My point is that I never let myself feel before. I always hid my emotions and so others made smart aleck comments about me, my hubby, and kids. Now I am seeing things clearly instead of running away from it.

And are you finding that holding on to anger for 1.5 years is a good thing for you?  For me, that definitely wouldn't be a good thing and it would be something I'd be talking with my therapist with to figure out how to release.  

Replacing toxic people with anger, for me, wouldn't actually be a positive change - it would just be switching one bad thing for another.  Experiencing emotions is great, and I'm certainly a fan of them, but I'm definitely not a fan of anger and resentment.  

I also have a toxic family. I went to see them back east, I live in California, about 2 years ago. I was very nervous to go, but I wanted to meet my new nephew. It was the worst experience of my life. I was assaulted by a cousin, my brother, and my step-father. I have been through tons of therapy, but I have cut my entire family out. It's too painful to have contact with any of them, including my mother. I was the baby of the family and treated horribly my whole life. Do I HATE them? Oh yes. But the anger and resentment keeps them out of my life. Does it eat at me? Nope. I've never been happier, more content, more at peace, and more secure in my whole life. Letting go of people that are abusive freed me from trying to get approval that no matter what I did, I would never get. Just because you share blood or history with someone, doesn't mean you have to endure abuse, in whatever form it may be given, even mental and emotional abuse. Just my story. Good luck.

Congratulations on your weight loss.  But I'm concerned about the hatred, anger and resentment you're carrying around with you.  I think it's good that you're recognizing these emotions, but you might want to consider therapy in order to process through them in a healthy way.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned" - Buddha

I also suggest you get a good therapist and work towards a healthy relationhsip with your family -- even if that means that you are no longer active in each other's lives.

You seem very angry -- destructively so.

Also -- you are the one who has changed the dynamic by choosing to make physical changes.  That is not to say that you need to work towards being in relationship --- but perhaps doing the work to acknowledge the reasons you accepted them as is for so long.

You may need to forgive for your self --- and also forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated badly.

Generally people treat us the way we let them --- trust me, I am the middle of 9 kids -- I get the drill of a large family and lots of dysfunction.

What I had to figure out -- through therapy -- was that I was done with the drama, but I was not done being a sister or an Aunt or a sister-in-law ---- and that cutting people out of my life had more negative impact on myself and my other relationships than it had on them.

I deleted my in laws fom my life including my satan channeling mother in law. Told DH I would never see them again. About a year later, he followed my example. Now none of those ppl are in our lives and we are 100% better for it. 

I also broke ties with one of my sisters after she abused our dad who was dying of lung cancer. Don't miss her either.

He he. Satan channeling mother in law...funny!! Thanks for the laugh!

As told to me by my Pastor-some families have psychosis.  Things go well when everyone plays along. Those members that play along the best are often the most liked by everyone playing along.

However, if you are a member that ISNT playing along and is stating "this is not right. This isnt cool"  expect the wrath of most family members (because who wants to be told that their social/familial dynamic is unhealthy). Especially expect it from the ring leader.

My family is a bit warped and I have often felt like I never fit in and have wondered "what did I do wrong" ?  Why dont I fit in with these guys? It has been this way since I was about 7.

So I moved away and lived my dreams.  I have had guilt about that too (yep...living your best possible life is apparently something to feel guilty about) since I am usually across the country from my family and especially my mom.

But according to this Pastor, it was "the smartest thing" I could have done.

We can pick our friends but we cant pick our family. 

It is healthy that you are standing up for yourself and it is unfortunate that they collectively decided the family psychosis is to treat you poorly.  

I predict in about a year or 4, they will start missing those family events you used to plan and will start reminiscing.

Love is acceptance, understanding and friendship. LOVE is not putting up with emotional or verbal abuse or permitting yourself to be used by your family members.

I think the message you are sending to your kids is fine, especially if it is couched as " I DO love Uncle ___. However, I am angry with him because of ____, which was a behavior that was rude and demeaning to me. "

The kid learns you can love someone, still be angry with them, and not be a doormat/punching bag for loved ones in two sentences.

Spot on! At my Dad's funeral I observed one of my brothers put down my hubby as hubby walked by. Later that night I called my brother and asked him why did he say that? At first he denied it and then he said it didn't mean anything and not to blow it out of proportion. And he asked me, "why are you doing this."  This really showed me that I never stood up for my hubby and kids when it came to my siblings. And my husband was the main one caring for both my mom and dad before they died. My siblings couldn't handle it and my parents loved my husband very much and chose to stay at our house! But when I confronted my sister and this 1 brother they both became angry and haven't talked to me since....oh well lol

No you're not crazy.  You're finding confidence and assertiveness for the first time and refuse to be a doormat any longer.  This is a pretty common revelation, too.  I say bravo - but your family prolly says you're crazy.