Post WLS: Are you MORE or LESS compassionate towards overweight/obese friends, fam,...

Good question. I find that I probably want folks to 'do something about it". I want them to know that life can be so much different. I have two younger sisters and they both have health related issues, that are upsetting to me. It feels sometimes like food, or addiction to it , is winning in my family. I don't think I am mean about it, and I just try to model as much as possible and hang out with people who see a different way. I also had 3 people at work who had WLS. One died from alcohol (post WLS cross addiction) , one has regain plus, and the other seems like she is going the regain route now too. It is interesting since the one who has the regain plus, was originally my motivation.

I do think that folks are critical of things that they haven't resolved within themselves and some of the newbie WLS folks can be bad. The other thing is that losing weight fast (like after WLS) puts you on an emotional roller coaster ride, with anger being a big emotion that a lot of overweight folks have never learned to deal with......(just read some of the posts here). So overall, my answer is......drum roll....that many formerly obese WLS folks can be mean/*****y etc. after surgery. Hopefully as they go through the process, they will be more supportive to others in the future.

deb366

I have to say I feel compassion. I also feel sadness. I am not sure it is because I am looking at myself when I see them. The struggling that I had to be able to just go out and all of the excuses I would make. I also like want to tell them about the surgery.

I am very open now about it. I don't care anymore if anyone knows it. I also don't care if someone knows I go to therapy two times a month. I figure if one person hears me maybe I will help them. 

 

I am sure your friend is just striking when she is angry or scared of what is going on in her life. 

This is such a great question and something I find myself thinking a lot about lately.  Like others have noted, I find what I really want to do is go up to the person and tell them all about WLS...HOWEVER, as others have noted this doesn't work unless you are ready to commit. It's a tool and it's an amazing one at that, but it's not a miracle.  I have an aunt who had surgery about 10 months after me, and everyone though b/c she saw I was successful, she'd be on track day 1.  Well, she hasn't really utilized her tool, has only lost around 40 lbs and the way she eats I won't be at all surprised if she gains it all back and then blames the surgery for not working.  

My point is, I remember what if felt like feeling trapped inside my own body and hating how bad I felt all the time.  When I see MO or SMO people and they show any indication of wanting to change, I'm as open about surgery as I can be with them.  In terms of my attitude overall, I think I'm more compassionate now than I was before, b/c I remember how awful I felt and all the inner battles I was going through, and how I always tried to put on a happy face even though I was miserable inside.  When I was SMO, I think the only thing I felt towards other obese people was "they prob want the air conditioner turned up too", lol

I am more UNDERSTANDING of people who are overweight and of course, understand.  I just wish that they all knew about the option of WLS.

 

I am more compassionate overall.  However, after realizing that all one needs to do to lose weight is to exercise portion control, I'm sometimes not very compassionate with myself.  If only I had stopped stuffing myself and eaten more sensibly, I'd never would have needed WLS.

Also, when I see people bellyaching about this or that diet while stuffing their faces with second and third helpings, I have to bite my tongue to keep quiet.  

So while I never say anything unkind to people in the throes of an eating disorder, internally I want to shake them and at the same time kick myself for not realizing the truth without having to have my stomach rearranged.

Ambiguous?  Definitely.