Hey All,

I have been lurking here for quite some time. I have commented a bit but never posted much as I have a fairly good support system at home. However with my surgery date approaching I do have a question.

In my home, my husband and I know what is about to happen. My kids on the other hand have not been included in the decision making process for a couple of reason. One they are still fairly young, not so young they wont get the concept, but young enough to be little blabber mouths and share this with people I am still struggling to tell. You see it is not that I am ashamed of what I am doing in fact I tell most people and share how excited I am for this surgery. It comes down to my parents, they have never been anything but negative about the surgery, rude, and even down right claim I would be a failure for doing this "the cheater way". They do not live close to us, and I visit them only once per year. I figure when they see me, they will likely know something is up, however by then it is in the past and not something they can really do about it. If they were to learn now, well they would start the never ending barrage of condemnation and I worry they would somehow interfere and disrupt my surgery. I just need them to be on the outside. So how do I deal with this, is this unusual? Is there a way to share, but not share? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

How could they interfere?  You're an adult, they don't live close by, you control your own health choices.  

I didn't tell anyone but my husband and my adult sons.  I deliberately did nt tell my parents.  I had my surgery in December and I had a few complications, and still having them when my parents came to visit in March.  I told my mom I had complications from gall bladder surgery--which while not completely truthful I did have my gall bladder out with the WLS.  hen they saw me that summer I had lost a lot of weight and they simply chalked it up to WW--all on their own.  My parents were ultimately thrilled to finally have me thin and my weight was never part of a conversation again.  Looking back, I should have taken ownership of my WLS and told them, but I was afraid to face them and have them try to sway me away from it.  Still to this day they don't know and my sisters don't know.

I haven't told many people. My mother knows, she's also my support person, my step-father knows and my grandmother knows. I won't be telling my biological father because he is so negative of everything, this will be hard enough without his input and negativity. I haven't decided whether or not to tell anyone else I know yet. I will take it as it comes and see:)

I told everyone. I have 3 children 7,9,and 15. My parents were not happy about surgery and let me know. I had surgery Oct. 7, 2014 and my mom came with me. I now realize they were just scared. My mom kept telling people at the hospital " take care of my baby girl". I never saw fear like that in my moms eyes ever like when I walk away to the OR. I saw my dad the other day and he was thrilled at how good and healthy I looked. Now a month later I think my parents are very happy I had the surgery and are very supportive. As for my children they have never been a night without me except when I was having the next one so I told them everything so they would have a lot of time to mentally prepare for me to be away for a night or two. I was very blessed and only had to stay in the hospital for 1 night. This is a very emotional time for everyone involved. I hope you find the answers you need a can be at peace with your situation.

Take Care

Lisa

Your kids will notice you missing so you've got to say 'something'.  You can tell them that you had surgery to fix something not working properly inside and leave it at that.  You don't have to disclose everything, and the last thing you want to do is have them worried.  I treated my upcoming surgery so casually with my son (11 then) that he treated it like I was going away for work again.  I kissed him like I always did when I went out of town and said "see you Thursday".  I purposely didn't have Hubs take him to the hospital, for I didn't want him to see me in such a weakened state.  I warned him that I would be very tired for a couple of weeks and he would need to help out.  He really impressed me during my recovery.  The boy really jumped in!

For the parents, that's a tough one.  If it comes out later that you had surgery without sharing, they will be horribly hurt...but they will get over it.  If you tell them now, you will probably be bombarded with stories about their friend's cousin's boyfriend's brother and how they had problems or regained everything.  You have to put filters in for that and keep pushing forward.  My mom was scared to death for me, but knows that I'm stubborn enough that there is no changing my mind.  My dad, on the other hand, was proud of me for taking such a step to make some positive changes.  I dealt with it and it wasn't horrible, and everyone was supportive and excited as I lost weight.

I told my kids, they are 2, 7, and 9. I also told people that wouldn't really understand like my in-laws. I simply stated that I was going for this surgery to better my health and longer my life. I informed people all I wanted was positive support if they had any negative they needed to keep it to themselves. I struggled with making this decision for a long time. It is by no way the easy way out. It is a major life change.