Question About Triggers

So, today, where I live, the weather is very cold outside.  Icy sidewalks, streets, etc.

My Mom is 73 and I worry about her.  I live about an hour and a half away from her so I called her this morning and there was no answer.  Then I waited 15 minutes or so and called again-no answer.  I am worried now.  Because of her arthritis she doesn't get out much, so I thought she fell or something bad happened on the ice.  I imagined her laying outside in the freezing cold with a broken hip, with no one around to help her.

So I called again-no answer.  She finally called me back about 15 min. later and I started to cry-I was so happy to hear her voice!!  Thank God!

*A little background about me:  I was the chubby little blonde girl where everyone said, "she will grow out of it, it's just baby fat".

My two older brothers were the success stories-college baseball scholarships, etc.  I have always felt like I got the short end of the stick in some ways.  I don't need any sympathy for that.  I have come a long way in  my life and feel very happy in my work and success in my family life.  But, growing up, I was the only kid left to watch my parent's marriage crumble, move from town to town with a single parent, transfer to three different high schools is 4 yrs., almost homeless,  if not for a relative,  my entire senior year in H.S.

It was tough for me, but in some ways it made me a stronger and a wiser person.  

Getting back to the story.  When I called my Mom and began to cry, she asked me what's wrong.  I told her I thought something happened to her.  Before I finished what I was going to say-she said (loudly), "I thought all this depression was over?!!"  "You just had this weight loss surgery and this didn't solve a thing!!"

I could only say these words as I was crying, "I thought something happened to you."  Well, she went on about that I have much bigger things to worry about than me.  Don't worry about me....and so on.

I hung up thinking-Is that the way she thinks of me?  Never a nice thing to say.  I never thought of myself as a depressed person.  I always am outside with my boys playing when we visit her.

I love my kids and my work.  I am baffled. Do you think I should ask her why she said that?

You all have always been so helpful with advice here and I truly appreciate it.  Another thing I noticed...after I realized what she said to me and it actually sunk in...I began eating.  It may have been a piece of soft cheese, then a cracker, then some jello-but, I am honestly not a snacky type person since my surgery.  I drink a lot of liquid which keeps me pretty dang full.

I had my RNY Dec. 12th last yr.  Do you think this is a trigger for me?  I am finally noticing some self awareness since beginning this journey, as far as my eating habits go.  Just wondering what your thoughts are on this subject.  Thanks again for all the help!!

becoming aware of your triggers is key in controlling them :) im an emotional eater. I never noticed before surgery how much I did this, now afterward and eating slower my mental health better etc I find that it's rare for me to want to emotionally eat but I also notice if I'm wanting a snack i stop and think why do I want this? Find a different outlet, mine is working out. It clears my mind and by the time I'm done I wan****er not food lol goodluck :-) 

oh and IMO let your mom be maybe? Atleast for now she probably is afraid of losing her independence and put it off on you. So wait until you're no longer upset to bring it up. 

Hormones?  Many of us went on an emotional roller-coaster ride post-op.

I probably would have worried about my Mom too - and bursting out crying with relief was not a bad thing because you had so many visions of what could have happened.  Hell, I cry at the drop of a hat.

Many of us are emotional eaters.  When I have a fight with dear SO, I have to keep myself away from the fridge because my "normal reaction" in the past was to stuff my face.  Some people track or journal their food, including not only when and what you ate, but also why you ate, ie: I was hungry, or it was lunchtime, or I was bored, or I was angry at so-and-so, or I was nervous about my mother, etc.  Recognizing patterns or triggers helps us to deal with them.

Some people may recommend therapy, and you might find it helpful.  But it sounds like you are aware of triggers and need to come up with a strategy like waiting 10 minutes before eating, or going for a walk, or reading, etc.

Good luck on your continuing journey.

Excellent advice-I am going to do that!!  Thank you so much

 Hey there!  Oh how our parents have a way of pushing our buttons.  It's very hard to "blow off" a parent--especially when they are getting older.  Her brain is already programmed to think a certain way--and you probably won't be able to change that--and it's ok.  My mom also triggers things in me.  If I could give one piece of advice--and this is a baby step--cut back on how often you speak with your mom.  I am not suggesting you switch from speaking with her every day down to once a month.  I just mean giving yourself "breaks".  If you are worried about her then maybe you can coordinate with your brothers and take turns calling her.  This simple change did a lot for me.  Every Sat/Sun I am tempted to call my mom.  But I stop myself (usually on Saturdays).  I have found she is a tiny bit more polite and appreciative when I call.

Are you seeing a therapist?  That might really help sort out all of this swirling ball of emotions you're dealing with when you interact with your mom!  I have a lot of... feelings too when it comes to my parents and my therapist is really helping me to sort through them.