Advice for supporting daughter

Hi, my daughter is beginning the journey to prepare for this life changing event and improve her quality of life.  I am very proud of her and want to do all I can to support her.  Please give honest advice on how I can support her best through all of the different phases and challenges.  Also, can someone please outline the steps leading up to the surgery she will go through for approval.  Thank you so much and I am so glad there are groups like this she and I can seek advice from.  I admire you all. :)

This is very sweet :)  

My mom has been super for me through my own WLS process and obesity recovery.  The main thing she does is just to be really supportive of me.  She asks great questions about my new lifestyle which involves a lot of running and yoga.  She makes me feel like she's paying attention to how my life has changed.  She knows what I eat and has talked with me regarding things like, "should I offer you dessert when you're eating with us even though I know you'll say no?"  

And she cheers me on.  She tells me I'm looking great.  She is really enthusiastic when I send her pictures of myself in great new clothes.  She just makes me feel like I'm doing a really wonderful thing.  :)  

For me, that's the best way to be supportive.  Listen, ask good questions, learn about her new lifestyle, and let her know that you love her a lot and are proud of her.  

Oh.. but don't introduce her to people as, "this is my daughter, she's lost 100 pounds in the last year!!!"  Since no matter how proud of her you are, that's really freaking embarrassing ;)

Hi, thanks for all of that great advice!  Sounds like you are doing very well.  That's encouraging.  I will pay special attention to the introduction piece.  I can see how that would be embarrassing even though us moms love to tell others about our kids achievements.  I might not have thought about that.  Thanks again!

I convinced my mom that she should brag on me when I'm not physically present.  Otherwise it's just awkward for everyone :D  People don't know how to react, I'm uncomfortable being bragged about, etc.  I know she's totally proud of me but... yeah, there need to be some boundaries :)

Awesome. My Mum is my biggest supporter too. 

The process is a little different for everyone... different Dr's require different tests, requirements some based on their program, some on the patients personal health issues, some insurance required, some based on which type of weight loss surgery she is having (there are a few.) Her surgeon may have an orientation maybe you could go with... extra ears helps as it's a lot of info.

Just a few things that come to mind...

Remember everyone is different... my sis and I had the same surgery (RNY) but we didn't lose the same amount of weight or at the same rate, we can't eat the same things... she has issues with foods I have no problem with and vice versa..., etc... so try not to compare and discourage her from comparing anyone's journey to hers.

Try to avoid asking her every time you see her how much have you lost? Sometimes the answer is nothing and that maybe be for several weeks when the scale is stalled (normal and happens many times) so the last thing you want to be is reminded of it.

There is no right amount of weight loss a day or a week. We are all unique snowflakes ;) Message boards are great for making friends and getting support but they also can make you worried if you aren't losing as much as your friend or eating more or less, remember... snowflakes ;) 

Try never to use the phrase "are you sure you can eat that?" Trust that she knows are has read what her Dr has provided her on the stages of her post-op diet... don't become a member of the food police. If she eats something she shouldn't she will live and learn. 

If she lives with you or visits helping by having healthy WLS friendly choices would be great... she has to learn to live in the "real world" and still make healthy choices despite what others may be choosing to do, of course, but it's nice to NOT have to be challenged at home so considering her in menu planning... you are welcome to glance at my blog (link in signature line) or my pinterest page www.pinterest.com/eggface for holiday, party foods and every day meals. 

Walking is important so if she needs or wants a walking partner and you are physically able I say that is a great way to support.

At first though as she phases into solid food again (usually a 8 week-ish process, again varies) she will have some hits and misses and some miserable days, some days when she may have buyers remorse, cry, wish she never had the surgery, big time blues... it's normal and though at the time it seemed like it won't get better it does for most of us in a few weeks or so and within a few months if you asked most of us if we'd do it all again... we would in a nano-second. This is a big emotional rollercoaster physically and emotionally. If she has someone to chat with therapist, support group that is great. Personally I think the head stuff is the hardest part... harder than the food and exercise. 

Hope those help a bit. I am excited for her. She is lucky to have such support. 

Best wishes,

~Michelle "Shelly"