Need help re: college daughter who has become obese
I think you are projecting your own feelings of failure because of your own weight gain on to you daughter (you have been posting about your own struggles for a long time). You need to focus on you own health and let he take care of hers.
I agree with the others. She needs to find activities that interest he and not sit around her dorm room feeling sorry for herself. I was overweight in college but was out almost every night. I went to the library, was active in various campus groups, and hung out with my friends. I was never "lonely".
Laura in Texas
53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)
RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis
brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."
Thanks to everyone *****sponded. I feel that OH is a safe place to talk about all things size-related including the reality that most men especially young ones in college -- who are really more "guys" than "men" -- want what our culture has brainwashed them to want. And women have also internalized the same f***ed up cultural messages.
Highest 255 Surgery 248 Current 170
Goal: 150
It sounds like you're one of those women who has been brainwashed and internalized fat shame!
And we clearly have different realities - my hobbies have me interact with lots of college aged people and I have rarely felt undateable. Even now at the ancient age of "almost 40."
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
I think we have all internalized negative stuff if we've been at all conscious in this society! I don't know about our realities, but I'm with you 100% in the importance of being connected to all kinds of people. As for relationships, I've been married for over 30 years to a wonderful man who has loved me through thick and thin! Like all mothers, I want my daughter to be happy, competent/accomplished, and to find someone who is worthy of her.
Highest 255 Surgery 248 Current 170
Goal: 150
on 12/6/14 9:41 am
My beautiful daughter just called me in tears: Saturday night in college and alone. Her friends are all out with their sig others and my daughter is terribly lonely. She has also gained about 60 lbs in the past few years. She is a stress/binge eater in denial. Actually she'll own the stress/emotional eating but not the binging. She binges though. Go to my profile and look at her picture; she had her pick of men for years. She had several boyfriends, all of whom would be considered great life partners. But that was years ago.
I'm furious about our fat shaming culture and that men are so shallow. I'm also a realist and know that men do not get to know her because they're so turned off by HER body. Her chances of a relationship are next to 0.
She asked me why she's alone? What would you tell your daughter, verbatim?
You are the only fat shamer I see here. If I caught my mother writing about me like this, the crap would hit the fan. You want to see your daughters problem, look in the mirror. Your 3 paragraphs totally described what kind of person you are.
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue." --- Dorothy Parker
"You may not like what I say or how I say it, but it may be just exactly what you need to hear." ---Kathryn White
I'd tell her to concentrate on her studies, her pals, any fun activities she loves, clubs. I'd tell her to work on becoming the person she wants to be and that love (at least the long term real kind, not the bump & grind in the doom room) works best when two people are being themselves and that perhaps someone with common interests will be at one of those activities... basically don't stress, there is no deadline for finding love.
Since she expressed she was alone/lonely... I might use that as an opening to encourage her to talk to a therapist (maybe the campus health center has one) and hopefully she will feel comfortable opening up to them about any ED issues.
P.S. "I'm also a realist and know that men do not get to know her because they're so turned off by HER body. Her chances of a relationship are next to 0." You might want to work on this thinking... probably not helping, even if not verbalized, it's a damaging vibe that she probably can sense from you.
Best to you both!
