Surely I'm not the only one struggling when it comes to mental & emotional health and...

I'm afraid to reach out for a therapist and worried about the out of pocket costs. So I self treat my stinking thinking.... i journal, I distract, I call my bull **** I tell my husband when I'm struggling and why....and I sleep. Sleep makes me stronger! i recite things like, "just because I can doesn't mean I should" or "I just have to make a good choice for like 2 minutes... I can do 2 minutes...." Or "it's just food, it will be there tomorrow " or "I am more powerful than hunger, hunger just comes and goes" i start everyday with a plan and support my lifestyle for that plan. I like expensive treats, quest bars and my calcium chews take the sweet edge off but I'm mindful of the cost and that keeps me in line. I drink a ton of water and non caloric beverages and I always have them with me. i know I have to exercise. It get my mind prepared for the day. I roll out of bed and hit the street running in 10 minutes or less....no time to think about it. Just go. i love the previous poster discussing cravings! So true! Giving in to one craving makes me crave most **** So I'm smarter and stronger if I don't give in at all. lots of truth in the saying, same life smaller size, WLS doesn't fix much if anything at all.

And I come here and remind self what I do by sharing it with others.

Fascinated to read all the responses.  I know it's not a conversation that many are comfortable with and I know many people think they "know" the answers.  Heck... how often do we in society tell someone who's depressed to "just cheer up and think happy thoughts and it will all be better" when definitive science tells us that approach may work for some (most) but many require a more complex to regular the chemicals in their brains.

Our culture is much better these days but there is still too much residual stereotyping when it comes to even depression.  I had an otherwise successful coworker last year who was going through a tremendous mental health crisis - his boss' approach? Threaten to fire him.  If that same coworker came in and said he had an illness that was more "comfortable", (heart disease, MS, the "c" word, you name it...) then it's highly likely there would have been a call throughout the company to share their PTO with this poor guy.  But because it was a mental health "thing"... Well... you know. Suck it up buttercup, go watch a happy movie, think some happy thoughts and cheer up... or get out.

Getting back to my eating related mental health challenges... I can respect that people who aren't (haven't) had these similar struggles will find it hard, if not impossible, to understand. If simply "eat less & move more" works for four out of five, then that "one" must just not really being trying hard enough, right? They must be ignorant or just plain lazy, right? So while it is frustrating that so many in that 4 out of 5 group don't get it... I will continue to work to respect their perspective and file it accordingly.

I know at the core of my being I am missing a piece of the puzzle.  I'm not lazy.  I'm not a whiner looking to pass the buck. I am not "without wisdom". I am a strong, courageous woman who has a fabulous story. I am focused and determined with a tremendous amount of successes under my belt. I AM someone who is struggling but I am NOT defined by this struggle and I will not acquiesce to those who desire to minimize it. 

Thank you for your comments - both those posted here and those sent to me privately!

***Just because everyone thinks you're wrong doesn't mean you're not right.***

Hi. I am 7 years out as well and have been shocked to be gaining 25# and not finding my groove. Then I remember what I was doing 7 years ago...After WLS walking 2-3 miles a day, going to Curves 3 days a week and right now...not one bit of exercise. It is so frustrating but so me to be lamenting but doing nothing because...hey its cold...worse winter ever...or no time...I am back on this Web site because this is the other thing I used to do. Post and read other stories and breathe in the supporting atmosphere of never ever being alone with my fears. So...iI am with you...we all are...whatever you need...A {hug} or a kick in the butt...but you gave to tell us. And to do that you have to reach inward, shut up the food noises and find out what you are trying to fill up. You've got this...We've got you.

I'm sorry for your sadness and frustration. I had surgery in 2002, starting at 280, only got down to 169,  froze there in spite of all I tried and eventually rose to 235, eating very little and throwing up when I was not careful.   I was very disappointed, and finally last September I decided to try a high fat/low carb diet and am slowly losing - 25 loss in 6 months, but at least I'm losing.   I see now how common it is for WLS patients to regain.   The ones that don't are usually those who ate huge amounts and now cannot.   I never stuffed myself, so cutting back just slowed me down more. My new way of eating provides me with energy and I'm hopeful that by my 67th birthday I can be at my goal of 170 and stay there.

Hi Cathey, 

Your post made me come back to OH. I saw the beginning of it in my email and the first few words were words that I could write. So then I came here and read the rest of what you wrote. 

Your story almost mirrors mine. Except I've had more regain. Funny... in the beginning I wanted to gain back about 10-15 lbs. I was looking kind of sick. Those 10-15 came back remarkably quick. Then others followed. Then medication that didn't help. Then stress... more than normal stress. Loneliness, feeling like a failure, guilt - it all seeped in and attributed a bit to the weight gain. 

I don't live near family or friends. I don't have a support system here. My surgery was in another state and I did try a local support group but it just wasn't helpful.

I do see a counselor and she is what I need at this moment to help me work out other issues. The loneliness, stress, frustration, loss, etc. However, she is not good with emotional eating. 

I recently experienced a loss that spiraled me into a depression which in turn led me to abandon the support I could have received from FB friends who would understand. 

It seemed like one thing after another just piled on. 

But. This is a big but. Even a bit bigger than mine has now grown to. I have to do this. I have to stop this cycle before I end up where I was when I started. I get that it's up to me. I understand that only I can make myself do it. It's the starting. The actual doing that I have a problem with. 

I am an intelligent person. I know what needs to be done. It just feels at times that there is a block between knowing and doing. I know I'm the one that put that block there. Not intentionally, but it comes from me as I am the only one that is truly responsible for myself. As each of us are. 

I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Not at all. That's why there are so many regain groups on FB. I don't have answers for you. I don't have my own answers yet. However, I am looking now. 

I'm going to attend a meeting of a group called TOPS next week to see if that will help. If not, then I'll look at something else. 

I think when I was looking at the overall picture I was overwhelmed, didn't know where to start, felt helpless, angry with myself and then spiraled even more out of control. I felt like a failure because a couple of people told me that if it's what I really wanted then I would just do it. If it were truly that easy then there would never be WLS. We would all "just do it".

So, for me anyway, I think the answer is to not try to change everything at once. I do need some kind of support. I'm looking for it but I don't plan on waiting for it to start. I've picked three things to concentrate on. Three things isn't too much. It's not overwhelming, it's doable. Three changes. Then when those three become a habit I will add more. Even though it may feel like it, the weight didn't come back overnight. I'm not going to lose it overnight. 

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone out here. I get it. Everything that you've said. Including the part about Oprah. lol I think there are far more of us out here that relate to what you've said. 

I wish I had a magic answer for you. Or a magic reset button. Don't have either unfortunately. What I do have though is my support to offer. If you ever need to vent, or to talk your way out of a bad choice - feel free to reach out to me. 

Personally, I feel that you've taken the first step just by posting and sharing your concerns. 

Oh and dang it. My profile pic is from 3 years ago. I have tried to change it and haven't been able to! grrr :) 

Nice post tee lee.

I love this!!!  Thank you tee_lee!!!

Great post cathey. I've been having many of the same thoughts. Thanks to those who have responded with a variety of constructive suggestions.

We all struggle. Every single person does-not just WLS people.  Some people are very private and suffer in silence and you and I choose to come here when things are too much.  I can look at the thin lady driving the brand new Mercedes down the road to her million dollar home in the hills and think she has it all.  Chances are she too has had her struggles.  When I was busy naval gazing, people around me were hurting too but I could only see my problems.  

This is what I would do:  Find a therapist, find a group of friends, and deal with whatever made me fat in the first place. I got some kind of reward when I overate, I am human-if I didn't get that reward, I  wouldn't have over eaten. It hits that pleasure center in my brain. It doesn't matter what I choose to self medicate with, until I deal with why I am doing it nothing changes.  

I'm looking in to some Cognitive Behavior Therapy because I liked it when it was used in other areas of my life.  That is something personal though, in the sense of what works because what works for one may not work for everyone.  

You are right, the surgery is just a tool. It only works when combined with working on the thinking part of the issue that made us gain weight in the first place.  Our mind and body are connected!  I have to treat both of them.

Now you know what I would do, at 5'8" and 155lbs and 12.5 years out.