Need help re: college daughter who has become obese

Where did I say "fat people are unlovable?" That's absurd.

"I'm also a realist and know that men do not get to know her because they're so turned off by HER body."

It really amounts to the same thing.  

That's absurd. I've been a therapist for over 25 years. I've seen it all and I can tell you what most men like and what devastates most women. Hint: they are connected.

Wow you must be a busy therapist? So there are roughly 3.5 billion men in this world and you know what most of them like. That must be time consuming talking to all of them. Or perhaps it is just the 138 million adult males in the US you have talked to know what they like? You as a therapist I would hope have some idea that we are all unique and one person can not know what all men are like.

The sexism in this comment is appalling and a perfect example of why I never went back to a therapist I tried out a number of years ago.  Just because you've been doing something for 25 years doesn't mean that you've been doing it right.  

Maybe you should focus less on your daughter and more on yourself, eh?  I mean, you have a sleeve that you don't even want to attempt to work with.  You're trying to figure out how to get a revision because you gained weight due to "reasons."  You've even asked for coaching on what to tell a surgeon so that you'll be able to talk him into a revision even though you haven't expressed any interest in making your sleeve work for you after your weight gain.  You've got a lot of your own things to deal with.  Heal thyself.  

I would tell her to take advantage of on campus Mental health help and work on her stress/binge eating. It's not going to get better

and could only get worse. At  some point she'll have to deal with this. It will help her work on her diet and daily intake, it will help her see where she can improve and get to the bottom of why she does it. There's medication available for OCD behaviors, if she has depression that's also treatable.A good therapist can help her now before her weight causes  health problems, later on down the road. She can take advantage of what's available to students to help her. If she has a good girlfriend she can use her as a sounding board. Hard as it is to be in college and dateless, it's  not the end of the world. As  a mom I know it hurts you but having her get some help now will save some heartache in the future. Binging and not admitting it is an eating disorder, again treatable but she has to go in. Best of luck to you both, I'm sure she'll be fine.

Jen RNY 2001

I'm a therapist. She has been in therapy for 3 years with someone who has been very good for her in some ways but has her own weight issues. My daughter will deny she binges, but she does and admitting it is the first step she will not take. I cannot control everything, **** none of us can control 1/2 of what we think we can ... :-(

Just because your daughter's therapist has "her own weight issues" doesn't mean that she cannot help your daughter with HER weight-related issues.  You should be well aware that no matter what the reason for the therapist's extra weight, it has nothing to do with your daughter's weight issues.  

If your daughter has gained 60 pounds in a relatively short period of time, there is almost certainly something emotional/psychological underlying the weight gain (and may also be contributing to her current sadness/loneliness).  Depending on what those issues are, she may not be giving you an accurate picture of how many friends she has at school or how socially active she is.  The weight cannot be successfully addressed until the underlying issue(s) are addressed, and if she refuses to admit to herself and her therapist that she binges (no matter what she tells you), she isn't ready to address that portion of it right now. She has to be ready.

Lora

edited for autocorrect...

Well if you had started with the info that she had gone off her ADD meds it would have been very helpful. Many if not all meds for that have a stimulant aspect to them which probably helped her keep her weight steady, going off that probably was the reason for her weight gain! Not to mention her loneliness or depression. Those are very strong drugs and you shouldn't just stop taking them. I would strongly urge her to restart them but like the others have said you can't change her life or decisions, mention it once and then leave it be. She knows what to do and will do it when she is ready until then just keep telling her how much you love her just the way she is.

I think that is why I had the good life I had and still have being fat because no one in my family acted like I was lesser for being fat. I was loved just like my skinny brother and sister were. We were all mom and dad's kids and nobody better ever mess with us for any reason! I was strong because I was loved unconditionally!