The battle never ends :(

Just as I'm getting healthy and making life changes, I get a call from my daughter's pediatrician.  Her fasting blood sugar was high, & she has high blood pressure.  She's only 13 for crying out loud.  The pedi wants her to see a dietician, which I will do of course.  It just seems like she's heading down the same path I've spent life fighting.  I love her so much and she's so good about making choices when I'm with her, but I travel a lot so she is with my parents (who have both had an RNY yet eat like sh*t).  I'm just so deflated right now and need somewhere to vent.  We just joined the Y so that's a step in the right direction but in my head I'm secretly thinking "diets don't work." I'm normally not a negative person and I *never* bring up her weight as I know what it's like to be obese my whole life.  I'm just depressed right now.  I don't need a lecture from a doctor or dietician about how much of a failure of a parent I am.  I'm not making excuses but I've been widowed for 10 years and it's so hard sometimes...thanks for letting me vent.

Sorry, there is nothing worse than when we are worried about our kids.  I have a 13 year old also.  She isn't heavy, but i bet she would be if we didn't keep her busy.  She loves her snacks, and we have "house rules" about snacking.  It's also a requirement that she be in a sport at all times.  Swim team from October - April, track in the spring, and camp and more swim team during the summer.  She gets to pick the sport.  The challenges you mention about traveling sound daunting.  Is she in any sport/activity?  Something that meets 3-5 times per week is what's needed.  Also sounds like a heart to heart with your parents is needed!  Good luck to you.  Parenting is hard...and there is no instruction manual.

Hugs...and i really feel bad for you... But maybe you need to start looking for a new job that will allow you to be home more.  I know it is not easy...and probably you love what you do now, but unless your parents are willing to change what they eat and feed your child - it may be up to you to change what is going on.  

On other hand - how about taking the parents to dietician so they can hear from others what damage they do to their granddaughter?  Theirhealth is their issue..but maybe they can change what they feed her? 

Aw, I'm sorry.  

Is there any chance that you can meet with the dietician first to talk before you go with your child?  That might help since the two of you can be on the same page and you can talk with the dietician about what you eating habits are like privately before talking in front of your daughter.  You could also then give the dietician information about how your parents eat when your daughter isn't there so the dietician might have time to formulate a better plan to handle eating there.  

You are all so wise. Thank you for your non-judgemental responses. I will definitely meet with the dietician first (great suggestion)! I will also bring my parents to reiterate the importance of healthful eating. I was feeling really down but I know with hard work and dedication and support of my family we can do this. Thank you.

you now know how to eat more healthy,so the times she is with you,make sure you both are eating the very best you can. The times she is with her grandparents is just a time you have to know she will not be eating as well,unless you can get them to the dietician with you and find out how much they are harming her health. Maybe they would be willing to make better choices while she is with them.

Similar to what Hollykim said - can you look at this as an opportunity to make a wholesale lifestyle change? I have an inkling even just getting rid of processed foods and going "whole" could help a lot here.

I know it feels like you are having to change the habits of a bunch of people but it'll be worth it in the end.

Laurie

I truly feel your pain. I have two toddlers.  Mom lives with me and watches and feeds them while I work.  As much as I beg her, she doesn't follow my rules for their diet.  They're both a little chunky, but mom swears they're not.  I wish I had useful advice.  All I can give is my support.  Please let us know how it works out.

Thank you so much for the support. :)

My husband's family is all thin.  I mean T-H-I-N -- like when I am at the family reunion you can definitely tell that I am not a blood relative.  There's not one fatty to connect with in the bunch -- and trust me, it isn't that they are morally superior either.  They all eat like crap.  It's just luck of a great metabolism.  Hey, they tend to be alcoholics though -- so we've all got our vices.  ANYHOW...

They think it's great fun to stuff my little boy with crap.  One time I picked him up and he had eaten 4 donuts for breakfast, a Kit-Kat bar and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread for lunch.  They don't get that he takes after me and will eat as much as you give him.  They think that I am crazy and that it's their right to "treat" him. 

I try very hard NOT to focus on weight.  Thankfully, my son is normal-weighted right now -- but I focus on health.  We talk about choices and food as a way to nourish ourselves.  I make him read packages and determine serving sizes.  He count out his serving to see what it looks like.  If we go out, we have a "one fried thing" rule.  So, if he orders nuggets then there is no ordering fries.  One fried thing.  He gets a salad or broccoli.  If he wants fries (which he never orders any more) -- then grilled chicken.  I try to get him to eat more slowly -- he's a stuffer.  We talk about how it's healthier to eat more slowly and really chew up one's food.  The focus is always on being healthy.

We have a YMCA membership.  He plays soccer two seasons a year but on the off-seasons he is allowed to pick one class a week at the Y.  I work out 3 to 5 nights a week.  He comes with me and works out in the kid's area.  We talk about how exercise makes our bodies healthier.  

I really want my son to avoid the pain of being obese.  BUT, I know there's a good chance that he may just become obese despite all our efforts.  I try never to focus on that because I don't want him to ever feel bad about himself, or that he has disappointed me.  There is no one on earth that I love my than my son -- and I know the pain of feeling less than simply because I am obese.

I realize that things are a lot different for you as your daughter is older -- but I can just tell by your compassionate responses that you love your daughter very much.  Thirteen is such a tender time for we women -- I sincerely hope that together you can work on helping her to be the healthiest she can be while feeling good about herself.  Good luck to you.