Scared to pursue surgery

Hi all,

This is my first time visiting and posting.  I'm looking for recommendation of the best Bariatric surgeons in the NYC area. Preferably someone who ONLY does Bariatric and has a whole practice surrounding it.  If they take United Health Care, even better, but I'll figure that out.  I've spent most of my life very much against having this surgery, because I've thought of it as cheating.  Well, after several successful attempts at losing weight and the same number of unsuccessful attempts at keeping it off, coupled with increasingly worsening symptoms of metabolic syndrome, I now know that it is something I really have to consider if I want the rest of my life to be of decent quality and length.  I'm going to list some of my initial thoughts and I wonder if anyone who is already on the other side could address them?  Thank you!

- Worried that the reason I eat has nothing to do with being hungry and I'll still want to eat.

- Worried that I'll really miss eating as a way of dealing with my feelings and without it, I'll be lost and pretty messed up.

- Worried that my appearance will suffer in some ways, as even though I'll be thinner, my face will probably look older, and I'll have the look of someone who has obviously lost a lot of weight.

That's a good start.  If anyone has any insight on these, I'd appreciate it.

Welcome to OH

Do you know what surgery type you are interested in, or just starting your research?

I recommend a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. Most of us eat for reasons other than hunger, and recognizing those reasons really helps in maintenance. It is also a good idea if we are emotional eaters to learn other ways to deal with those emotions instead of stuffing them down or numbing them with food.

Our appearances do change. Most of us feel it is for the better, but excess skin happens and some of us look older in the face. Those things don't bother me, but talking with someone now is a much better plan than waiting until you have an issue then trying to scramble and find someone to talk with.

good luck

- Worried that the reason I eat has nothing to do with being hungry and I'll still want to eat. -

I guess most of us used not to eat because we were hungry. Surgery changes things. Depending on the surgery, you may be physically unable to eat much, you might react to certain foods. But you have to be ready to change how you eat. Surgery helps! But you go the work. 

Worried that I'll really miss eating as a way of dealing with my feelings and without it, I'll be lost and pretty messed up. -

This is something you need to be very aware of. If you eat fior comfort, for stress relief etc. you will have to learn other ways of coping.

Worried that my appearance will suffer in some ways, as even though I'll be thinner, my face will probably look older, and I'll have the look of someone who has obviously lost a lot of weight. 

Quite likely, especially if you are no longer young! But you say you want to do this for a good quality and length of life. Seems more important than looks!! And while I might not looked good naked my 64 year old body looks better in my size 12s than it ever did in my size 24s!

Many wls docs specialize in their field, so that should be easy.  Once you go through recovery, you'll realize that it's no "easy way out" ...however, IMO the "only way out".  Your feelings are your feelings, and you want to gain control of your reaction to those, or you may seek comfort in other unhealthy ways.  Many wls patients became alcoholics and addicts because they no longer got comfort from food. 

The skin thing is just a thing.  Know now you will not be bikini-ready by any stretch of the imagination.  You may decide that your imperfections are okay, you may get plastics - all up to you.  Just don't expect miracles.  I found that lycra undergarments a size larger than I am provide the perfect smoothing effect without me feeling like a sausage. 

I'm often accused to being 10 years younger than I am, so the looking old thing isn't a common expectation although it does occur for some.

Try checking with your insurance as to what surgeons are covered in the NYC area, they might have a site online where you can do your research. They might recommend that you go to a bariatric center of excellence. NYU is listed as such, but with Cigna, not sure if your ins lists them that way too. Their information about the surgeons, the practice etc is listed online. I went thru them for my surgery.

I also highly recommend that you add a therapist to your Obesity Recovery Team.  Mine has been invaluable for me throughout this process and gives me a strong belief that I'll learn the skills I need to actually maintain when I reach my goal.  And I WILL reach my goal.  

Wow, you have a lot on your plate, oh I shouldn't have said that, sorry what I mean is you don't know why ur eating, what good will wls do if you don't change the behavior. YOu will have the same results with a wls. doesn't make sense. Go to therapy first and I mean this in the most sincere way, you need to talk over some issue b4 u even think about having surgery. Not being mean, being honest and if you really stop and think about it, you will agree with me. Get help first. This is not a game or magic wand, it takes, work, diet, discipline, exercise and self love. Best wishes, praying for you

I know why I eat and I have been seeing a therapist for a long time. Knowing why you eat doesn't stop you from wanting to do it. 

ok, be well, we are all in/on this journey together, let's stay supportive, I'm in no position to judge anyone lest I be judged. I pray everything goes well for you.