Losing Friends?

Almost everyone that I know in real life has lost at least one friend after surgery. Am I surrounded by a bunch of co-incidences, or is this a common thing? Has this happened to anyone? Is it a jealousy thing? Thanks 

I may be the exception, but I have not lost any friends since my WLS.

I had my surgery at age 50, though, so maybe it is adage thing.

My friends and family have been overwhelmingly supportive and loving.

At this stage of life, with a full time job, lots of hobbies and a loving husband, I don't have much time for petty jealousy and would not engage with anyone who could not be supportive.

Well said! 

I'm glad to hear that it hasn't happened to you! Thanks for you input!

I didn't actually lose friends when I had my first surgery (I'm having a revision soon), but several friends and family members had some trouble adjusting to my new look. They subtly tried sabotaging my continuing weight loss. My husband started bringing candy home, my exercise buddy cancelled our exercise dates repeatedly, then had snacks for when we were done with our workout. I'm not sure if they were fully conscious of what they were doing. It is hard when we are comfortable with our roles in relationships, and then our role changes. When I go from being the fat friend to the healthy eating friend who no longer has to order clothes online, it can make others feel insecure. My friends could count on me to order fried food, or dessert before my surgery. Now the responsibility for eating healthy fell on them.  I really hope you don't lose any friends. Not everyone does. If someone leaves you, it isn't your fault. They have an issue with themselves, not with you.

That sounds very similar to when I went vegetarian for a while. It seemed like everyone was out to sabotage me. Almost like they assumed that I thought that I was better than them for not eating meat. That's a good reminder though: they have an issue with themselves, not me. Thanks!!

I would just stick to my core friends.  Anyone who would un-friend you because you chose to save your life or have a life, was never your friend to begin with.

It's a major lifestyle change that affects pretty much every aspect of your life. Marriages, friendships, family relationships are affected. Lots of things at play I think...

Maybe we gain a little more confidence or assertiveness as we lose weight and deal with the issues that caused our weight gain. Sometimes we realize we accepted things we shouldn't have and now feel more confident to say "screw off."

It's an emotional roller-coaster. As we lose weight, hormones released from fat cells may make us moody. Body image issues. The demons (why's of why we gained) get a spotlight because weight can no longer be blamed for crap in our lives.

Perhaps some fear of the status quo changing... you see that when anything new happens (jobs, new houses, weight loss, marriages) Leveling... it's a crappy part of human nature... "Oh you are having THAT surgery I had a friend who had it and gained all the weight back" "Oh you had that surgery but you won't be able to eat (insert crappy food) anymore." 

We might not want to do the same stuff anymore so "eating buddies" need to find a new connection. You may want to be more active than people in your life. 

Some post-ops "find WLS Jesus" and want to save the world from fat... LOL don't be this person. 

We change, so they change. Not a bad thing... you know that old saying, "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Losing a friend... leaves a space for someone new.

I can't imagine myself becoming a "WLS Jesus" lol. I've never been good at forcing my lifestyle on others, heh. But you definitely struck a chord with the eating buddies thing. Most of my closest friends, including my best friend, are heavy and always have been, much like myself. Amidst our busy lives, the one thing that brings us together are typically food (and alcohol) based gatherings. At the risk of sounding like a highschool freshman, I'm worried that I am not going to fit in anymore. What's more worrisome is that my best friend has always been more insecure than me all around. I know that sometimes my self confidence makes her jealous. She is supportive of me now, and I don't want to foreshadow too much, but I can almost see our relationship crumbling. I am hoping that doesn't happen. All these physical and mental, and emotional changes and losing someone who has been a constant in my life for 20 years scares me. But, I do believe in fate and my ability to get through anything, so I will just have to take it as it comes if it does. Thanks so much for your input and for listening to me ramble!

Sidenote: I did a little Squee! When I saw it was you that responded, because I have been reading your blog and pinning your recipes for quite some time now! 

Aww well thanks and I hope you enjoy anything you try from the blog.

I think it's good you are thinking about this. It is MAJOR change. It's nice to have emotional support from loved ones & friends but you know sometimes its even better from forums like this... not as close and understand what it's really like. 

If you want to preserve your friendship I'd make sure you make a real effort to spend time with them that has nothing about you, surgery, etc. some quality you and her time... a coffee date, nails something that WLS shouldn't be a factor and then you know talk about other things... not to avoid WLS it'll be part of who you are but make sure the conversation isn't monopolized with WLS or your health heavy... even if they are the ones that initiate the topic... answer and move on to something you can both relate too. Be aware of parties and group events where people will be complimenting you on your weight loss with her standing right next to you. LOL and yeah don't ever be WLSJesus and try and save people (or comment on their behaviors or choices.) Some friendships are worth taking the extra effort... some ehh maybe its time everyone moved on. 

Friending you now... keep in touch and let me know how it goes with her. Hope it's a happy resolve for both of you. I'm mostly on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/TheWorldAccordingtoEggface 

Best to you in your weight loss and healthy new life!!

~Michelle "Shelly"