Newbie and Family Support Question

Hi All- Im new to the forum... have started my journey recently. Still within the 3 mo program before I can schedule a surgical date.

Two questions for you all that have had surgery- maybe several years out-

How is the every day life working for you, ie. going out to dinner with friend etc? Have you kept the weight off?

ALso- my parents will support me with whatever decision I make, however, they dont see surgery as a good idea. Their thoughts are, well if you can do the lifestyle you will lose weight, then you dont need the surgery. And if you cant do the lifestyle then you shouldnt have the surgery. Help!

Thanks!

Josie

My daughter seems to think that if I eat the tiny portions of a post bariatric diet, that I should be able to lose the weight without surgery. I'm trying to explain to her why that won't work, but I can't seem to get the "right" words together.

Does anyone here have any suggestions for me on that subject? I really do want this surgery, and have yo-yo dieted for years. She's telling me it's about self-control, but it's not only that.

Any wise ideas of what to say for me that don't sound as though I am grasping at straws?

Thanks in advance.

I don't know which surgery you are having, but certainly it is easier to eat less with a smaller stomach.

It is easier to exercise once the weight is off.

So, at 5 1/2 years out, I go out to eat often.

Last night, my husband and I went to Macaroni Grill.

We had a 45 minute wait, so ordered a glass of wine and a fat bread in the bar.  I ate 1/3 of the appetizer carefully.

When we got to our table, I ordered a chicken and vegetable dish and ate about 1/4 of 1 piece of chicken and took the rest to go.

I sit and chat, I sip my beverage occasionally and I enjoy the company.

There is generally something I can eat no matter where we go.

For me, I needed a 'boost', a help to get to a manageable weight ... That is what my weight loss surgery gave me.

Now I eat less and I move more than I ever did when obese.

Going out to dinner with friends is nice for me.  I either order something small or I order a regular meal and take home half of it.  I like the fact that I am able to feel full without eating a ton of food.

If you could do the lifestyle without the surgery, sure, you'd lose weight without surgery.  but I could not eat only a cup of food at a time and feel satisfied without having surgery.  Before surgery, my stomach was the size of a football.  Now it is the size of an egg.  Having a much smaller stomach makes it much easier to do the lifestyle.

It depends a great deal on which surgery you have. 

With my band, my life is normal! I eat exactly like those friends I always thought wre "naturally" slim. I now realise that that "natural" means that they eat small portions, don't feel obliged to et very thing on their plate, eat mainly healthy food with treats being treats, i.e. occasional. If you eat a meal with me, you would not be aware I have had surgery. You might think I had a small appetite! 

I have basically kept the weight off. In my 8 1/2 years I have had two episodes of regain of about 20% of my loss but each time have been able to lose it again. 

edited to add answer to question I missed!

for me, I couldn't do the lifestyle without the surgery, I tried for thirty years! With the surgery, I can do the lifestyle as for the first time in my adult life, maybe my whole life, I dont think of food all the time. 

I'll be 11 years post-op on Dec. 11th. I am currently at my lowest post-op weight---I recently lost a few more pounds.

I live a more normal life now than I ever did, pre-op. No one eating a meal with me would think I'd had WLS. I can eat a small salad with lots of ham and cheese on it, an 8-ounce ribeye, a couple of bites of a baked potato, a roll, and a few bites of dessert, while drinking a large glass of iced tea. I thoroughly enjoy going out to eat with friends!

The main difference between the way I eat now and the way I ate pre-op is that I now get full and satisfied by small-normal portions, and I focus on eating protein and fat FIRST, thereby limiting the number of carbs I eat because I'm already pretty full. I don't count calories, I just try to eat mindfully.

I could NOT do this without surgery. I tried for 35 years to do it without surgery, and I couldn't. I was put on my first doctor-supervised diet at nine years old, my first diet pills at eleven. Surgery was the ONLY answer for me.

I'm assuming that you've tried serious dieting before. Dieting is HARD, but most of us can do it, and lose some weight, for short periods of time. What most of us CAN'T do is the "lifestyle" when we're working with a big, hungry stomach and a super-efficient metabolism that works hard to store and hold on to fat.

WLS does two things---it limits the amount of food we can eat at one sitting, and it affects how our bodies metabolize food. The VSG/Sleeve is primarily restrictive, but removing much of the stomach does cause some metabolic changes. The RNY/gastric bypass is also primarily restrictive, but since it also bypasses a small amount of the small intestine, it causes greater metabolic changes, at least for the first 18-24 months. And the DS/duodenal switch also restricts our intake---it has the Sleeved stomach---it makes a dramatic, permanent change in our metabolism. All of these surgeries make it much easier to do the "lifestyle".

I'm guessing your parents have never had a weight problem of their own to deal with.

Thanks for the great tips! Well my parents are two different beings when it comes to weight loss- my dad is skinny, and always has been. He can drink a 6 pack of coke every day, never eat any vegetables, and a 12 oz steak daily without gaining more than 5 lbs over the course of a year. I unforunately, got my metabolism and physique from my Mom- for most of my life she has been morbidly obese- close to 400 lbs. She is a skepticist. She has been on diets before, we did my first actual diet together- and she lost 150lbs! But soon gained it all back. We did atkins together, I lost 30 lbs and she lost 150.

I guess I need to do a better job at articulating exactly what the benefit of the surgery is... then maybe they will understand. I get my Dad's concern- he is a cardiac ICU nurse, so knows all too well what bad things can happen in surgery. As do I- im a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. But I also know all the health risks I will endure later on if I dont take care of this now.

Thanks so much for the help!

Josie

Then I imagine your dad also knows what happens when people are morbidly obese, right?  He knows how important it is to lose weight.

And it sounds like your mom is well aware that diets don't work.

Yes they both are... just scared of surgery. Its really making me sad... I want them to know how important this is and what it could do to change my life. I wont have to shop at Lane Bryant anymore!! and all the health risks that I carry would go away...

What about inviting them to go with you to an appointment with your surgeon?  They could ask questions, including asking about how many patients have serious complications from surgery?  And/or inviting them to a support group meeting with you, to take to other patients, many of whom will be doing very well.