kids & surgery

My sleeve is this Thur

My 1st grade son was weeping at school today & wrote in his journal that he was sad about me. His teacher is also a dear friend of mine & know about what is going on. She recommended I keep him home for a special day tomorrow. And for the grandparent to keep him home on surgery day & dote on him. I'm so thankful.

I took him on a special outing today after school we went to the mall & petted puppies & sat in massage chairs & walked holding hands & talking selfies. Tomorrow we are going to snuggle with books & movies before I take him & my teenager to my parents for a few days.

We have told him that I am having surgery to make my tummy problems better. I showed him one of those short animation videos that explains the procedure.

The teenager seems to be fine, but will likely show his emotions in some other way like eye rolling but I'm really hoping he can be  supportive to my younger son and they have have fond memories of their time sharing a room at grandpa's house

Any parenting tips during this time?

What is he sad about, specifically?  Is he sad that you will be in the hospital for a couple days?  If that's it, planning special stuff for him to do while you're in the hospital is a great idea.  Also, let him know you'll be calling him from the hospital to talk to him.

If he's sad because he is worried something will go wrong during surgery, explain that your surgeon has done bunches of these operations and is really good at it and that the nurses are really good at it, etc.

Talk about fun stuff you will be able to do after your tummy problems are better, like go on amusement park rides or play with him more or whatever.

Let him talk about his feelings.  Don't tell him not to be sad or whatever.  But reassure him.

First, good luck to you!

Second, it sounds like you've already done the necessary things to prepare him. He may not be 100% at ease about it yet but I bet he's feeling a lot better after you explained the procedure.

Third, I think it's wonderful that you took the time today to spend with him, and I think it's a great idea to keep him busy.  Good job, mama! 

How did he react to the videos you shared with him?  

My daughter is in kindergarten, so close to the same age.  I explained it almost the same way:  my belly didn't work right, so the doctors were going to fix it.  I explained to her that it was too big, and I needed help getting it smaller.  I was worried about how she would handle it, but she was fine.  One thing that really helped her was that we Facetimed every night before bed.  That way, she could still see and talk to me every day.  Maybe you could do this, or Skype, or something like that so he can still see you?

I feel for the little guy, but it sounds like you're doing everything really well to help him prepare.  Hopefully once he's with grandpa it will be a fun experience, and it won't be that big of a deal that you're gone for a few days.  

I think most teens would act just like you're expecting:  acting kind of off, but not necessarily in a major way.  Maybe you could have whoever is with you at the hospital call the school and give him a message when you're out of surgery and everything is all right?  That would be really reassuring to him, especially if he knows your having surgery in the morning and he doesn't have to wait all day to hear how you are doing.  (Actually, this could help your little guy too, if someone at his school can just tell him when the operation is done and Mommy is just fine!)

It sounds like you have a tender hearted boy, and like you are a sweet, tender hearted mom.  Because of your kindness and mindfulness, I am sure all will work out, because you seem like you will respond to his concerns as they develop with empathy and insight.  He is sure to have other questions and concerns in the next months as well.

I have 4 children ages 10-20.  We just messaged it to them matter-of-factly.  I had a hysterectomy last year, so I think as far as worries go, they were like, "same old, same old."  They have all been supportive in their way. Mostly they have just been curious in a clinical way, asking questions along the way.  Usually things like, "when can you eat normally again?"  That question especially from my 16 year old son, who is unusually active and athletic, and has to eat a lot to fuel himself.  Also questions about the actual surgical changes, etc.

My 10 year old did say, "I don't want you to lose weight, because I like it now how when I hug you,  are soft and squishy."  :-)

I am specifically drawn to this subject as I have a 1st grader too! He is the air that I breath. When I was preparing for surgery I explained to him (many times we talked) that mommy was having surgery to help her get skinny! I told him that I was doing this for me, for him and for my hubby (his father). I want to be around when he is older and grown, I want to see him graduate, get married and be a daddy himself. I explained that if I was skinnier that I would in turn be healthier and go to Cedar Point with him and ride all the rides! My parents kept him for my short hospital stay and my BFF took him to the zoo and he had fun with his friends and my mom and dad. To be totally honest I don't think he missed me at all!!! 

I am since down 80lbs from surgery,100lbs since my highest weight. I ask him if I look smaller and he says Yep you sure do mommy. Then I asked him if my butt looked smaller... he said oh no mommy your butt is still pretty big!!! Trust me it is!!

He truly was perfectly fine with the changes. My only advise is to keep him in the loop, obviously don't expect him to handle adult issues, but let him know what is going on. Mason wanted to sit on my lap (yes he is 6)and I explained that wasn't an option, that I was healing. Small things like that...

I truly wish you the very best!!!