Post-Op Planning & Mom Duties

Hi OH Friends  :-)

I am concerned about what to expect post-op?  I need to set my expectations--otherwise I'm afraid I'll take-on too much, too soon and set myself up to fail.  So I'm trying to do a little bit of planning to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I am a recently divorced mother with full custody of three amazing kids (one high school kid, one middle school, and one 1st grader).  I also have pretty severe Fibromyalgia, and I am currently not able to work outside the home because of my condition.  (I'm hoping maybe that might change if I get some of this weight off my bones, thus increasing my energy level.)  The truth is, just getting through the days is challenging for me right now, but my Mama-love keeps me going.  I would do ANYTHING for my kids, even if I'm struggling and in pain.

I was wondering if you guys could give me an idea of how long I'll experience severe physical pain and/or limited mobility after surgery?  How long should I plan to have my kids stay with other family members?  When could I reasonable be expected to perform my normal "mom" duties again?  Are we talking a matter of days, weeks, or a month? 

Thanks for your help! 

Sashi_Kitty 

I wouldn't think you'd need to send the kids away at all.  The older two should be able to cook for the family while you're on liquids and they can carry laundry to the laundry room or lift other heavy things for the first many weeks.  (No heavy lifting for 6 weeks for me.)  The house might not be spotless, but they should be able to pick up after themselves.  And, all of them should be old enough to respect "hey, mom is healing right now, so I need to rest."  

Everyone recovers differently, of course, but aside from needing help to carry laundry due to the lifting restriction, I was pretty much back to normal after the first week.   

I am 3 weeks out and still not participating in many of the mom-duties. It also might make a difference in what surgery you have and everyone's recovery is different. I pulled an abdominal muscle 10days postop that put me in bed for a week.  Without my husband the kids couldn't have survived that. The kids I have at home are ages 9 and 3. 

Husband is fixing meals and relying on more quick frozen things for now. Nothing wrong with a few weeks of frozen pizzas, tv dinners, etc. Everyone helps keeping the house picked up, doing the necessary laundry and taking care of the pets. My 9 yr old has really stepped up and is helping take care of her little sis.

Transportaion? How do they get to and from school? That is definitely one to work out ahead of time. Because of my setback I was on meds that didn't allow me to drive, though I know others are driving one week out. 

Switch to paper plates, etc. If that eliminates one more thing from oldest's jobs. 

I don't see a problem having the kids stay with family if you have that much support, but I wouldn't want to have been alone for that first week. I missed those hospital bed rails that I used to get out of bed and get comfy.  So it was nice fo have hubby here to help me in and out.

Sorry if too long-winded. 

Plan on a couple of weeks before you are off pain meds and able to drive.  You'll have a lifting restriction for a couple of months, too.  It took me a good month or more before I started feeling like myself.  Your older kids can help with the regular chores, and with your delegation - even cook meals.  With your current state and pain, I suspect they are already accustomed to helping.  If not - don't underestimate them!  My 11yr old impressed the heck out of me, and he was so proud to be helping!

My doctor gave me 6 weeks of restrictions of lifting 10 pounds or less, and this seems to be common following surgery.  You should probably plan on 6 weeks before getting 100% back to "normal."  I feel for you trying to do this as a single mother, but at least your older kids are of the age where they should be able to really help out.  The toughest thing for me was not being able to pick up my kindergartener. 

I don't know how your condition will affect your post-op recovery, but you should be moving within hours after surgery.  They want us moving around as much as possible.  Most people seem to be off of pain meds within a week or two (although some amazing people are done a day or two after surgery!).

The major item you may need help for is driving. I wasn't allowed to drive until I was off of pain meds for a few days. For me, I was driving the beginning of my second week. Kids your age should be able to do any lifting and chores that you will be prevented from doing.

Begin prepping meals and put them in the freezer. Label them and make a schedule so there is no confusion as to what will be served. Even work in some crock pot meals if the gang wants something fresh.

I did send my 5 year old to the grandparents for 2 weeks. My husband worked during my recovery. There was no way I/we could do the 45 minute commute 1 way for his day care. Plus, he is a little clumsy and I feared he would accidentally hit my healing belly (which he did do within 5 minutes of bringing him back home, lol).

I think your kids will do great helping mom recover and keep the house running.

My only restriction, other than food, was lifting. If you do not need to lift heavy things at home I would recommend you get someone to come help you with chores  so you can get rest but no need to send them away at all. 

Hi there. I just had VSG on Monday! I was in the hospital until Wednesday. I did stock the family with easy prep meals. Even if I felt up to cooking, it's not so fun when I don't eat. ;)

I also have a few friends/family members bringing over meals this week and in to next. 

My kids are 13 and 11. They've been very helpful. They like helping mom out a bit. ;) Use your kids. Rely on some friends. I'm not in bad shape, but doing a lot of resting and healing so I'm no help right now. But we'll survive. 

Good luck!

As others said, lifting and driving will be the biggest challenges. I was lucky and was really up and around in a few days (though I did not have an underlying health problem like you do.) the beauty of this is that is planned elective surgery. I stocked up the freezer with meals, made sure the shopping, cleaning and laundry was done, lined up rides, etc. before surgery. 

Aside from that, I recommend two basic things:

1. Adjust your standards: let your kids buy school lunches, don't worry if the house is spotless or the kids watch a little extra tv.

2. This is the time for your kids to step up to the plate; Discuss this ahead of time. If they haven't really had household chores, this is a great time to start. Your older two can certainly help a lot, but even the little one can carry laundry up ad down the stairs, take the trash out and unload the dishwasher. At the end of the day, this turned out to be a good thing for everyone in my family. 

Good luck!

Thanks everyone--I really appreciate your feedback!

I was feeling pretty overwhelmed before, but since reading your comments, I'm starting to realize that I can handle this IF I plan ahead and set expectations with my kids in advance.  It won't necessarily be easy, but it sounds like it's do-able!  My long-term health is worth it!

:-)  Sashi_Kitty