but he will also love the changes in you too.   Just keep reassuring him that you love him unconditionally and he will be alright.

Just keep reassuring him that the only thing leaving is your fat!  Hope it helps you.

Divorce rates for people after WLS are unfortunately high.  Knowing this, hopefully you can start working on your marriage now before it gets bad.  Obviously you need to keep trying to reassure him, but it may help to get some counseling now.  There's a lot of insecurity when one spouse loses weight, and the other doesn't.  One of the things that helps couples is when they both try and lose weight together.  Even if he doesn't get surgery himself, if he can make some lifestyle changes himself, and maybe get into shape himself, then it can be something for you two to strengthen your marriage.  Of course, if he's already skinny, then this is all moot.  

But like you said, you need to get healthy, and you need to be happy.  Good luck with surgery and with your husband.

My DH made a similar comment when I first started the process of WLS. He was insecure that I would still want to be with him if I was thin. I reassured him constantly, and he also decided to join me on my weight loss journey by being on the same diet, just with normal portions for him. This made it a journey together and helped both of us get healthier.

I've been on these boards for close to 10 yrs now and from what I have seen is that marriages that are working and where there is love and trust to begin with do fine. The ones where there is insecurity on either partners side usually takes a bit of work. Many times guys that are controlling go for fat girls because they figure they won't leave them because hey are desperate to have a husband! They get worried the girls will leave once they get some self esteem. If you can get into some counceling now it would be best, go yourself if he won't go with you, it will help in the long run. Just make sure along the way that you let him know he is still the special one for you. On the same not tho don't let him manipulate you and ruin your self esteem. Stay strong and keep your health first and foremost in your mind!