Telling kids

I'm brand new here....my burning question at the moment is how to talk to children, particularly daughters, about your WLS? I have 2 daughters, 8 & 6 and the 8 y.o is already showing some body image issues and some poor eating habits.  I am on pre-op diet and she just asked me if I'm on the "Mommy Diet". When I told her yes, she said she wants to go on a diet too, to lose her 'belly'. So what to tell her while protecting her fragile self esteem and not setting a standard  (i.e. WLS) for her to follow?

Hi! I have 8&3 yr old daughters. I didn't tell my oldest about my surgery. She knows I had surgery but not what it was etc. from beginning we have just told her we want our family to be healthy. And we are all doing it together so she and her sister do it as adults too. She's good with that. She likes to ask how healthy our meal is or how this "dessert" is better tasting because it's healty too etc. so that's my advice I would talk to her not about her body image or any "diet" I would just say ok if you want to eat healthy we can do that. If everyone is doing it she will see changes and hopefully feel better :-) or she could also just want to be like mommy and do what you're doing. Just make that fun and informative, about health not that mommy doesn't like her weight or body etc. just you want to be the best mommy you can be and being healthy is how to do that. Hope this helps ! Goodluck 

I completely understand your dilemma.  My daughter turns 6 next week, and I had a really hard time with deciding how to address this situation.  There's plenty of external pressure for body image, and I didn't want to add to it.  At the same time, I want her to be more aware and place more of an importance on health than I ever did as a kid.  Ultimately, this is what we decided to do:

First, I told her the night before I went into the hospital that I had to have an operation.  I told her that my belly wasn't working right, and that's why it was so big.  I told her that having a cute little belly like hers was good, but having a really big belly like mine wasn't good.  I said the doctors were going to fix it so my belly would get smaller.  

Then, after the surgery, we told her we were all going to eat healthier.  So she knows that at each meal, she is to eat good protein, and also eat fruits and vegetables.  She's not following a "diet" like we usually think of it, but it is a change compared to the junk we used to eat.  

Health is what we've emphasized, not weight.  She jumps on the scale everyday, because my wife and I do, but she doesn't even pay attention to the number.  I think this would really work for your 6 year old, and maybe even your 8 year old.  Our kids today get a lot of education in nutrition in school, so just focusing on eating healthier will connect with her.  

And of course, reassure her that she's beautiful.

My son was 11 when I had my DS, and I was very adamant not to worry him in the least, so I kept things very vague and lacking of detail.  I told him they were fixing something with my stomach and it was no big deal.  I said I'm going in on Monday and should be home in a few days.  I would be sore when I got home and expected him to help any way he could while I healed.  That was all I said.  I don't even remember if he asked if I was scared.  I was so casual about it all, like i was going to get a filling in a tooth.  For that, he had no anxiety at all.

I wouldn't let my husband bring him to the hospital, for I didn't want him to see me all weak and healpless.  I'm his rock and I didn't want to shatter that impression and scare him.  Hubs said I was just sleeping, so there was no need to make the "boring"  trip and he was okay with that.

When I got home, I had pictures and diagrams to show him everything they had done.  Of course he wanted to see the scar and thought it was all super-cool.  I was impressed at how much he pitched in around the house and with caring for himself and made note of it.  I think his self-esteem shot off from the whole encounter.

In hindsight - I wouldn't have done anything differently.  I count the entire experience for everyone to be just as I'd hoped.

I had a honest and age-appropriate discussion with my 7 year old son prior to surgery. As someone else mentioned, I emphasized health, and not weight. We also discussed how after surgery food choices in the house would be changing. He was excited that we would be eating more healthy, as he'd been learning about doing so in school. 

I'm glad I told him as he was more self-sufficient than usual and extra helpful around the house, which I really needed as my partner works away from home 3 weeks at a time. 

Since surgery he has also become my biggest cheerleader, which is the best. Nothing feels better than being proud of yourself and having the sweetest little boy tell you he's proud as well!!

Remember that this isn't about dieting, as those haven't worked for us in the past (at least not for me!) This is a lifestyle change.