Just needing to vent a little!

Hi everyone!

I just needed to come and vent a little, and know I'm not the only one this happens to. 

 Short intro to me. My name is Melissa and I've been wanting weight loss surgery for almost ten years now. I finally have insurance and am starting the process to have the sleeve! I'm so excited! I've been heavy my whole life. The rest of my family is super tiny. For example I'm 5'6, 301lbs. My mom is 5'2 115lbs. I've always felt like a huge freak next to them. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling better about my future. Today my high spirits were crushed,

 I was actually out today with my mom, WALKING to a store nearby my house... When a complete stranger, sticks his head out the window, and yells *holy **** you are a fat pig* and the driver slows down enough so the yeller can get a good look at me, and me at him... I have been yelled at before from strangers, but him actually looking right into my eyes and being ok with his actions, just really hurt me. How can people be ok with doing such things? As a society we have come so far embracing different people, but sadly I don't think obesity will ever be included. I am a human being with feelings and thoughts. It's just not fair how we are viewed. Not to worry writing this has even helped me feel better. Tomorrow is a new day!

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Obviously this person is a complete idiot with zero class, so just try and remember not to take it personally because if it was another person walking they would have said something disrespectful anyway. It's their issue. I know it's hard not to internalize it, but you have to remember that it could have been anyone walking and this person would have been rude about something. 

I have had several similar experiences. One time a car load of young guys mooed at me. Or another time I went to get my eyebrows threaded and the lady who was threading them kept going on and on (loudly, in front of the whole salon) that i had a pretty face but I needed to lose weight so that someone will marry me. Talk about embarrassing and inappropriate.

i think the worst was in August when I was flying to California. I had the windo seat and you know the drill- I needed a seatbelt extender and the armrest had to stay up because I was a bit too wide. Well, when the middle seat passenger arrived and tried to put down the arm rest, I jokingly explained that I was like "all 3 Kardashians" and the armrest wasn't going to go down all the way. She didn't even look at me or acknowledge my existence. She quickly asked to be moved and took off. That moment, though she said nothing, Said so much to me. I had never been treated like a piece of fat dirt until that moment. I will never forget it.

okay now that the negativity is out of the way, let's focus on where you are headed! *** that stupid driver who yelled at you. A year from now he will be cat calling you- which is also disgusting and disrespectful, but for the sake of feeling sassy and fun, just go with it. 

It will will be your time to shine and be healthy very soon. You have taken a step in the right direction. I had VSG on 2/17/15 and I already feel immensely better! I also am finding that people are treating me differently than they did when I was at my heaviest. 

Hang in there! 

Xo Sarah

Wow the lady on the plane sounds so ignorant. I flew to London back in 2001. I sat with a fmaily of three who were British. I was next to their little daughter so I did not encroach on her at all. They were so nice. I couldn't put my tray down when the food came and the wife saw and asked the husband who was closer to assist me. It was nice. On the way home the plane was pretty empty so I had a whole row but I got to talk to a nice British kid who was coming to America to ski. He had lost a lot of weight and chatted with me about how he did it. Maybe it is a rude American thing?

I have found North Americans to be a lot more polite about public fat shaming than some other places I've been.  

I've been mooed at and had insults thrown at me more times than I care to think about in England and Scotland.  Some of the offenders I believe were Italian tourists, but some were locals.

A pedicurist in Bali felt it was his life's work to tell me how unhealthy being overweight was (because, clearly I would not have heard that information before...and maybe he was a doctor moonlighting as a pedicurist, who am I to judge?)

And there was a LOT of comments and gestures made in Japan.  And one groping by a little old lady in a convenience store.  That I cannot be sure was about touching a fat person or just touching a foreigner.  Either way...she learned a lot more about me than I was prepared to share at the 7-11 that evening.  

I don't think I've every been assaulted in Sudbury, but maybe that's because if people were determined to yell us thin, they would lose their voices before they were done.  We are a city of...robust proportions.  I did get yelled at in Hamilton once during university.  But that was by a carload of drunk young guys who appeared determined to assault any woman they passed.   I'm sure the granny they passed after me also got a taste of their wit and charm.  I hope she flipped them off.  

Wow that sounds horrible. My former boss who is now retired is not huge but not small. She went to Nepal and told me her and the friend she was with got stared and pointed at everywhere. Not because they were American but because they weighed 200 some odd pounds. I guess it depends on the culture. From what I have seen Britian is getting as bad as America with the overweight population.

Thank you for your amazing reply! And for sharing your past experiences with me. I've had a very similar salon experience! It was super embarrassing and your flight must have been a long one. Some people!!! Today was probably one of those days I won't forget for a long time. But you are totally right, I'm sure he wasn't only disrespectful to me today. I know it was silly to let that get to me. Haha the cat call thing, yes disgusting but made me laugh. Grats on your VSG! I read your post about having some pain, hope that gets resolved very soon. Take care! and please update us when you find out what's going on.

*hugs*
Melissa

Melissa - some people are just rude and stupid -- and you can't fix those traits.  I know you're hurting - but don't let that jerk get in your head.  He will always be like that, and many people will feel the pain of his words.  You have to believe in Karma.  His day will come.  

Now, the important stuff.  CONGRATULATIONS on being able to proceed with surgery at long last!     I had a similar experience.  I had just started the process when my insurance changed -- had to wait several years too.  Your life is going to improve 1,000%.  When do you anticipate surgery?  For most people, the process takes about six months -- there are days when it will seem like forever, but believe me, you'll be busy with appointments and meetings.  You will be well prepared when your date arrives.  In the meantime, keep reading the forums here; read, read and read some more.

Keep the faith!!  

I've had similar experiences, and believe me, I'm really happy that Ace Hardware doesn't stock Stinger Missiles, because I would buy them out.

Just go ahead and do what you need to do for you.

It's been said by a number of different people that the last acceptable prejudice in America is prejudice against overweight people.  It certainly seems true.  I would bet we all have experienced stuff like this before.  Maybe someday it will change, but I doubt it.

It's hard, but don't let this douche get to you too much.  Not only have you started the process, but you're doing a good thing by getting exercise.  It's like the people who post fat-shaming pictures of people at the gym.  Why?  Someone is trying to get into shape, why do you feel the need to do this?

Don't let the idiots get you down.