A coworker of mine had WLS about two years ago.  She lost to her goal weight, and has more-or-less maintained (my assessment, we don't talk numbers).  Now that I've also had WLS, I'm noticing that she can be mean spirited and judgmental about other overweight folks.  (e.g., "She could lose weight easily if she just stopped stuffing her face nonstop.  You know she binges in private or she wouldn't look like that.") I want to cut her a break because she is also going through some tough personal challenges unrelated to weight loss and maintenance and so perhaps she's just lashing out as a coping mechanism.  She used to seem so damn compassionate.   

That got me to thinking: Have you noticed any change in your attitude towards others around you struggling with weight loss now that you've got the added tool of WLS?

I'm more compassionate now to the obese, post wls vs. My indifference previously. My indifference was due to the attitude I held towards my own weight... Don't acknowledge it and it won't be so. But reality was there was always a struggle in my head about my weight, despite not wanting to acknowledge it. So now when I see obese people, I'm compassionate since I *think* I know the battle going on in their head.

Good question and if I'm honest with myself I find myself thinking most seriously overweight people now strike me as someone I would not approach readily.  I don't know why but can more clearly understand how I was perceived by others in my morbidly obese days.  I guess you could describe it as being invisible.  Sometimes I can still think of myself as invisible - can do almost anything because no one is looking at me.  It might have to do with my age as well...late '50's so there's that cloak of invisibility.

I do have to stop myself from telling overweight people, who I have some sort of familiarity, about WLS.  I would think by now most people are aware of that course of action but have chosen it is not for them. I catch myself feeling sympathy for overweight people which is also a judgement.- I think they just don't realize how much difficulity they are putting their bodies through.  Then I am greatful I've made the choices I have and put the work into my weightloss journey but also reminded how easily I could slide back - don't want to go there again.

I have met people who have known about WLS but THOUGHT it was out of reach for them.  They erroneously believed that insurance would NOT cover it.  Some people I have met were NOT aware that Medicaid and Medicare (at least in Massachusetts) cover WLS.  My family and friends of course, know I've lost my weight (one hundred pounds) BUT are not aware of how I obtained the weight loss.  When questioned I just say I met with my doctor and followed the diet he gave me and I attend support groups that his practice offers for his patients who are also on their weight loss journey.  If someone tells me they are struggling to lose weight, I ask if they would ever consider other means to lose the weight.  When I'm asked to elaborate, I tell them that SOME people consider WLS and have been successful in losing their weight and then maintaining it.  IF and ONLY IF they show some REAL interest in WLS do I reveal my own journey through WLS.

Wow, that is interesting how your co-worker seems to be so mean.  As you said maybe it's all the personal stuff she is going through.  

Great ?  

I am 10 years out and when I look back the one thing I wanted to do was get everyone on the WLS band wagon.  You know, sing it from the roof tops and wanted to go up to everyone and say hey this is what I did to lose weight and it will work for you too.  But..... as I stepped back I realized it doesn't matter, it only works when "we" are ready.  It didn't matter who I said what to, they have to be at the right place to do it.  LOL I guess its like when you hear people find Jesus and then want to go out and save everyone LOL

I could never be mean or mean spirited understanding what pain we live with as an obese person.

I don't find myself either more or less compassionate towards overweight/obese people in general. I feel empathetic, a more I feel your pain, totally understand how hard it is to feel energetic, or I know how hard it is getting up & down the stairs, know how hard it is to feel comfortable in my own skin, how I can feel big & bold & a total badass one day, & feel a total wimpy, wimp, wimp the next.

If anything, I try to be more sympathetic & compassionate. I'm not in their head, for all I know they want wls but can't afford it, or they're on another diet because mentally they're not ready for wls. I look at obese or S.M.O people & remember I was there too & I could easily end up back there if not for my tool & attitude, cuz my tool alone will not get me to where I want to be & it can't keep me there either.

Yes-I advocate HARDER for them.  I really wish society wasn't so judgey. For example, some think you need to be thin and fit to actually GO to the gym. 

Why would people feel that way?

My boss recently (like at my last review) noted that I seemed more happy and together work wise (I assure you I am not). He contributed it to my marriage (ok...my husband DOES organize me a bit).  This week I was picked to introduce the new hires to the place.  I have worked at this job for 7 years now. Why am I being picked for panel discussions NOW when I am thin than just a year or two ago. I dont think I have become any more smart or capable in the past two years.

Anyway, I wish people would start to see the MO and encourage them towards their dreams and just give them a chance (at anything) just like they do the thin and/or normal sized.

In general, I don't think I feel any differently than I did when I was SMO, but...

My tolerance for excuses (not just about weight, but about anything) has always been low (I was raised by a Marine...) and I have noticed that I am even less tolerant of that now.  So, in terms of people who are overweight -- and it doesn't matter whether they are 30 pounds overweight or 300 pounds overweight... It is just a matter of how much more ridiculous the statements are for the latter -- it makes me crazy to listen to someone talk about how "if it weren't for my low thyroid, I would be thin", or how "I really don't eat more than I should" (which, for someone who is 25 pounds overweight might be true, but sure as hell isn't true for someone 250 pounds overweight!) 

I understand denial.  I understand using food to cope with trauma (BTDT) or to fill an emotional need.  I understand how difficult and how painful it can be to admit to yourself that you are the one creating the problem and that you are unable to control what (or how much) you eat... but, seriously... If you are taking thyroid meds and your levels are therapeutic, your thyroid is not the reason you are fat.  It was also not the reason that *I* was fat.  If you are 100+ pounds overweight, you ARE eating too much or are eating crap.  Yes, you might have a medical condition that contributes to a tendency to be overweight, but you are STILL eating too many calories and carbs.

Lora

I notice how sad most morbidly obese people look. I can see the sadness in their eyes and it makes me sad for them. I honestly want to go up to them and talk to them about surgery, but I don't. It is one of the reasons I am so open with my surgery. I want anyone who is thinking about surgery to feel like they can come to me and talk about it. I have met many friends and friends of friends for coffee to talk to them about it.

Like Lora, the people who make excuses drive me crazy. I have no sympathy for them- especially those who have already had weight loss surgery and refuse to do what they are supposed to do.

I want to give those people a hug. They simply do not know how good life could be.