Just A warning i wished i received before i lost my mother in law

I know you are in pain and feeling a lot of guilt and I am so sorry!  I was 62 when I finally was able to have my surgery.  My family was so against it!!!  They were scared of losing me....but the truth is they were going to lose me if I didn't have the surgery.  I told my family over and over....if something was to go wrong....I didn't want them to carry any guilt....this was something I wanted and I needed for me and there was nothing for them to feel guilty about.  I know you can't see it right now...but your MIL had made up her mind and was determinded to have the surgery......none of you should carry any guilt.  I truly believe you do not die until it is your time......Carry your MIL's memories not guilt for her.....Love her and go on with your life and live it to the fullest.

I have not been on this site for years!  I had my surgery in 1987 and with many complications.  Finally everything settled down and I have maintained a loss of 65-70% of the weight I needed to loose.  Does not a simple "I am so sorry for your loss" suffice? why so defensive?

Rejoice in your success but always remember the less fortunate, the ones  who did not live to tell their stories.       carolinelady

I'm not sure what you are reading as so "defensive" in her response.  I saw nothing even remotely defensive.  All I saw was encouragement for the original poster to try to move past the details of the cir****tances of the death and focus on the happier memories!

Lora