How To Support Partner Having WLS

I don't say these things around him. I say supportive things, even if I'm screaming on the inside and telling myself that what I'm saying to him doesn't apply to me. I think people have value regardless of their size and it hurts me that he feels sad about himself because I think he's one of the most amazing people on the planet, and I don't understand why he would ever hate himself or his life. I don't hate others who choose the other path. I was talking about how weight loss makes me feel which is angry, sad, and like it'll never be enough. Given that I can't deal with losing weight, just like he can't deal with keeping it, I wanted to know how to still be able to support him. 

I loved myself when I was SMO. I was loving myself to death. Literally digging my own grave with my teeth. 

My decision to have WLS had nothing whatsoever to do with beauty or appearance. It was done for health. To save my life, and enjoy some quality of life.

You say your weight does not affect your quality of life, but it will. It's as certain as the turning of the earth. You will gradually accumulate health problems until they become comorbidities, and one day you will wake up and wonder why your life has been ruined. Don't worry, you will still be beautiful, and still have intrinsic value.

Thanks. I appreciate you sharing and being so honest with me. I like hearing about what things might feel like for my partner.  One day I will die. I may get sick along that way. I did not say that weight doesn't affect my life. I said it doesn't affect mine in the same negative ways that it seems to affect his.

I think you should watch My 600 pounds life. This can really happen to someone. I had WLS over a year ago and I feel better than I have. I did not do this to look better. Support your partner.

I do like the benefits of looking better. But being able to go out and sit in a booth being able to run around with my dogs. I hated myself because I felt horrible. Walking used to be such a chore. I would lie and say I don't feel good. Now I can walk the whole boardwalk.

Being obese does stop you from having a normal life. It does. We lie to ourselves that we are fine the way we are. We all stay in our comfort zone and never try new things because our weight gets in the way. I am not saying everyone should have WLS. But it saved my life.

Thanks. I will star****ching the show. And thank you for giving me insight into how you felt before the surgery. I want him to feel better. I like what you're saying about the comfort zone issue. I feel like I'm more outgoing now because I tend to be very take me or leave me at my current size. When I was smaller, I was really shy and I felt kind of exposed. I feel like my weight helps me feel safe, warm, inviting, and friendly. I feel protected with it, but obviously not everyone feels the same way. Your sharing helps me understand the other side of the issue. 

I just bought myself a safe warm inviting friendly SIZE FOUR sweater.......And I am celebrating the fact that today, in THIS moment nothing to fear.

Your weight may not be impacting you yet but it will.  Diabetes, sleep apnea, the toil on your joints will catch up with you.  

Instead of breaking up with him, use this as a way to become closer.  

Check out the WLS_Spouse forum.  

Thank you for the suggestion about the forum. I will check that out.

Your body, your call. Same applies to him. No different than if one of you got tattoos, pierced something, or had some sort of plastic surgery. If you can't live with your partner's choices, that is your problem.

Weight loss does not mean worthlessness. I had my surgery because I *do* love myself, so much so that I want my awesome self to stick around for a long time without having a stroke before I'm 40. For many of us, WLS has nothing to do with appearance, and suggesting it's because of self-hate borders on offensive.

First, I want to apologize being offensive. That was never my intention. For me, weight loss would be those things and trigger all those feelings in me. I know that because every time give in and attempt to lose weight, I always end up feeling really really down and angry. But that doesn't mean that it triggers those things in other people. I did not phrase my thoughts very well, and I"m sorry about that. I guess what I meant was given my emotional aversion to weight loss related stuff, what can I do to try to support someone who wants and needs to take that journey?