Would like your thoughts on spouse

Honestly, I'd be afraid to stay in an abusive marriage if I had little ones.  I wouldn't want them to be hurt and I'd be afraid of how witnessing abuse of their mother would affect them.

I know it takes a long time to work through the feelings of whether to stay or not in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage. I was married 16 years and stayed that long for the kids. But I finally got strong enough to make what ended up being the right choice for me. A book that has helped me and other friends is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay".

You have my support no matter what. 

Well I kinda look at it like this. Forget him for a minute. You are doing this for you. For your babies. If he don't want to be supportive of that then that is his problem. As far as the name calling is concerned, he already calls you names right? So if you chose to stay with him then the name calling after shouldn't be a problem because he already calls you names. The only difference will be that you will be hearing them as a thinner healthier person that can play with your kids and hopefully have a long healthy life. His problems are his problems. One day you will get tired of it. He will see that. NO ONE is going to stand up for you the way you can. So do this for you , your kids and your happiness, if he don't jump on the band wagon that is his fault. 

Now of course it is not healthy for him to treat you that way and you want to stay with him for the kids right? Then you said you don't want your kids to think that is normal right? So you can stay with him for the kids or leave him for the kids, your decision. Maybe a separation will let him know that you are serious about stopping the way he treats you. You and your kids are your first priority. You are the one that takes care of their mommy. Just my opinions that is all. Take care and good luck.

I wish I were smart enough to give marriage advise, but when children are involved, it is very hard.  It sounds as though the name calling is just a lashing out due to anger over a possibly different issue.  When people are very angry and just want to hurt you, and use the areas where they know you are vulnerable, you have to stop and think what the real issue is.  It may not be your weight at all, but regardless, as long as you keep firmly in your mind that you want to be healthy and active for your entire family, and this is why you are having surgery, you can just take it for what it is..... just someone with poor impulse control, who may not want to face the real issues.  Sorry you are being disrespected in such a way.  

My husband was not happy when I gained weight, but he was never disrespectful, and was very supportive of my surgery to lose weight.  He wanted me to have what ever made me happy.  He died about 6 months after my VSG, but that was 4 years ago, and my 5 year VSG anniversary is in a few months, and I still feel like it was the best health related decision I ever made.  

I have not experienced the part about the name calling, but when I quit work to stay home with the children, we did go through some high stress times.  My DH was never comfortable with the complete financial load for our family.  He was raised in a home where both parents worked, and he was resentful when I wanted to stay home to raise my children.  Money issues are a hot button for some people. I actually ended up working part time until my children were in high school, then I went back to work full time.  I am not sure if that was the right decision to make, but I feel it saved my marriage.  My children are 40 and 42 years old now.  I wish I had had my VSG surgery about 4 years before I actually had it.  You do go through some changes, both emotionally, and mentally, I wish I had some insight into working through that, but it takes awhile, and almost 5 years post VSG, I can see that alot of it was just me.   It is a huge adjustment.  

Good luck, and may God bless you as you move forward to become more healthy and vital.

Have the surgery for the best reason there is:  your health.

Just be aware that afterwards, he'll probably be very jealous and possessive and accuse you of all kinds of nasty things. If he doesn't have your weight to pick on you for, he'll find something else.

You'll probably need counseling to help. Take the kids, too.

I'm concerned you used the word "still".... He should NEVER verbally abuse you. You should think of the surgery as a tool for success and not as a crutch. You're being very brave and you should never doubt that. Willpower, determination and the courage to be make the decision is what will make you successful.

If the name calling starts, I suggest you approach him in the same manner.. Be brave and stand up to him. You should never weigh your beauty on the opinoins of others