Bariatric Surgery Emotions

My first surgery and I hope the last one.

Bariatric surgery.

I preferred the Gastric Sleeve from other options of Bariatric for was the simpler one – better say was the one that I can understand how it works: They simply cut your stomach.

Later I found out that the Gastric Sleeve is the fastest-growing weight loss surgery option in North America and Asia.

Many people they have all sorts of different reasons to suffer from excess weight.

In my case I was slim all my life.

BUT

6 years ago I lost my job – I use to work hard.

After I turned back to school for a while. I took several courses and I was sitting in front of the computer most of the day.

Plus I had many misfortunes: I started a personal project that did not go well and cost me my social reputation, I lost my house and I lost all my money.  People that I trusted and I thought for them to be my best friends they turn out just blood sucking vampires.

After all the above mentioned I was about 30 kilos heavier  (about 66 pounds).

My entire body changed and I started having many Medical problems:

1. Sleeping apnoea.
2. The smell of my sweat became insupportable.
3. My clothes were not fitting me anymore.
4. I had hard time to find clothes to fit me.
5. High blood pressure.
6. High cholesterol.
7. And finally Diabetes Type B

I tried several diets with no result.   Finally I was convinced that my extra weight was a Medical problem and I went to the Doctor.   Then they sent me to the Bariatric Clinic in Montreal.  It is true that inside the Bariatric Department I met people that were having many more problems than I had.

I agreed to have the operation after they told me that this was the only option available for me.

And I was in the waiting list for about 2 years.

Meanwhile I did experience some strange feelings.  I mean feelings within myself and also feelings from the way the others treating you if you are overweight.  I was expecting ironic and insulting words and glances.  And they did exist.  But I was ready for this behaviour, so did not harm me.  However the most interesting was that I felt many people to flirt me. Boys and girls. For this I was not prepared. Especially because I am a middle aged man now. 

Maybe because with my big belly I was looking like a “Bear Man”.  Or maybe because I was feeling fat and ugly I was “radiating” vulnerability and people just wanted to take advantage of a susceptible man.  

I have also another theory: the human been always has prototypes and reacts accordingly.  There is the classic tale of the “Beauty and the Beast”.  I guess many people – males and females - want to play “beauty”.  That is why they are flirting with a fat hairy man – flirting with a “Beast”.

I never took advantage of this unexpected flirtatious atmosphere that my extra weight created around me. Bear-Man is not my style, is not my self. I am just a poor cultural guy educated in Rome and Athens.  And I do not like to play “Beast”.

But anyway I have to admit that been an overweight big hairy man was quite an experience.

And finally came the day of the operation.

So many controversial feelings inside me that is hard to describe.

I was accusing myself for failing to loose weight with natural ways and finally I was obliged to “cut” a part of my body.

I was accusing myself for not accepting the many amorous invitations while I was fat.

I was accusing myself for non-accepting my “new self” as a fat man. We have to accept the passing of the years and the changings in our body.  Seemed to me that with this operation I was fighting with time and I was fighting to become young again – so, I was fighting for the impossible.

But I was fighting for my health and anyway was too late to go back.

The images of the hospital were so strange. The Lashine Hospital from outside looks just miserable. But by inside the chirurgical department is modern and rather nice.  First they sent me behind a curtain to undress. After they gave me a hospital-nightshirt and ask me to lie down on a bed near a window. From the window I could see a large park with big green trees. In my eyes at the moment that park seemed as if a magical forest.  And after they rolled my bed in the operation room.  Funny feeling: I was lying bare-naked on a rolling bed with many people in uniform and many lights and computer screens all around me.  The entire scene made me feel as a hero of a Science-Fiction movie.  After I just woke up in a bed and my body was connected with many different cables. The Science-Fiction movie was going on.

And finally in my home dealing with the pain – inevitable symptom of an operation.

And dealing again with all these thoughts: I did well or not?

But now is done.

Hopefully I will loose my extra weight and I will die a slim man – so I will not need an extra large coffin.

Apart of my personal feelings and emotions I have to say that I am admiring the Canadian Health System that makes all these services available to every citizen.

I just wanted to share with someone all these emotions.

This is why I posted.

Thank you for reading.

Weight loss surgery brings out many emotions and you might even want to start a journal and keep track of all your feelings. Many of us journal our weight loss surgery feelings and changes during our weight loss. Good luck on your journey!