Conflicted with sharing WLS

I really just need to vent.  Those in my inner circle know I have had WLS.  Friends, family, coworkers, etc.  But I don't always reveal my surgery to those I don't see on a regular basis.  Today I took my pets to the vet and my vet was gushing on how great I look (which still makes me very uncomfortable) and asked me how I did it and I said mostly diet and exercise.  With others the topic is usually dropped but my vet was just so impressed she kept asking me more and more questions about whether i worked with a trainer, what it is I'm eating not eating, what am I doing for exercise.  The more she went on I just wanted to say I had WLS, but it didn't feel right after the conversation progressed so far.  I left feeling so deceitful!  It is still my personal business, but I feel like I made it look like I achieved this without the important tool of surgery and I feel like a liar!  How do you navigate this feeling when you choose not to reveal you had surgery, then wish you would have just led out of the gate with it?

You are exercising good boundaries by deciding with whom to share - or not share - your highly personal medical information.  When people I don't necessarily know well start giving me the third degree I just smile and say "It's a long story and we don't have the time to go into all those details"...and then I switch the focus back to them by asking a question about their life.  

Usually that shuts them up but if they come back with, "No but really, I want to know!"  I would try saying, "Honestly, I don't have the energy today to go into lots of details.  Maybe we can chat another time."

Really, truly there are people out there in the world that have absolutely NO business knowing your medical information.  I would no more tell my car mechanic - or vet - about my WLS than I would tell them about my hysterectory or my hemorrhoid issues.  

You need to practice putting these Nosey Nellies (however nice they are) in their place.  It's called "setting boundaries"  

I totally understand how you feel.  Some people I just dont care to share it with because its my business.  In this town I live in.... everyone usually knows what happened to me before I do haha.... I kind of have a secret weapon though....I walked in the office to have my first evaluation with the Dr.... to see if I wanted it,,,, well i did before I went in..... Anyway I walked in and there sat one of the locals.... the look on her face was priceless, it was like OH HELL...... IF THIS GETS OUT IM DEAD......so I sat down to do my paperwork and she leaned over and said... "Im not telling anyone about this....if you dont say anything about me i wont say anything about you"  I said OK....

But as far as people knowing....friends and family....most everyone else gets..... "I just had to start eating less.... cut down my portions and what I eat from now on... mostly meats and protiens, but im trying to excersize a little and drink lots of water to help not only flush my system, but it also flushes out the fat too"    So I try to get them on thinking of food and water and how it reacts to the body.  How much water to drink.  Tell them about the Quest Bars and Nectar Protien drinks...... and how 5-7 16 oz, bottles a day of water really help keep you hydrated, but also cleanse the system and make it work more efficiently.  Like how clogged Fuel injectors make your car run bad so you use injector cleaner, your body is running poorly so flu**** out with Water.   

I try to keep upbeat on the program of giving my body what it needs,,,, they are sucked into what Im doing rather than wanting to get out of me, What I did.  And it is true, nothing deceitful about telling them you cut down your portions, and you eat mostly protiens and you drink lots of water and you take a good Multivitamin and you workout...... All the keys of a successful Diet plan.....

Although, Im not going to lie to them....If they ask me point blank...I will tell them yes, thats why I cut down my portions,,,, but not everyone deserves to know just cause they are nosey.

I tell people if I think they can benefit from knowing.  I was just at dunkin donuts getting tea the other day and they girl behind the counter commented on my hair and how cute it was, I said thanks, she said she had to keep hers long because she felt it balanced out her weight, which lead me to say I did the same thing when I was bigger.  So we began talking about losing weight at which time I said I had wls 10 years ago and lost over half my weight, that I had a tummy tuck etc.  They were floored.  I shared because I didn't want to lie about how I lost weight and if someone can see a positive wls result and achieve it themself then it is worth my time and effort to tell my tale.

To me the only reason to not tell is if I planned on regaining weight and didn't want to be the talk of the town as the wls failure.  I never will allow that to happen, outing myself from day one has kept me on point.  Failure was not a option for me.  Think carefully about why you are afraid to tell people who have no real significance to your life, are you hedging your bets because you think you may fail later on and don't want them to talk?  Success or failure are your chose.

I'm the same way. I don't tell anyone. Nobody at my grad school knows or any of my closest friends. Just my parents, brother and grandparents. BUT I have an old friend who is extremely obese and I told her. I didn't preach, but I was honest with her and let her ask questions because she deserves to know that I didn't just suddenly learn to love mixed greens and the stair master. I also told a woman working Customs at the airport who commented on my old picture. She was overweight and hey, she asked. I never preach, but just say what I did, how much I lost and what it involved.

I agree with Tracy and Andy.  It is your personal business.  It may seem awkward because you're now setting boundaries for yourself. 

Besides my husband, sons and best friend, I didn't tell anyone pre-op.  I didn't want to hear about all the people they heard about that had died or other gloom/doom opinions.  It was a few months after my surgery that I told people on a need to know basis.  

I suggest telling anyone that you feel comfortable with them knowing on a need to know basis.  Your vet didn't need to know.

Hey Cathy.......

Yes I heard from the people close to me..not all of them...that I told..... Oh the horrible stories, and the people that have died and and and.....   My Inlaws just told me how I am ruining my life and I could die and over and over and over.....Guess what...Father in law is a Pastor..... They hate it that my Grandson had Cochlear Implants and can hear......"Oh they just ruined that babys life"   "Those Drs are just trying to kill him"  Well guess what....he can hear perfectly now and he is almost 4.  I was born deaf, my son was born deaf and now my grandson..... Guess what...we can all hear now.....
I found that now that I have lost weight..... Im down 153 pounds in 7 months..... all the people that made fun of me or kidded me about being fat, fat meaning weighing more than them, now make fun of me because Im skinny,,,, Skinny meaning weighing less than them...

IN LAWS FROM HELL SAID,,,,,, to my wife the other day, Oh my tell him to eat something he looks sick we are so scared...the Drs are just trying to kill him....I think thats there MOTTO.    Next time I see them Im going to say...."Where did that come from, I look good finally and now you pick a time to be concerned?  Where was that concern when I was 500 lbs and got down below 400 and was still fat? Where was that concern that Obesity was going to claim another victim,,,,,"  They are overweight so it makes them uncomfortable for someone else not to be I guess.

I went to see someone the other day that used to call me Sasquatch....... They said.... "OMG it looks like you just escaped from a Jewish Concentration Camp....Go eat Something!"

So like Willie H Said.... Haters gonna hate hate hate......Let them HATE,,,,,,cause i feel better than I have EVER..........and i Love it.......

I feel exactly the same way! Only my husband, my daughter and a close friend of my husband knows about me having WLS, even my own mother doesn't know. Everyone else thinks I had hernia repair (which I did, at the same time). I had/have no problem not telling people about my personal medical desicions, but my husband, on the other hand, had - he couldn't figure out how to justify a week of vacation he had to take after my surgery ! People ARE very nosey, but at the end of the day, it's none of their business. Take care!

YOu didn't lie you just told her  what YOU wanted her to know. Girl, I'm gonna do the same thing. Nobodies business. That's all. Do you everyday

Thanks all!  I left the office feeling so icky.  Your words have helped.  Mentally, this is all still so hard to navigate some days.  The weight has come off so fast that others are compelled to remark on my changing appearance, but being the focus of attention and discussing myself (both when I was heavy and now that I'm significantly less heavy) is SO hard for me.  I spent my life trying to blend into the background, to not draw attention to myself, to be invisible....that I feel so very exposed now.  I know this is part of the process and I'm working on the head stuff.  My body is just changing too fast for my mind to keep up.  Thanks again all for your perspectives.