Tough Love and dying......

OK here goes.....and it's going to be a rough ride......you were warned.

I'm a nurse in Cardiac ICU

I watch people die almost every day.....and die in agony, some slowly, some with full knowledge of their impending death. Some from self inflicted body abuse......

Families are torn apar****ching this horrible process. Sometimes dragging out for weeks while watching their loved ones organs fail piece by piece. Tubes in EVERY opening, body swelling the turns the patient into a visual nightmare,,,,,,

I have been on this site a short time compared to many......

Everyday I see post about people eating around their surgery, complaining about self inflicted ailments, jokes about losing no matter how badly they eat, pre op diets gone bad, not following the surgeons plan, vitamin nightmares and countless post of regain.....I get it.

You don't really want to be in my ICU beds.......or the morgue cart......but you will.

Its like playing Chicken at a 4-way stop.....some of us will live, or just exist, and someone of us WILL DIE from playing with our bodies like it's a never ending game......it does end, and it ends UGLY !

Please remember we only go around this life once.....make it count....live well.....your worth it......

Need to hear every now and again. It's more than looking prettier, it's so I can bend my body to touch my nose to my knees so that my heart keeps tickin'. (When I am stretching, I measure my progress by how much closer I can get my legs to my face... too much middle still in the way. lol)

There have been so many posts lately where people are not following their surgeon's eating plans and making their own rules.  They're eating sandwiches and tacos at a week out (the justification is "I don't feel full' or "my family was eating it, so I had to"), or they "can't" drink enough water and feel like **** (but they will argue that they are not dehydrated).  Others are drinking with meals and wondering why they are always hungry. Some are not taking their vitamins faithfully (they forget, or the vitamins make them sick).  

Then the "hand-patters" get on the band wagon and condone the bad behavior by saying, "Everyone cheats", "Nobody is perfect",  "That's not going to hurt you".  I've heard it all.  If the vets try to set them straight (which is called SUPPORT in my book), the hand-patters cry "meanie".  I have seen post after post where the vets have given great advice and these folks think it's being mean?  They are usually newbies or pre-ops.  They haven't been on these boards long enough to actually know people who have died as a result of their non-compliance.  Personally, I would rather take advice from someone who has lived the WLS life for many years than from a newbie or pre-op.

What's sad is, most won't stick around this site long enough to learn what can happen if you don't follow the rules.  They will lose the weight and disappear.  They usually come back a few years later, complaining of vitamin deficiency, weight gain, or worse. The vets who have been reading and responding to people on this site year after year recognize them.  The vets were there when they were first on this site, excited about their journey.  The vets were here to ass kick when necessary and praise when appropriate.  The vets remain here to help people, not hurt them.  They want EVERYONE to succeed.  They have seen certain patterns through the years and when they try to stop the poster from going down the wrong path, they are vilified. 

Newbies:

Surgeons give you rules for a REASON.  You are NOT smarter than your surgeon.  Your surgeon has been doing this for years and knows what works.  You've gone to the extreme measure of having your guts rearranged in order to lose weight.  Why would you take a chance with your life just to eat a sandwich?   And when someone calls you out on this it is out of concern, not meanness.  Grow a thicker skin... this is a tough journey.

I do really appreciate the wisdom of folks who've been through surgery and are vets. However, I've noticed that the tone some folks take is just not very supportive. There are ways of expressing concern or sharing knowledge without being snotty about it. Please don't take this as another newbie not understanding how things work - I want to hear the bad and the good. I just think that a tone like that will drive people off and they won't seek advice at all. I've started wondering where I can find support that's honest without being cruel and I'm not sure I'm going to find that online.

apparently,it IS another newbie who doesn't understand how things work. If you did understand you would know that everybody has their own tone and It is not for you to say which tone should be used and which should not. 

If you can't find an Internet forum that makes you feel warm and cuddly,I would respectfully say,that it must be an issue with you,not the MILLION forums that are out there. 

There are some straight up bullies on this site. If that's what tough love involves then you're right, the issue is with me. I don't believe that being an asshole is supportive or helpful. So yup. I'll see if I can find one that's sane and supportive. 

>> There are some straight up bullies on this site. If that's what tough love involves then you're right, the issue is with me. I don't believe that being an asshole is supportive or helpful. So yup. I'll see if I can find one that's sane and supportive. 

Then simply block or ignore the people you don't like. A single meanie doesn't negate everybody else.