Surely I'm not the only one struggling when it comes to mental & emotional health and...

I am three years out.  I'd lost 172 pounds but slowly (and then not so slowly) I've gained more than 30 back.  When I was under 200, I KNEW I would never be 200 again! Then life got in the way and before I knew it I was 207.  I frantically cried out to anyone who would listen - my fellow WLS support group, my close WLS friends, the staff at my surgeon's office, several different counselors, etc.  Everyone was super kind but consistently I felt as though I was speaking a foreign language. 

The WLS surgeon's dietician said (literally) to just "eat less and move more". The WLS surgeon's behavioral specialist said I needed more help than the support group could provide (which might have been what I first said to her when I initiated the conversation!?!) but she didn't really have any counselors to refer me to other than the ones geared to getting the insurance approval paperwork pre-surgery.

One of the counselors I found said when she struggles she just puts on her exercise clothes and goes to the gym anyway.  Then if she doesn't want to be there she lets herself go home after five minutes on the treadmill.  OK? She also weighs maybe 100 pounds when wearing a camping gear and a parka so I'm not sure her motivators and mine are aligned exactly to begin with.  She also suggested I might look into Weigh****chers or Jenny Craig.

I get it.  I "look normal".  I no longer weigh 362 pounds so it's easier for "professionals" to think my eating issues are just your average, run of the mill eating issues (whatever that is?!).

But alas... You don't get to weigh 362 pounds with run of the mill eating issues.  My surgery was awesome - one of the best investments I've ever made in me.  I get it and I'm so very thankful for the tools it's provided me thus far.  But it's also just one piece of my path to success.  I am very successful in my career, my family, my marriage, my friendships, my community... so many areas. Yet in this area I am struggle and I'm terrified if I can't find help - real help - then before I know it I'll be back where I never thought I'd go again - heck I never thought I'd see 200 again.

I have been searching passionately trying to find suggestions and potential solutions. I came back here after a two year hiatus in hopes of finding some ideas. And yet even here the "Mental Health" forum is a ghost town. Two posts since December and no replies.

Is it because I really am "special" and my mental and emotional health "issues" are peculiarly unique?

Is it because no one is comfortable talking about this aspect yet so we all pretend like it's a problem someone else has, not us?

Is it because it's all a conspiracy to avoid solving the root problems so that the weight loss industry can continue to thrive? (hehehe I had to throw that last one in there for grins!)

In some weird way, I take comfort that Oprah still struggles even with her endless supply of experts and resources & she's a pretty smart cookie.  But nonetheless... I want to crack this nut and be on the winning side of it. 

Anyone else struggling in a similar way?

It's a CONSPIRACY!

LOL, ok no it's not, but plenty of people have probably felt the way you feel. I'm still less than a year out, but the struggles will probably always be there. I think psychology today is a good start to find a therapist, perhaps one that specializes in eating disorders. I think they're behavorial specialists. There's also a back on track forum & wls graduates forum to post to, you might get more responses there. Good Luck, you'll get thru this & congrats on an amazing weight loss!

Thanks so much!!

I am 6.5 years out. It is definitely a struggle, but every day I make good choices and do what I have to do to keep my weight and health in check. It's the promise I made to myself and my kids when I had surgery. No excuses. It is hard but it is what I signed up for. I know I am worth the effort.

I take things one day at a time. I know a 5 pound regain can easily snowball to 200 if I am not careful. That scares the crap out of me. Mentally I cannot go back so I fight this every day and will continue to do so forever.

Have you contacted your insurance to see what mental health services are available to you? Have you asked your PCP for names of counselors? Or friends? It does sound like you need a good therapist. I worked through my issues on my own but many people need someone to talk to. There is no shame in that.

Lots of people struggle. I suggest you stick around here for support. Those that take responsibility for themselves, make a plan, and stick to it most of the time are able to lose the weight again. Those that do not take responsibility seem to spiral out of control. The choice is yours. Good luck.

Thank you Laura in Texas!

I am not sure what are you expecting?  find someone who tell you what to do and how?  

if you deal with emotional issues- try to find a counselor - almost any can help you deal with that, or depression. if overeating if your problem - go to OA. or join WW..  if you hate exercise- find things you may like and try that for 4 weeks (yes - makes yourself go - do).. 

try to find out what works for you.. what works for one person may not work for anyone else.. 

I do and i don't... 

I put "my big girl panties on" and drag my sorry ass to yoga, or go for a walk... I chose steak and veggies, when I really want some fries and crab cake..   People think it is easy for me - when in fact it is not. but most of the time I make it look so easy... I developed (or maybe i had that all along?) severe allergies to dairy soy vanilla, etc etc... but that doesn't mean I don't want that cheese or bread... I want it as I did before I knew why I itched or lost my voice... but I make a choice not to eat that... because some of those food will also make me gain weight...

I adjusted my diet (you can't outrun bad diet), stopped *****ing and crying (poor me, why me? ) and started working on changing my way of thinking. 

yea - it is not easy - if it was - I would not need the WLS. 

I had some initial professional help (can't you find someone?) but last few years it is just me and my circle of friends...plus my doc (who told me that I gained too much weight and that I needed to lose 15 lbs- so in 3 months I lost 18). and my cute clothes size 6-10.. plus  plus plus..

finding good groups/forums on here and trying to come on here everyday - that is also my support. 

I found that with my physical condition (food allergies, and other things) my body works best on LCHF diet (low carbs - higher fat) so I found a very good group online that I joined and I get a lot of informations from+recipes.  The way I am eating really helps with my gut issues (bloating, pain, etc) so once i got on the plan - I suffer when I cheat.. - another reason not to. 

I tend to eat the same food over and over ..then I get bored.. and ...that is the time I want to reach for cookies or chocolate..or...but being a part of a few groups - there is always someone with a great idea for a dish that looks great and have a potential to taste good...

Short version of my story: I found what works for me..and I stick to it...no excuses... whatever it takes.. It took me a while.. and I also know that what works for me today - may not work in a week.. and I will be looking again..

maybe that's what they were trying to tell you: "One of the counselors I found said when she struggles she just puts on her exercise clothes and goes to the gym anyway.  Then if she doesn't want to be there she lets herself go home after five minutes on the treadmill. " 

I think that was a great advice.. and it should not matter if she is 100 lbs or 300 lbs.. you really don't know how hard she works to maintain the 100 lbs.  Some of my friends are skinny - but I see how hard they work to stay that way.. That part of your post rubbed me the wrong way - because you don't know another person struggles... At my age - at my size i get "you don't know how hard it is" line from some people I meet. I am not skinny, but size 8 is not fat.. - but some people assume it is natural... or that I keep that way because "you had WLS so it is easy for you to keep the weight off, I need to work on it..."  and so on. 

I don't like this reply.... your opening with "I am not sure what are you expecting?  find someone who tell you what to do and how?" was pretty condescending.   People come here to ask questions and hopefully get others in the same situation to give us advice.   It's wrong to reprimand her for doing exactly what she should be doing....asking for help.     

Before needing WLS, I had lost all of my excess weight myself by doing Atkins and exercising religiously.   I kept the weight off for over five years and for the life of me, could not remember how or why I got so overweight to begin with.   I swore I would never gain more than ten pounds back.   For many reasons, some external and some internal, I regained all my weight and more.   Some points in our lives we are stronger than others, and we may prioritize things differently at those moments.   (I had a baby with birth defects and spent numerous months in the NICU with him, and ate fast food every day because I was out of town).   Could I have chosen better food options?   YES.   Did I?   NO.   My mental state at the time was not at all worried about my weight, my health, my appearance, my career, my house, etc.   

You should not judge what someone else is going through, just because you are not going through it (yet).   You may one day find yourself struggling again....and heaven forbid want to reach out to your peers to get back on track.   I would hope that people would be supportive instead of judgmental.  

Interesting.  well so you don't like my response...yet yours to me is no better. Supper judgemental. 

How do you know i was not were she is? I am 7 years post op. 

I gained Close to 40 lbs s back. Then lost most of it by taking responsibility of my actions.  I deal with some other issues and crying does not help with that. Taking actions does.  Finding docs who can help had been my challenge.  Don't judge others unless you have been where they are.  

Good for you....but whether or not you gained or lost your weight back has no bearing on my comment.   You were quick to slap down the question that the poster asked, which makes others more nervous to ask questions!   If you want to advise someone to take action, great.   You want to suggest to "take responsibility".   Yes.   Absolutely.     But to comment the way you did to a person who is obviously going through something you don't understand was just out of line.  

Again...I was calling you out for being rude and judgmental.  Not for bad advice.  

what you don't realize is that I really was asking the OP what she really want and expect?  I don't know .. really don't... does she want sympathy? patting on the back "there there .. things will be fine?" or she needs detailed guidance what to do and how? "  i asked the question.. not sure why that affected you .. and why do you feel you need to defend the OP... doesn't she has her own voice?  after all - she is an adult who apparently manages her house and family and work.. I would think if she is she was offended - she would comment .. 

and why do you need to wag your finger at me?  do you need to be yet another forum nanny?  

Or maybe you don't defend the OP but yourself?  was my message hitting way too close home for your comfort? 

but I guess .. personal responsibility hit a nerve with you.. no? 

bless your heart.. good luck on your journey...

let it be..  smile and have a cookie ..  things will be fine..