Possible new forum/group

With the backlash I've gotten regarding vegetarian/vegan after WLS suggestions for myself I'm thinking that sort of online group would not go over well here on OH.  But luckily I have found a support group in Phoenix through a surgical group practice that will welcome a non-traditional member to their group even if I don't go with their practice for my surgery.  I was surprised and pleased by that. 

Unfortunately I did block someone.  I really hesitated to do it because I don't like cutting out people who may have something of value to say, which seemed to be that case when she dealt with others, but not the case when she dealt with me.  That is my perception of the interaction.  Others may see it differently.  

Personally, I thrive in a positive re-enforcement atmosphere.  Others need tough love.  We all have different ways of playing in the world and I do my best to play nice with others until I'm treated poorly, by my standards. 

There are so many really great posters on here who share their knowledge and make their points really well.  Most do so with kindness and are cordial to others. 

There are hundreds of Facebook groups devoted to WLS. I'm sure there's one exactly like you're looking for.

Everyone has already said it. Here is my take. 

Everyone follows a different way, no two routes are identical. Vegan will be more different than most! But we still all have more in common than our differences. 

Small groups tend to build up to a small membership and then die. Because of this, only a limited number of views are expressed, exoerience shared. 

Support is not just agreeing or suggesting. It is also being told when others, from exoerience, know something is wrong. The worst thing people can say is " don't worry, it doesn't matter" about something which really does matter.

People express themselves in different ways. Some go all round the houses ("oh dear, quite understand, what a shame, but maybe not a good idea"). Others are blunt ("that was a stupid thing to do"). The latter is often harder to accept but more useful.

Dont burn your boats. Start your new group if you feel you must. But a much more sensible approach might be to stay here, read more than you post for a while, block people you find you really don't want to read (although you night ask yourself why you don't want to read them, if it is just that they think you are wrong, maybe don't block thrm until you have the experience to decide for yourself).

And one last thing. Remember the vets don't know it all. They don't pretend to. But what they do have is years of exoerience  years of reading on here, for many years of personal research. They don't, most of them, need to be here. They don't need to ask for help. They choose to come here to share experience. I am typical - I come here to share because when I was a newbie, others helped me. And because surgery changed my life and I want it to do that for others. 

KATE--what a most EXCELLENT response, my friend! I'm going to save it...share it...and MAYBE not even take CREDIT for it ..

I'm a long time veteran with a 12-step program and have sponsored a few people. The vets get as much out of a meeting as the newcomers, sometimes more, so I understand what you mean.  I know about setting things straight and how to be supportive.  I know how to share my experience, strength and hope. I know how to keep what I like and leave the rest.

The big difference between the rooms and online forums is the face to face interaction, the body language, and a lead.  A sense of solidarity and above all the safety of sharing. And the rules are clear as are the 12-steps.  

No one is ever discouraged from speaking if they feel moved to share, no one is told they need to observe before they can contribute.   This is my background and what I was expecting this kind of online forum to be.  My expectations were wrong.    

There's a lot to learn.  More people have been welcoming than have been negative.  I'll navigate my way through my weight loss journey.  Who knows, those who expect me to fail might just see me succeed beyond all expectations.   

apparently you were wrong. Not every experiexce is going to be what you we we"expecting" or what makes you comfortable. It would be so boring! That is what new experiences,groups forums are all about,learning growing and getting out of ones comfort zone. 

Itz you only do wha ou have always done,you are only ever going to do what you have a

ways done.

 There is nota thing the world wrong with listening ,learning how THIS group works

ks before jumping in with all four feet. 12  step type groups are totally different . they are COMPLETELY personal experience based. Why shouldn't you speak about your experience on day one?

wLS forums are different. Yes, there is a huge persona component but there salso. Fact based physician  driven science behind it,facts,if you will. That makes it different.

i sincerely think you will have this trouble wherever you go if you go in immediately try trying to mama ke an established forum what youN ren"experienced " with. They will feel ,as we do, that life was going on here before you graced us with your presence and life will surely go on if you remove your presence. 

You're absolutely right. 

I don't expect my presence or absence here will make a difference to anyone but me.  I'm perfectly OK with that.  I'm more than OK with that, I am peaceful with that.  I will work my program and others will work theirs.  That is how it should be.   

I didn't propose anything against the fact based science that is so entrenched for anyone else.  What I proposed for myself is apparently a new way of thinking and working with WLS as described by practicing weight loss surgeons for their patients.  That is how this whole mess started. 

I have 10 years of experience in a 12-step program as well.  I've also been a part of various internet forums/chat rooms for the last 15 years.  Internet forums never have been and never will be anything like a 12-step group.  This particular site is a whole lot more even-handed and welcoming than most.  

Have you ever heard that old 12-step saying that "expectations are the breeding ground for resentments"?    You set yourself up for disappointment and frustration with the expectation that this place was going to be like the 12-step rooms.  

Recovery programs are a wonderful tool, just like your surgery will be a tool.  Therapy is another tool.   This site is a completely different kind of tool but just as useful and necessary.  At least it is for me.   

Sign me up.