What to say? The family reunion variation on the theme . . .

(copied from the cross post)

My standard responses to:

Person: "OMG, you've lost so much weight!"  - Me:  "Thank you."

Person: "OMG how did you lose so much weight so fast?"  -Me "I had weight loss surgery."

Person: "OMG what can you even eat now?" - Me "Anything, but I try to follow a protein forward diet, then veggies, then carbs."

Person: "OMG how much weight have you lost??"  Me - "A lot." (admittedly sometimes I will say 100 lbs if I know the person well)

Person: "OMG how much more do you want to lose??" Me - "I'm at my goal right now, but I'll see what my body adjusts to."

Person: "OMG you're getting so skinny, don't get anorexic!!"  -Me "Thanks, but my surgeon and I agree I'm at a healthy weight."

Keep it simple and short and move the conversation along.  I've found that many people won't say anything (especially if they have their own weight issues)...just my experience.  That's all I've got right now.  I hope you'll have fun at the reunion.  xoxo

Those are all great responses!  It does seem like people's comments tend to fall into a group of predictable things.  And, I will remember to turn the conversation back to them.  Thanks for taking the time to offer advice on this day that is such an emotional one for you.

You said they have all struggled with their weight.  I would just wait till they are all together and just sort of mention it.  Be excited about it.  Confident.  If you leave yourself vulnerable they will see that and want to help "fix you".  Instead take the bull by the horns and just say you and your doctor have been working on your weight for years and you both decided that the surgery was the best tool to help you and you are successful!  you'll want to answer a few questions, but then say you don't want to focus just on yourself, and start asking others about their issues.  They are family.  they will feel they have more of a right to know what is going on.  trying to hide it doesn't work.  embrace it and be proud of what you have accomplished!

Thanks, AmyDee.  That is good advice.  Confidence.  I have also been following your story on OH--I hope things are going better for you after your post-surgery challenges.

I am doing very well now, thank you so much for asking.

Yes, a lot will be said to you and about you now and for the next couple of years ****il people get used to you at your goal weight). Then you will have to fight tooth and nail to STAY at your goal weight or you give them ammunition to talk more about your weight.

At almost 7 years out, no one makes comments about my weight anymore.

Dang.  Your reminder about being a topic in future years is really one reason I am nervous.  Like, "I know things look good now, but I don't yet feel like I can control the future!  Love me anyway!"  It is true, that long-range view--I will have to work, but people will see me as me.  Thanks, Laura.

I did not mean to scare you. I continue to take care of myself first and foremost for ME, but honestly the fear of becoming the center of attention again (due to regain) helps me stay on track. I like blending in to the crowd.

You will get through this. It just may take some time so hang in there!!

Cross-posted from the RNY forum:

Just an update, since a couple of you asked for a report!  (And also, if anyone ever is searching for a similar topic and reads this thread . . .)

So, the family reunion turned out well.  I did experience a range of responses, just as predicted by other OH members!

My one brother (The Great Wise One), and his wife, did ask about my weight directly and about my surgery in depth.  At first, this brother kept asking me if I was sick.  Not sure if he really did think I was sick, or if that was his way of getting me to talk.  He did do some of his characteristic philosophizing, but none of it seemed to be a put-down.  He just does dig a lot for detail--not detail about my experience, but detail about why I made the decision.  This was uncomfortable, but I channeled the OH advice to be open and positive, confident.  Positive, confident.  Positive, confident.

Another brother said nothing to me about my weight until the very end of the three days. I could tell he did a double-take when he first saw me, but he did not say anything--I think because of politeness.  After the several days, when we were saying goodbye, he hugged me and said, "You look good.  You are working hard.  Keep it up."  He never asked about the surgery, so I never told him about it--and there was never a good time.  So I now think I will follow up with an email to him.  Since everyone else now knows,  he might feel hurt if left in the dark.  (Possibly he knows too--just not from me.)

My third brother, who already knew about the surgery, wanted to ask what it was like--how my diet differed on a daily basis, etc.  His wife was also interested.  Although they did not say so, I think they are considering this surgery for him.  This was very comfortable and matter-of-fact.

My two sisters did know about the surgery already.  They just said a few things, like "cute shirt!" 

My dad just gave me a hug and said, "You look so good."

My mom always wants to know a number of pounds.  Always.  But she is my mom, and a lovely person, and 83 years old.  So every time she asks me, I say, "Well, Mom, I don't like to give numbers, and I don't tell anyone else.  But I will tell YOU."  And then I whisper the number to her, and she smiles and pats my hand.

I did wear some really fitting clothes!  I flaunted things, like Grim suggested.  Felt a little uncomfortable in those tight clothes.  But two of my nieces were so kind to me.  One of them (age 19) said, "Aunt [Pokemom], you are so pretty!  I was really noticing that!  I was also looking at all the old photos and saw your wedding pictures, and you have always been so pretty."

So, overall, very positive.  A range of responses.  And now the Big Awkward is over, and it is all about going forward!

Thanks again to everyone for their positive support and kindness!