Post WLS: Are you MORE or LESS compassionate towards overweight/obese friends, fam,...

Yea, I see the sadness, too... Or I think I do, but that may be (partly) me projecting.  I have had a few times when I have seen someone really physically stuggling (to walk, to fit into a seat, to squeeze through a narrow space, etc.) when I really wanted to ask them if they have considered surgery, but I don't, of course.

I'm not no where near skinny or my goal but I'll be honest that when I see a SMO person I say in my head  "they need to have the surg" I say it in a way like the person is way to big and needs help but I think it's more of because I've been there and I know how awful it is! I don't think I could ever look down or talk down about someone who is bigger but I find myself doing this all the time now it kinda feels mean spirited but If it is I know it's coming from a place of compassion if that makes sense! I just want all ppl who are struggling especially the SMO to get on the wls bus that's all! 

This question really made me think. I have always been compassionate to people who have an illness, a disease or some problem that is out of their control. I believe that someone who is morbidly obese (like I was) has a specific reason for being that way. It may be an unresolved emotional situation, something from childhood trauma or an impulse control issue related to addictive personality disorder and overeating.

With that said, morbid obesity is a treatable condition, with or without weight loss surgery. When I see someone who is MO I recognize that they have yet to reach a point in their lives that they want to do something about it. Very similar to a drug addict or an alcoholic - it is within that person to change their life and become healthy... They simply have not chosen to make a change yet.  

I was MO because of my genes, predisposition and..eating too much wrong foods. I knew it then, and I know it now. 

I was very hard to maintain.  It is not easy.  I feel bad for MO people right now. A lot if Them are like that beacause of underlying causes and lack of education on nutrition. Even medical comunity is still confused what good diet is.  Most people still be live eggs are bad for you, or fat, but mashed taters are "natural and low fat and good for you. Or bowl of cherries... .  or a whole watermelon. 

But... Most of them did not get MO eating veggies, potatoes and fruits ...I've been there. 

I went through the McDonalds' drive through the other day (don't worry I was just getting an unsweetened iced tea for 99 cents) and the woman handing it to me motioned to a woman in the parking lot in her van eating the fast food. The lady in the window said " she comes here everyday and orders 4 meals and eats it all in the parking lot."  The woman in the van was clearly MO and the lady in the window spoke with disgust, not sympathy.  I was so upset. I practically cried (and I am really not a crier) for this woman who is being judged so harshly and I'm sure she knows it and can sense it when she goes through the drive thru.  

I think my empathy and compassion has increased throughout this journey because I see just how amazing I can feel and have now experienced both sides. I wasn't obese my whole life so I had many years as a normal adult sized person, but this experience of losing control of my body and then gaining it back has given me new perspective. I wish everyone had the means and the motivation to take this journey. 

This weekend was am eye opener for me with my family.   They are all sitting around the table saying they are working on eating better,  but better to them ends up being beans, frit, salad drenched in dressing,  sandwiches with thick slices of bread, cereal and biscuits and gravy in the morning, etc.  Plus low fat ice cream with tons of sugar.   They thought I was in the wrong eating egg and cheese and meat and not eating the fruit by the pound.  When I tried to explain carbs and protein and that fat is good and eggs aren't the devil they said I was going to end up fatter than I am now eating like that.   :/

As for being compassionate, I am a bit jaded.   I've been in a lot of bad situations and had to fight (sometimes physically) for respect and to stop bullying.   I've been around the lazy, the fat, the addicted (to all things), the liars.   No matter what your plight it didn't cause me to be compassionate unless it was not you're fault.   If you had any hand in it though I looked at it as a "you made your own bed" situation.   This goes for all things.   Including being overweight.   And that went for my situation too.  Sure heredity made it easier for me to gain, and I'm not thin boned, but I didn't have to eat all the crap I did.  I'm weak and I chose wls to have the tool to help me get through those weak times. 

Your coworker maybe is so cruel to help her stay strong on her path.   Her disgust in them is her mirrored disgust in whatshe was once and it keeps her humble.   I'm not saying it's right but if she is not seeing a therapist this might be her only coping mechanism. 

I try not to be a judgmental asshole about stuff, not only weight. 

I think people who are judgmental about morbidly obese people, whether or not they have had WLS, are reacting out of fear.  Fear that it could be them or will be them.  

When I see someone who is MO I think two things.  "There but for the grace..." and how much pain they must be in, physically and mentally.

I have many people in my family and extended family who are MO.  They all know I have had surgery and they are all welcome to ask about it or not.  When we socialize I don't pay any attention to what they are eating.  It's not my business and I really don't care.

My sons best friend has been MO all his life.  He looks to be over 500 lbs now.  My heart breaks for him and the pain he lives in.  He is in his 30's, lives with his parents and has never had a job or girlfriend.  He knows I had surgery and has asked about it but found his insurance won't pay so he gave up the idea.  I am so sad for him and I hope that he finds a way to pursue it in another way.  He is a sweet guy but so unhappy.

The only time I brought up the subject of WLS to my family is to my son for his wife.  Not because she is MO but because she is infertile due to PCOS and I have seen a lot of women with PCOS go on to have babies after surgery.  I would never bring it up to my daughter in law but I did mention it to my son in case they ever wanted to go that direction, to know there was another option for them.

I have a friend having infertility issues. She needs to lose well over 100 pounds. If she does not get pregnant and exhausts all options, I am going to bring up the subject with her.

I wish I had had surgery 5 years earlier.  I am certain my son wouldn't be an only child, then.