The battle never ends :(

This was such a heartfelt, well thought out response.  Thank you so much. Great suggestions.

You're welcome.  I truly feel for you.  

There is some great advice in the replies.  I am going to use some of it myself.

I don't have much advice, but empathy for the challenges of helping our children to make healthy choices.  I have 4 children...1 college girl, and 3 boys at home at the dinner table...and their eating patterns/metabolisms are so different!  This is a challenge we face in our home.  

The 16 year old is a real athlete...he loves it...swim team, mountain bike team, distance bike races, triathlon training, rec basketball, regular skiing, and also plays active sports with friends just for fun 3-4 days/week!  He can hardly get enough activity to satisfy his love of it, and can hardly get enough food to fuel himself!!  We like to have him and his active friends feel happy in our home, and yet they totally crave carbs-- there is plenty of snack food at the the other friend homes--how do we entice these busy teen boys to enjoy our home without some of the stuff they inhale?

Our 12 year old is like an air fern.  We have no idea how he fuels himself.  Actually, he eats quite a bit of candy, in spite of our efforts to manage that...he just gets it at school, from friends, at church, etc..  It is everywhere, multiplying in his pockets.  He is a naturally skinny child.  He is also naturally delicate.  He is fairly active...soccer, tennis, neighborhood running around.  At  the table, and for snacks, we have trouble getting him to eat enough nutrients.  

Our 10 year old seems to following the path of the weight challenges I had as a small child.  Since age 4, he has cried to me about "how can I not be chubby?" We make such an effort not to label him.  still, our culture and other kids di**** out. He is active but his weight makes his self conscious and not as fast as the other kids, and a leg biomechanical problem also causes him some discomfort.  He tries to make healthy choices.  

Having all these boys at the same table, trying to meet their emotional and nutritional needs and appetites, trying to give consistent advice, trying to make things seem "fair" to them, trying to help them all feel good about their bodies, trying to help them learn long-term good habits (even the two trim boys could have issues down the road)....it is HARD!!  :-)

It IS so hard.  Thanks for letting me know I am not alone.