Closet Eating

When I first met with the nutritionist, she asked me how long I have been a closet eater. She automatically assumed I fell into that category. I did not even realize what that was. I was thankful that I was not a closet eater…

Nine months later and less than two weeks post op, I am starting to understand why the term exists. I, fortunately or unfortunately, cannot relate to those pre-RNY, but I feel like I want to hide in the closet to eat, just so I won't be pestered constantly.

I understand that those who comment only have my best intentions, but aren’t I the one to decide when I am done? Please do not misunderstand…I am measuring out and not overeating, but I feel like I am on some giant pedestal for all to watch, comment, or lecture, if the feel I have had one bite too many.

When you take tiny bites with a big girl spoon, you take many of those bites, instead of taking two or three big girl bites. I try to be patient with everyone and point out things like this, but I feel like I have to defend myself for following instructions.

Before surgery, everyone commented to be careful I did not eat too much or I would gain weight and not it feels like the same cycle is continuing. I cannot say for certain these are not just emotions reeling from the surgery itself or if I am being impatient, but I wish I could be at peace when I sit down to enjoy what little food I do eat, instead of on the defense all the time.

Did/does anyone else feel like this? Did you do anything about it or did it just stop naturally? I am truly not sure where to go with this.

I think you need to set boundaries with people - tell them they make you feel uncomfortable and that you would appreciate their not talking bout XYZ ...

For starters, know that it's not always going to be this way.  There will come a day - a couple years out - when it won't be so obvious that you aren't eating like a "normal" person (a normal skinny person of course).  And your surgery will have faded from a lot of people's minds and the fact that you haven't regained will reassure them that you know what the hell you are doing :-)

For now, I would do as the other poster suggested:  set boundaries!  Tell anyone who comments on your food or your eating that it's not good manners to comment about how/why/how much other people are eating and that you want them to stop.  

You should be able to word this in a kind but firm way:  "You know what?  I was taught that it's extremely rude to make comments about what or how people choose to eat.  Please stop making comments about my choices.  It's not polite."  

I agree with Kim - you definitely need to set boundaries with people.  A good way to do this is to have a script.  When people ask you these intrusive questions or make these comments, respond with the script EVERY SINGLE TIME.  No deviation.  Eventually, people will get the hint.  Here are some sample scripts -- 

I'm not really interested in talking about how I eat - can you believe they killed off Rick on The Walking Dead last week?!  (They didn't actually kill Rick off, just in case this makes anyone panic.)  

Talking about how I eat is pretty boring - can you believe Kentucky lost after that winning streak?!

Thanks for your concern - do you think it's really going to get up to 80 degrees this weekend?

Etc.  

Thank you, everyone. These are good suggestion. I am starting today off with boundaries.

Thanks again.

I'm over 11 years out, and just a few days ago I had to tell my mom that I would not tolerate her trying to be the food police. Just be firm with people.

to add to the other possible responses..."are you going to eat ALLLLLL that?" Looking pointedly at their plate.

Wow, people are so rude!  It's no one's business what or how you eat.  

You've gotten some great advice.  I am blunt.  I'd probably say, "STFU -- and mind your own damn plate."

This too shall pass.  It's brand new to you and to those around you.  Everyone is definitely paying attention.  At 16 months out, no one will remember what you were like before the surgery, except for you.  This is such an incredible journey.  Find a "broken record" statement to play over and over again with those people.  I liked, "I'm sorry, are you the food police?"  Or you could be more polite and say something like, "I'm just following my doctor's instructions."

I had a Grandma that cut me down, made rude comments about how much food I was eating, from an early age of 10 years old up until a few years before she passed away...She would say mean things in front of everyone, regardless of where we were, such as a family picnic, Christmas dinner, reunion and etc.*  She would say loudly * My my are you really going to eat all of that?"  For many years I hated my own Grandma...All I wanted from her was the same love that she gave to the rest of the grand children...But that never happened...The day she passed away, I basically rejoiced saying * Yea the ***** is dead and I hope she is burning in hell *...Yes thats a very awful thing for me to think or say but after being rediculed, put down and not loved for many years, I had a lot of bitter thoughts about her...Finally after talking to the Pastor of my church recently, I was finally able to let go of those bitter feelings I had for her...I must say that I have forgiven her, but haven't forgotten...So with this being said, pleaseeeeeeeeeee  do not let anyone bully, put you down, or make unnecessary comments about what you eat...Perhaps tell them that you would appreciate it if they were to worry about their own plate, and to let you decide what you will eat as you are an adult and can make those decisions all on your own...Let them know that you appreciate their support but it needs to be in a respectful and non criticizing manner...I wish you well with this...Tammy