What to say? The family reunion variation on the theme . . .

I have read several threads on OH about what to say when people ask about your weight loss.  I take all that advice in.  But now I am facing it all for real, myself.  And I need a few reminders, and a little self confidence going into . . . the dreaded multi-day family reunion.

At the end of this week, I will spend 3 days with my family:  my parents, 5 siblings, and the children and grandchildren of my siblings.  I have lost just over 70 pounds.  I have told some family members about my WLS, but not others.  I have seen some family members since my surgery, and have not seen others.

I hate being a topic of conversation; I hate feeling judged.  My family are nice people in general, but of course we have our issues.

All of my siblings have struggled with their weight.  We have all had varying degrees of success and relapse over the years.  By last year, I was definitely the biggest of the 6 siblings. 

I am especially concerned about what I will hear from one of my brothers, and how to respond to him.  He can be really judgmental, and he offers much unsolicited advice.   Even his "supportive" words feel icky.  He sees himself as the Great Wise One, and he does not realize how cutting his comments are, how small they can make you feel.

I feel I need to "come clean" at the reunion.  Mostly I just want to be there and not have to discuss my weight or my appearance in any way.  But I am certain it will come up, and I must not keep secrets in this setting.

Thoughts?

If you choice to tell them all what you did, that is your business. I would just tell them as they all know that you have struggled with weight issues for a long time and had surgery as a tool to help you with that. It's not easy and you still have to follow a plan but the tool helps you stay focused and do that. It was not the easy way out. But it was something that you decided to do to help you become a healthier person. And if you need to tell them that is the end of discussion.

Thanks.  I am hoping that if I approach it with a positive attitude, then that will help!

I have a similar situation coming up in two weeks. Huge family reunion. I've lost 140 pounds. I just assume everyone knows I've had surgery at this point, so I'll speak honestly about it when asked. And I have become a master at changing the subject when I get tired of the attention. 

"Yes, I've lost a lot of weight, thanks!  What TV shows are you watching these days?"

"surgery was awesome for me!  Did you catch the women's World Cup game?"

"I don't know how much more I want to lose. Is the water warm enough for swimming?"

etc :)

Great about changing the subject.  My therapist calls this the 'squirrel' tactic, and I will practice that!

Well, having lost nearly 200 lbs and going from a size 30/32 to a size 6-8 -- I experience this a lot. I am honest and to the point -- and frankly, if my brother made me uncomfortable I would say exactly what you did in your post: I know you intend to be supportive, but do you realize that what your saying to me is making me feel icky and small?   and to others who made me uncomfortable: Thank you for your concern/compliment/etc but I really hate being the topic of conversations -- it makes me feel judged... let's move on... what's going on in your life?  and finally:  I know I am getting healthier and look a bit different than last time you saw me, but I just want to be here with all of you and not worry about my appearance.

It's really okay to set boundaries. 

Great advice :)

Thanks, Kat.  Those are all good scripts.  I like how they are honest and gracious at the same time.  Setting boundaries--in many areas--is something I am working on as I lose the weight.  It seems like that is a theme for many of us.

Oh yep - I remember dealing with that issue.  I remember desperately wanting to "just be normal" like everyone else, and not have the subject of weight loss be presented to me.  Ain't gonna happen though.  Comes with the territory).  Your experience, bad or good, will depend on how you prepare. 

Me?  I was open and honest.  Be as honest as YOU can; and as OPEN as you are comfortable with being.  Know that people can see through convoluted explanations like "I've been concentrating on eating more protein" and statements like that(don't get me started!).

I don't know - I was very proud of my decision and proud to be kind of the poster child for weight loss surgery.  Hopefully my confidence and commitment was evident. People will think what they want to think.  But your attitude and demeanor will go a long way as you just keep getting better and better!

All the best to you.  Enjoy

Sandie 

Thanks, Sandie.  I spoke with my therapist about this today, and your thoughts echo her advice:  that I can make any such conversations positive by my attitude.  Angst will convey angst.  Confidence will instill confidence.  I do feel really great about my decision, and I am proud of myself, and I need to remember that, and that I do not need to apologize.