Keeping surgery a secret

I had the same issue. What I did was I called my short term disability company and file a claim. I told a few people at work I was having bleeding ulcers removed in which part of my stomach removed due to it. The HR rep has to keep that a secret, if not they can get into trouble. What if you had a terminally illness or family issues that require you to file FMLA. Its not the business of the entire company. I just got an email from my HR rep and she still doesn't know.

Even under FMLA, the note from the doc can simply say "surgery".  If they pry, say something like "it's very personal and I'd rather not discuss it", and leave it at that.  If you apply for short-term disability, they will ask for more information, but you can work directly with them and not with HR.

Now, with all this being said- returning to work the next week is extremely ambitious.  I was very listless for a good 5-6 weeks and would have been totally unable to return to work at my standard work load.  Try to work on 4 weeks off to get things in order.  This is more than a new haircut to get used to.  This is major stuff.

I work for "an" insurance company and we can't tell employer anything unless you have signed something that says to release information to someone from your employment.  FYI, make sure your policy actually covers at 100% or whether they cover but it is still subject to deductible and out of pocket which is the normal.

Boy, I feel your pain. I work with people who are similar.  I just made my way through the whole process and didn't utter a word to anyone. Then when it was time for me to go out for surgery I just went out and had my doctor send the paperwork for my disability time. If you have vacation time then use it and you won't have to explain anything to anyone. Wish I could offer some better advice. It's a shame people don't just do (or don't do for that matter) what they are supposed to do. 

People will likely figure it out when you drop weight very quickly and/or see how little you eat. If you go back to work before you are on solid foods, some may notice that as well. I just wouldn't be pressed about keeping it a secret. I would think people will know. I am not saying you should shout it from the rooftops either. If this is what you decide to do, you must come to terms with this being the best decision for you regardless of what others think. Some will think it is the easy way out but, I am sure plenty people are already judging for being overweight in the first place. So many believe it is simple as "eat less". Surgery is not easy. It is painful and you may not feel quite right for some time. It is also very mentally trying for many. You basically have to diet (lifestyle change as most call it) for life or you will regain. It is not easy. The effects of the surgery only last for 12-18 months, then you are on your own to keep it off or lose the rest if need be.

Hi, I am commenting on how you want to keep it a secret from everyone.  I totally understand how you want to keep it a secret, as that is exactly what I did with my family and friends. The only person I told was my husband and I specifically asked him to keep it a secret as well. He agreed.  Now fast forward a year later after my surgery...keeping it a secret only caused major concerns from both sides of my family and a lot of questions directed to my husband about me.  After surgery, and living an active lifestyle, everyone feared I had an eating disorder and was really concerned.  My husband was so frustrated that I put him a position to keep my WLS a secret from his family, which he tells everything to them.  This secret caused lots of arguments in my marriage.  My husband had nobody to talk to about my WLS as it was an adjustment for him to see me lose so much weight so quickly.  He married me as a heavy woman and now I was considered to skinny for him and he did not like it.  Two years after my surgery, my husband had enough of the lies as the questions and concerns just kept coming at him about me.  Most of the family didn't say much to me, but they would pull him to the side and make the comments that I didn't look healthy and why do they never see me eat anything.  My husband and I ended up separating and once he moved out he exposed my secret to his entire family.  He was done with the lies.  Mind you we never really lied, nobody asked if I had surgery.  The two of us told everyone that I eat smaller portions and cut out carbs, and I exercise daily.  With my husband telling his family my secret, I was forced to tell my family and friends the truth.  Once I told everyone, some told me that they knew I had to have had surgery with all the weight that I lost.  My parents were relieved that I told them I had the surgery as they really thought I had an eating disorder and was sick.  If I can turn back time, I still would have not told everyone that I had the surgery at the time I had it, but I would have told them once I started losing the weight and living my new lifestyle after surgery.  I know now looking back over the years that if I would have been honest to my family and friends about my WLS, that I would have avoided all the concerns and rumors they had about me, and I would have had their support.  Once I told them the truth, I felt really bad as it was hard to admit that I didn't want to tell them the truth about what I was doing with my body.  I know I hurt my family by not telling them, as they will never understand why I was not honest with them in the first place.

I wish you the best of luck.  I do not regret my WLS, but I do regret not being honest with my family and closest friends.

I didn't tell anyone at work about my VSG. Heck, I didn't even tell my mother or my siblings. My adult kids and my husband were the only ones I told. Eventually, I did tell my mom and sisters, but it was at a time of MY choosing.  When my surgery got scheduled I just went to the boss and told him I thought I'd be out for about 3 weeks for some "female" surgery. That's all he wanted to know, LOL. NO Questions Asked!  I actually could have gone back to work in 2 weeks, but I'm glad I took that extra week. I had a few complications in the hospital, so I was a little behind the 8-ball when I got home. By the time I went back to work, I had my normal energy back and I was doing well with my diet and water intake.

I get comments all the time about all the weight I've lost. I just smile and say thanks for noticing. I tell them I've been working hard and leave it at that. I do not owe anyone an explanation, nor do I need to defend my choices. 

Good Morning.  

I too am a very private person.  I work in a small office in a small hospital.  I had had a lap band 4 years ago and last week had that removed and VSG done.  I just told everyone I was having difficulties (I was with the band) and needed to have surgery and that I would be out for approximately 3 weeks.  No one asked any more questions.  

When I return, I may tell people, I may not.  It all depends on the questions i receive.  Your personal buisness is just that.  I did take a medical leave for surgery.  No one has asked for any further details.  I received my return to work note yesterday which should cover all questions.  

I'm an office manager in NY.  I do see what the dr puts on the disability forms because they are sent back to me for submission yo out disability insurance.  The partner of our firm also sees them because he has to sign off on them.  I was actually considering taking two weeks of vacation instead of disability.  Our disability doesn't kick in until you have been out an entire week anyway and it's pretty pathetic at that.  

I wasn't concerned with anyone knowing I was having WLS.  I'd shout it from the rooftops if I thought it would make a difference for someone who needed to hear about what's possible with this tool! BUT...  I took a few days of STD so I wouldn't have to burn all my vacation and for that HR needed to know what the procedure was. If I had it to do over, I'd have taken the hit to my vacation and left HR out of the loop as they made a big stink about the 10 pound lifting restriction when I returned since my job description says I must be able to lift more. I'm a computer geek at a desk 99% of the time so it was ridiculous.  I ended up having to move up my post op appointment and get released "without restrictions" to go back to my desk job! Cost me 2 more days off than I needed waiting for my new post op appointment.  Ugh!