after surgery blues

I had RNY June 2012

I weighed in at 292 and now weigh 162. I haven't been able to really get below this, and at only 5'4" it really feels still sooo overweight to ME. And, I also have horrible extra skin. I have about 8 inches hanging from each of my arms. And then my tummy and back, plus butt and thighs. ITS SOO GROSS. I hate the way I look. I know I should be feeling good, and happy about my weight loss, but at this point I am just not. Anyone experiencing this also. I know this is personal, but I don't even like having sex with my hubby anymore, because I am too grossed out about flapping skin everywhere. I am on the verge of tears everytime I see myself in the mirror. Still can't wear cute clothes cause of it, and def don't feel better about myself. Maybe I am just having a pity party over here, but I am just reaching out to see if anyone has experienced this as well :( 

Hi mollys I am pre-WLS but I wanted to let you know that I feel for you and I am sending you a GREAT BIG HUG!!!  I hope that you will feel better soon.  xo

Thank you!

Excess skin can be a real downer. I have enormous amounts. But there are only two ways to go.

One, if you can afford it, have surgery. 

Two, if you can't have surgery, you have no choice but to learn to live with it. Hard, I know, I woukd liove to wear sleeveless dresses and shorts. And without my excess skin round my middle, I would be at least one, if not two dress sizes smaller.  BUT

Dressed, I look good.

Only DH sees me undressed and he loves me - not just what I look like. My flaps don't bother him.

I am healthy

I can be active

Contrast that with my morbidiy obese, unhealthy, inactive self before. Look at photos of me then and now.

it's not easy. I really do know. But don't spoil this new healthy life by wanting still more! 

Your insurance may cover plastics for your stomach and breasts -- you could look into that.  It has to be for health reasons (rashes, etc.) and you have to have six months of documented treatment.  I have constant rashes/wet skin under by belly and breasts.  Will start seeing a doctor this summer, because my insurance makes you wait 18 months after surgery.  Of course, that's my insurer - yours mat be different.  

For the other parts of the body, besides toning the muscles, I think all you can do is wear shapewear.  They have nylon-type "tops" you can buy to wear under your shirts/blouses for your arms.  And Spanx for legs/thighs.  Etc.....  

Hope you can find a solution to your problem.

The first thing I will recommend is a therapist to help you with your negative body image. Most of us do have excess skin after losing massive weight. I'm not thrilled with my bingo wings, but they don't keep me from enjoying life. It sounds as if your excess skin and how you feel about it is really negatively impacting you.

Losing weight doesn't necessarily improve our self image. You seem to really have a poor one. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has WLS and looks perfect afterward. I think you may see yourself as much worse than what you are.

After you see a therapist, you can look into plastic surgery. I emphasize a therapist, though, because all the plastic surgery in the world will not help if at the core you dislike yourself. Human bodies are not the flawless, airbrushed perfection we see in media. I guarantee even the Victoria's Secret ladies have something they think is weird about their bodies. The main thing is not to let it stop you from enjoying your life.

good luck

I do have a horrible self image at this point, yes. And I don't want perfection. Its just that, many of the reasons, (not all and definitely not the most important ones) or maybe I should say motivations for losing weight were to be able to wear shorts and tanks in the summer, and feel confidence in my outward appearance. Those things I was so excited for, feel lost. Maybe a therapist would help. It certainly wouldn't hurt. All I am saying is that I think I had better confidence in myself at a higher weight than I do know. I thank God that I am healthier, and have the ability to exercise and do the things that I love now! Please don't get me wrong. I just hate looking like a 80 year old woman in the mirror. Most I can hide, but even the saggy neck skin is gross. I am definitely my worst critic. IDK. THank you all so much for your replies, though. I just guess I would like to know I am not alone, in this feeling.

I hope it did not come across that I was bagging on you; I really wasn't. I think we sometimes are disappointed in how we look.

It was a little different for me. I had more stretch marks than you could shake a stick at from pregnancy and years of obesity, and my obesity was killing me. Now, I look exactly what I am: a forty something woman who was SMO for years then lost massive weight. I have lots of jiggly bits.

I am concerned for you because you seem to feel so bad about your body.

Many years ago I saw some dumb talk show. Obese lady had WLS. They said she "tipped the scales" at her high weight. They said how much she lost. Everyone clapped. They showed her in a bikini. Everyone gasped. Then some surgeon offers her skin repair surgery & she cried.

For many years I thought - I'd rather be fat that have baggy skin.

But my health & increasing size changed my mind. I worry about the skin issues & I hope that if they are severe I can get it repaired.  

I know that I will need to have  a certain # of documented skin rashes/breakdowns. But with my insurance it also helps approval if you have documented emotional treatment.

Intimate relations are important. Good ones are based on communication & feeling secure & loved. Tell him what you are going through. And give yourself & your relationship a gift by taking a deep breath & enjoy the benefits of intimacy.