5 years out, even harder now...

To be honest, I've not been here in several years. Before my surgery, this site was pretty important to me, though I was much more of a lurker than a poster. There have been ups and downs but generally I think I had a perfect surgery and the two years which followed were like living in a dream. Life was amazing and it wasn't just weight, it was everything. I was like a new person, I had so much confidence in every aspect of my life. I reached my goal wight for a matter of a few weeks and then I began a very slow increase in weight. Now three more years from then I've gained about 45 pounds from my self-imposed goal and I officially feel "fat" again, and to put it mildly it sucks. What I'm struggling with most is that countless times over the past year I've declared a line in the sand and said I was recommitting to a healthy lifestyle. I've taken some radical measures such as going back to liquid for at least 1 week 3 or 4 times over the past year. Yet each time, I slip and I find that now it's even harder to loose weight than before. I know the simple facts about exercise and food and I don't think I'm that bad. I walk regularly and I eat mostly responsibly yet I feel like my body is fighting me. I have no restrictions left from the surgery, I can eat any food (almost could do that at 6 months out actually, just couldn't eat much of it) and I also don't feel that my portion size is limited by the surgery at all. I watch myself but I can eat whatever I put in front of my face. I just don't know what to do. How to get back down to a size where I was happy with myself. I feel the burden of failure and I feel like people around me almost want me to fail. To show that I didn't do it, it was a short-term fix brought on by the surgery...it wasn't me.

All I can say it is back to the basics. Weighing, measuring, journaling, attending a support group, regular exercise all the things you are not doing now.  This surgery is a tool and if you don't use it, then what good is it.  This is a lifestyle change, not a diet.  

Go back to the basics.  Really be honest with yourself.  What are you willing to do?  Do you really think Going back to the liquid phase is necessary where you will just feel deprived and "cheat".  

As I said, how about just going back to the basics eating protein first, weighing all your food, measuring all your food, journaling your food.  

How have you really held yourself accountable.  

Taking radical measures is what got us here in the first place.  You can do this...go back to the basics.  

I don't have th bypass but for many of us fighting regain is hardere than losing, especially I guess with RNY where you initially have malabsorption to help you, 

All I can say is that for me it is all about mindset. I have to have a reason for eating properly which is greater than my desire to eat! I have regained twice in my eight years. And both times I was stopped in my tracks by something which meant I felt I had no choice but to lose. What that motivation might be is different for us all.

The first time for me was my adult children giving me 8 weeks warning that they were clubbing together to buy me a designer coat for my 60th birthday. No way was I buying a size 14 designer coat!! Even if they make them that size which some designers don't! 

Th second time was a realisation I only had one complete outfit I could wear. And o way am I going to buy larger clothes.

But IMO going back to liquids is not sensible, a bit like a pre-op fad diet. Could you join Weigh****chers? 

If you really have no restriction, I'd go to your surgeon or a gastroenterologist and get an endoscopy so you can see if your pouch has stretched a whole lot.  If that is the case, you might need a revision.

I find it very hard to go back to just all liquids unless you mean smoothie liquids, The energy we need to sustain every day life to get around keep up with everything around us would be impossible in my opinion with just say broth liquids for how ever long you say you are going to do that.I couldn't do that. I need energy..cant get much energy from Broth.

We have similar stories, but I gotta tell you that I have a happy ending!  I had a re-gain of 45 pounds as well.  You're right that it is harder and that our bodies do seem to want to put the fat back on.  Also, I can eat a LOT of food for a post-op -- like 3 pieces of pizza -- but I don't anymore.  My steps to regaining control included first going back to support group meetings, where I found I was not alone, and people had solutions.  I met with my surgeon's dietician again to come up with a reasonable plan of eating.  I also work the program of Overeaters Anonymous in conjunction with my WLS tool to stay focused and accountable.  I have also used counseling/therapy when I got stuck or certain emotions came up strong for me.  It didn't happen overnight.  We don't wake up one day and say, "Okay! I'm gonna get this all right now."  It's a process.   I re-lost the 45 pounds, plus a little more.  I eat in a way that feels right and gives me tons of energy.  I do weigh and measure my portions often, because I cannot be trusted to judge correctly.  Just because I CAN eat 3 slices of pizza, doesn't mean I should, or that I have to.  Now, I am once again satisfied with one slice and some salad.  The tool still works if you use it correctly.  So many of us learn how to eat around our tool.  I promise you that you can be successful and feel awesome again.

First of all, because the weight creep was slow, it was probably just a matter of a few too many calories each day or a few too many carbs, and that maybe you just needed to tweak a couple of things.

There might be some physical things contributing to the weight gain. Have you had your thyroid checked recently? Are you at an age where your hormone levels might be changing? You may have stretched your pouch or stoma, but it's somewhat unlikely. I would certainly look into having an EGD done to see if that's the case, though. If you're like most people, though, you do still have some restriction, it's just that you don't have the same amount restriction as you had the first year (which is to be expected).  If you compare the portions you were able to eat when you were preop, though,myou will probably see that you do still have restriction.

It's encouraging to read that you are able to exercise some control over how much you eat, though, because many many of us would be experiencing regain if we ate as much as we were physically able to eat at each meal. So give yourself some credit for that.

Unfortunately, the psychological part of the battle against obesity is often far more important, and more difficult to address, than the physical one.  Surgery can help us limit how much we eat (although it doesn't completely control that).  Just having surgery without addressing the emotional and behavioral issues that contributed to our obesity rarely works long term, and it sounds like that's what's happening with you. Please don't misunderstand… I don't mean that to be judgmental in any way at all.  There are MANY of us -- myself included -- who had to do a lot of work to overcome emotional and psychological contributors (whether something significant like a history of trauma or whether just changing some behaviors like late night snacking or stress-eating).  So if you are not already seeing a counselor, I would suggest that as the first step.

I think the very best thing you can do, and something that you can start right this minute, is to start measuring and tracking your food intake. There are number of online tools that will help you do that that are very easy to use.

Doing that will do two things immediately. Number one, it will help you be sure that you're eating the portion sizes that you think you are. It is VERY easy for us to slowly allow portion sizes to creep up over the years.  (I have definitely experienced that.)

Number two, it will enable you to make sure that you know exactly how many calories, carbs, and protein you're taking in. Almost everyone who is still here who had surgery more than a couple of years ago can attest to how easy it is to let too many carbs creep into your diet and will attest to how lethal that can be in terms of the scale!

Yes, in all honesty, the surgery does most of the work of getting the weight off (even if we don't do a very good job of changing how we eat) and then our shortcomings in that ar start to show up in terms of maintenance or regain. From what you wrote, though, it looks to me like you HAVE been doing a pretty good job but probably need to tweak a few things and maybe work on some "head issues". Please don't feel like it was ALL the surgery, though, because it wasn't.  If it had been, you would have regained much more by now.

So... give yourself credit for all the things you have been doing right(!), check into any physical conditions that might be affecting your weight, seek out someone who can help you out with the psychological part of the journey, and go back to basics with your eating, including measuring and tracking your food for a while.  Don't become discouraged and start believing that the situation is hopeless, because to absolutely is NOT!

Lora

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and advice.